


Sex Addicts Anonymous

by herpb4uderp



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Addicts Anonymous, Adult Language, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Bad coping mechanisms, Compulsive sexual behavior, Cravings, Dark, Denial, Graphic Violence, Human AU, Interventions, M/M, Manipulation, Psychological Drama, Psychological Thriller, Psychosis, S L O W B U R N, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Withdrawal, adult topics, did i already say bad coping mechanisms?, mature thematic content, no powers, psychopathy at its finest, psychotic character, sex addicts anon, the worst, unconventional forms of rehab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herpb4uderp/pseuds/herpb4uderp
Summary: Vegeta did not show up here because he needed "help." He showed up because he knew it would be... easy.But help often finds us in the ways we least expect it. And sometimes it even finds us in the ways... we wish it didn't.
Relationships: Son Goku/Vegeta (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 266
Kudos: 218





	1. New Face

It was wrong. Coming to a place like this to pick someone up. These people were looking for “healing” after all. And here he was. Hunting. He knew it was wrong. He just didn’t _care._ Because lately, he just wasn’t getting that _high,_ that post-coitus glow he _craved._ Lately it was getting so _dull._ It suddenly didn’t _feel_ like it used to and he wanted, _needed,_ something different, something more, something depraved and if anywhere could guarantee that kind of desperation, it was here. He smirks at the sign and represses a snort as he walks into the basement of a crumbling brick building smashed into the middle of a denigrated city block that had no business advertising itself as a church during the day light hours. 

“Hello! Welcome! I see we have a new face." The counselor smiles brightly and subtly re-postures so her cleavage is more apparent. She says this in an overly nice voice to the handsome, but gruff looking man who has just walked in and taken a seat in the half empty circle of chairs; to the man in a tight blue tank top revealing well shaped shoulders and arms that had as many scars as tattoos; to the man who also unabashedly sized up and judged every single male in the room upon entering. 

What those judgements were who knew, but it was clear he had decided _something_ about each and every one of them and _nothing_ about her or the four other women there. She realizes her efforts are worthless fairly quickly and clears her throat as she readjusts.

“Don't worry, you're not late. We haven't started yet. Why don’t you introduce yourself.”

After a few moments of silence he realizes she is talking to him and responds with a scowl, “I thought this was anonymous.” 

“It is.” She reassures, “You can say any name you want, but we encourage everyone to share their-”

“I do not want to share.”

“Ok, well that’s fine. I think we all understand it can be a bit nerve-wracking, opening up to strangers about something so personal.” She laughs to try and break the tension Vegeta has put in the room, and so do some of the other members, “But we’re here to support each other, so if you feel like opening up at any point, just know that this is a judgement free zone and we-” 

“I said I do not want to share.” He crosses his arms and makes it very clear he is not going to say another word. 

“Ok, that’s- … fine too.” She nods in hesitant agreement before shifting her attention to the group, “Well, uh," she smiles a fake inviting grin, "who would like to start this week?”

A young man raises his hand and she passes the small red talking stick to him.

“Hello, I’m 17.”

“Hello 17.” The group says in unison. Except for Vegeta. He is thinking, _Thin, but nice eyes. Could use a haircut. Early twenties. Likely drug addict. Definitely emotionally vulnerable._ “Hn.” _Easy Target._ And hardly thirty seconds into his sharing Vegeta confirms that he is right on every single count.

“A few of you may already know, I’m a member of NA too. Sober two years now.” A few ‘congrats’ and ‘Keep it up’s follow before he quietly thanks them and continues. His story is sad and familiar. Narcotics aren’t free after all. He developed a new addiction in order to pay for an old one. He says it wasn’t so bad before he felt the pain of withdrawal. It never is. Now, he’s clean and he can’t stop. Now, sex is ruined. And he still can’t stop. 

He only gets about halfway through the disturbing details of his most recent harrowing experience before he begins to break down. The counselor tells him he’s brave, they all tell him he’s brave. Except for Vegeta. The tall, messy haired stranger sitting across from Vegeta catches the smirk on his face before realizing he has been caught staring and averting his gaze.

A few more shockingly intimate over shares later and the meeting is finally over. Vegeta has decided on a prey as he fills up a styrofoam cup full of cheap burned coffee and tries to decide whether or not he should wait for the young man to stop crying before talking him off the wagon and into his bed.

_No._ He ultimately decides. He puts on his best, ‘I have sympathy for your problems’ face and is all set to make his way over to _Seventeen-too-many_ when someone catches his arm.

“Hey. You’re new here, aren’t ya?”

He turns and finds himself face to face with the man he had caught staring at him. The one he had pinned _Straight, Married,_ with _awful fuckin’ hair and what the fuck is he wearing_ \- the moment he walked in. 

“I noticed you uh- you didn’t share.” He says trying to make casual conversation.

Vegeta pulls his arm away from the other’s grasp, “Tch. Of course not. I don't have a problem.”

“Then why, uh-” He rubs the back of his neck, "why're ya here?”

Vegeta freezes for a moment and his eyes dart away from Seventeen back to the tall idiot standing to his left. “I…” _Shit-_

“Y’know… the first step to solving a problem is admittin’ that ya have one.” Vegeta raises a brow, “No one’s gonna judge ya, if that’s what yer afraid of. You’d be surprised what kinda advice people can give, too, and-”

“Advice? Here’s some advice.” Vegeta narrows his eyes at the stranger, “Fuck off. Mind your own business.” The stranger frowns and Vegeta rolls his eyes at his taken aback expression and turns to see where his target has gone only to find him missing. _He left?_

He looks around and sees that most of the group had already trickled out the door and put chairs away and _Wait-_ He turns his attentions back to the man who had mistakenly tried to start a conversation that Vegeta knew would never lead to sex- _So what is even the point of entertaining it-_

Vegeta watches him, seething with anger, as the other continues looking around sheepishly. _Did he just fucking cockblock me?!_ _That fucking dick!_ He opens his mouth but the stranger beats him to the punch and extends his hand.

“I’m Kakarot by the way.”

“What?”

“My name.” He smiles broadly, “It’s Kakarot.”

“I don’t care about your name!” He spits back.

“Oh. ...Ok.” His hand drops reluctantly back to his side. “Ya know… most people just say-” He begins to quip cheekily.

“I don’t care” He grinds his teeth as he speaks, “What most people say.”

“...Right.” He furrows his brows and looks away toward the ground, “...Sorry ta bother ya, I guess."

"I'm sorry you bothered me, too." Vegeta snaps rudely.

"Oh… Well, anyway, I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for.” He turns and begins to walk away.

“What?”

Kakarot stops and looks back toward Vegeta. “I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Kakarot shrugs, “I dunno. I dunno what you’re goin’ through, but no one really shows up here jus’ ‘cause. Maybe tonight you weren’t ready. That’s ok. There’s always next time.” He smiles.

“What are you, the assistant counselor?”

“No.”

“Then shut up. I already told you, I don’t have a problem.”

Kakarot nods thoughtfully, “Ok. Well, see ya around.” He waves and walks out the door.

Vegeta stands alone in the empty room with, ‘this was a huge fucking mistake- waste of my time- room full of fucking idiots- not even going to fucking get any- going to have to go somewhere else tonight-' running through his head, and he vows with the remains of a completely crushed empty styrofoam cup in hand that, no matter how desperate he was, he would never do this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my wonderful readers of filth, let me just kick this one off by sayin' you're in for a fuckin' RIDE.
> 
> I've got this nasty garbage planned chapter by chapter from start to finish (First time for that, wow). It's almost completely written, just needs some ironing. It's gonna be SHORT. (I literally always say that and I'm always lying though, so-) REGARDLESS. I'm very excited to share this trash with you. Please feel free to comment, heckle, critique away as you always do. <3


	2. Chance Encounter

There is a knock on the office door and Napa sighs. “Come in.”

A man in his late twenties with dark hair and darker eyes walks in, crosses his arms and leans against the wall with stiff rigid posture.

“You know why I’m pissed off at ya?”

Vegeta rolls his eyes and tenses in acknowledgement.

“‘Cause it’s the third time this mutherfuckin’ week I’ve walked in to my shop an’ see the front empty ‘cause you! Are in the back! Gettin’ railed out by some-”

“Tch. It’s not like anyone saw us-”

“That’s not the fucking point. Vegeta!” Napa searches his face for a shred of understanding, but Vegeta avoids his glare. “Gahd, I promised your parents I’d try to give you a good life. And I have _tried._ For so many fuckin’ years. But you-! … And it’s not just work. You can’t go anywhere without- ….” He sighs, “You think you’re the only one who feels alone here? In this shithole city? Is that why you do this? Sabotaging job after job? How many restaurants, gyms, coffee shops, bars, fuck! you name it, are you banned from now for pullin’ this kinda shit? God, you couldn’t even get through one semester of college without a fuckin’ scandal- It’s like you have no self control!” Vegeta’s jaw clenches as he says nothing, “... I’m not going to cut you off, Vegeta, but even _I_ can’t work with ya if you’re gonna keep-”

“‘Work’? What ‘work’ is there to do?” He scoffs, “The place is dead. Just like my p-”

“Get out.” He points to the door, “Just. Get the fuck out. An’ how ‘bout you take the rest of the fuckin’ week off too. Maybe don’t come back at all with your garbage attitude and landfill of personal problems.”

“Fine. I won’t. Fuck you. I don’t need this. You’re just fuckin’ mad because you couldn’t get any if you tried. Asshole.” Vegeta flips him off as he turns around.

“I’m not-! You need serious help, Vegeta!!” The door slams, “Serious help!” Napa tries to yell through the wall, but he isn’t sure if Vegeta heard him. He collapses back into the wheeley chair behind his desk and after a long deep sigh.

Vegeta stands out in the cold for a few minutes trying to decide which way he should walk. He snorts, “Help. I don’t need fuckin’ help. It’s all bullshit anyway. Fuckin’ stupid group bullshit-” He pulls out his phone as he walks into the corner store down the street and within moments he has already set to work on finding a distraction.

He has his hand on an item, but he hasn’t pulled it from the shelf yet. He is too caught up in the little screen in his palm.

_Already fucked him. Swipe left. Him too. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Fucking hell, is there anyone in this city I haven’t fucked? Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Hmmm, he looks unfamiliar. Swipe right. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. Shit, wait- that one was kind of attractive-_

Vegeta panics and tries to undo his mistake, but he only succeeds in knocking a box off the shelf and dropping his phone. He picks them both up and tries to put everything back in order, but it is at that moment he has the distinct displeasure of seeing a familiar face out of the corner of his eye. He then makes the mistake of looking up just as it passes behind him. Vegeta further worsens the situation by letting recognition cross his face. Then the ultimate misstep.

“Kakarot?” The word spills out of his mouth before he has time to realize it would embroil him in fifteen minutes of small talk he wanted no part of. But it was strange. Vegeta is sure he has never seen this man before that meeting. And yet, here he was. In the corner store three blocks from his apartment building.

He turns around, “Oh hiya, V- Vej- Vi-? Ver-? uh-”

“Vegeta…”

“Right, Vegeta.” He rubs the back of his neck with embarrassment, “Vegeta.” He repeats with a friendly smile, “Sorry. I’m not so good with names.”

“...What are you doing here?” He regrets the question as soon as he asks it.

Kakarot tilts his head in confusion, “whadya mean? I’m buyin’ groceries.” He gestures to the basket.

Vegeta shrugs off the idiocy of his own question he didn’t need the answer too and casually glances at what Kakarot was buying and raises his brow at the not quite classic staples: bread, eggs, and a gallon of _… Bleach?_ “... Right...” 

Kakarot follows Vegeta’s line of sight and laughs uncomfortably, “My wife’s kindova neat freak.”

“Charming.”

“Yeah. She’s… somethin’...” The subsequent pause is awkward and just a few seconds too long. Vegeta tries to turn away and resume his previous task to no avail. “Didn’t see ya last week.”

“What?”

“At, uh, the meetin’. I didn’t see ya.”

“Well, that’s probably because I wasn’t there.” He shakes his head and starts to walk away, but Kakarot trails after him.

“Yeah, but… why not? It was a good meetin’. I think maybe-”

“Kakarot.” The taller man stops just short of running into him, “I don’t care what you think. But I do care that you’re standing six inches from my face.” He narrows his eyes, “Breathing on me like-” Kakarot steps back. “It’s going to put out a fire, so-”

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean anythin’ by sayin’ that. I jus’ thought- I didn’t want ya to get discouraged. Y’know? There’s other people in the fight with ya.” He knocks in him the shoulder lightly with his fist. Vegeta doesn’t budge and frowns a little deeper. 

Kakarot’s fist returns awkwardly to his side and he stammers through a few conversational transitions to keep this one sided dialogue going and it is then that Vegeta realizes this man was not only irritating, (and unable to read body language), but he was also extraordinarily… Handsome. 

Bad hair aside, he might have been one of the most attractive men Vegeta had ever seen. He hadn’t paid much attention to Kakarot that day at the meeting, not even when they’d spoken briefly toward the end. In fact, he had intentionally tried to ignore him. But now, here, so close, it was impossible not to notice; the soft charming smile, engaged innocent eyes, smooth untarnished skin, ... _he’s... perfect._

The realization catches him off guard and suddenly he was staring. Words just keep falling out of Kakarot’s mouth and Vegeta didn’t hear a single one because- _I have to have you. Ruin you. Corrupt you. Destroy you. I have to- This is what I was looking for. This is what I need. You are what I need. That innocence, that smile, that- Fuck! He just asked me a question. What did he ask?_

“Uh” He snaps back to reality, “Yeah.”

“So you’ll come?”

“What?”

“To the meetin’ tonight.”

He knows what he told himself; that he’d never be caught dead there again, but… _If that what’s it’s going to take to get you in my bed, I’ll go to whatever meetings you want-_ Vegeta answers before his brain has time to catch up to his body, “Sure.” He says with velvety smoothness, already trying to guess what secret filthy kinks a face like that might be hiding. The corner of his mouth quirks up with a mischievous twist as he watches Kakarot's face light up with a broad smile. 

“Great! Can’t wait to see ya there. Same bad place, same bad time.” He laughs and walks away toward the register. 

Besides what was the harm, it wasn’t like he had anything else to do today. Or the rest of the week. Or month. Or however long it would take for him to get over his pride and ask for his job back.


	3. Sponsor Me

“I think that just about wraps up our session today.” The counselor smiles sympathetically. “Remember though, the best way to help yourselves is to reach out and help each other.” She touches the shoulder of the crying man next to her. “Sponsorship can prove invaluable to those who may have trouble sticking to the steps. You don’t need to do it alone.”

Vegeta rolls his eyes at her words then rubs his face with his palms as the others start getting up and putting away their chairs. _Oooh god, that was fucking awful. If I hear one more sexual innuendo thinly disguised as a vaguely inspirational quote I’m going to fucking kill mys-_

“Are you ok?” A bright smiling voice with the slightest edge of worry in it pulls Vegeta from the darkness of his thoughts. Vegeta looks up with a deceivingly troubled look because he has begun to suspect Kakarot is the savior type, a white knight kind of guy. “You still didn’t say anything today.” He likes to _help_ people. He wants to be a _good_ man. Why he wanted to do that _here_ with _these_ people was still a mystery, but Vegeta could work with that. He could _definitely_ work with that. 

“I just… wasn’t ready.”

“Oh.” He sits next to Vegeta. “Well, that’s ok. It can take time. What’s important is that you gave it another chance.” He shows off perfect straight white teeth in a wholesome ear-to-ear grin that Vegeta couldn’t help but fall deeper in hate with. 

_Whatever ‘healing’ you’ve achieved, I’m going to poison it._ Because no one had any business being that happy in such a cruel world. _Trust me, I’m doing this for_ _you_. “How long does it take?”

“Take to what?”

Vegeta meets Kakarot’s curious searching eyes. “To get" _in your bed-_ "better.”

Kakarot takes a moment to answer. He has a look on his face as he thinks about Vegeta’s question, like he had many answers, but wasn’t sure which to choose. He finally settles on one, “Addiction isn’t somethin’ you ever really...” He pauses thoughtfully, “get ‘better’ from, Vegeta.”

He frowns. _What kind of answer- Then what is the point of this?! Why would anyone do this?! It’s worthless- wait. No, it’s… good because that means-_ “You’re… still struggling with it then? … I noticed you didn’t share today either.”

“Oh, uh- Well, no.” He blushes. “I don’t- uh, I’m not actually... an addict. I shouldn’t even really be here. I don’t have… destructive... compulsive… behaviors…” He says slowly and Vegeta is not convinced he knows the meaning of that phrase. _Idiot. ...Hot dumb lying idiot. What are you doing here otherwise?_

“Isn’t the first step admitting that you have a problem?” Vegeta says with a teasing curve of his lip.

“Yeah, but-”

“So then, why are _you_ here, Kakarot?” he asks trying to play nice, trying to find out his dirty secret, trying to draw a little more, or maybe just anything, out of this simple timid man who cringed and stuttered when asked how his marriage was going, but sat with a soft dopey smile through the gruesome details of one member's peculiar take on BDSM fetish. “You get off on stuff like this? Listening to people talk about how they suffer with sex addiction? Their kinks? Their _bad habits?_ Sure sounds like a problem to me.” 

“No!” Kakarot waves his hands in defense, “No, definitely not. I don’t- I- uh, my wife… It’s part of the couples… counselin’ … my wife is makin’ me do… she makes me go. She thinks… I gotta problem, I guess.” he chuckles anxiously.

“And what _problem_ does she think you have?” Say _you’re in the closet. Make my fucking day._

“She thinks… I want…” his voice drops to a near whisper, “sex… too much.” Vegeta raises a brow at his bashfulness, “Yeah… ‘cause I would always ask her if we could- and she kept sayin’ no, and then she, uh, caught me… jus’ by myself,” he laughs awkwardly, “But I really don’t do… _that_ ... that often, y’know? ... It had just been… a long time since we last… been together… I couldn’t help it. I’ve been ‘sober’ since then, it’s not- I don’t even ask her anymore… if she wants to- I never even asked her that much to begin with, she just- … never...” His face flushes bright red and Vegeta tries his hardest not to immediately insult him by laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of someone who was sex _deprived_ being accused of sex _addiction._

_He’s gotta be fucking kidding me. And I thought this was going to be a challenge._

After a moment of hesitation Kakarot shifts the subject away from himself, “But that’s not- I’m not really important. Some people here really suffer, like ya said. They lose their friends ‘n families ‘n jobs ‘n stuff...” 

The laugh Vegeta had been biting back evaporates. His brows furrow over Kakarot’s words. People didn’t lose their jobs because of their _sex addiction._ That was absurd. The whole concept of sex addiction was absurd. People lost jobs because of incompetent management and oversensitive coworkers. But he knew arguing with Kakarot wouldn’t get him anywhere closer to that bed of his, so he ruminates on his disagreement silently.

The sudden lull in conversation wouldn’t have been so awkward or unpleasant if Vegeta wasn’t forced to notice Kakarot was standing there letting his anxiety leak out from his head all over his body. Vegeta was just trying to move on from contemplating the futility of a program like this to quietly imagining face-fucking that perfect smile, but instead _\- what is he doing?_

“Do you ever stop moving?” Vegeta says after a careful moment of observing Kakarot’s constant little twitches. “What is… _this?”_ Vegeta gestures to his tense body, “Are you in withdrawal?”

“What? No, I’m not- I just said I don’t-” he chuckles anxiously. “You can’t get ‘withdrawal’ from-”

“Kakarot!” A cheery flirty voice calls to him. Vegeta looks over his shoulder and sees the busty, blue haired, barely appropriately, barely professionally dressed counselor approaching. Her hair was just messy enough, her skirt just short enough, her shirt just wrinkled enough- _with the first three buttons undone, of course_ \- to qualify her as an overworked, underpaid social worker with too little time for the dating world and too much appetite for _sobriety_.

She was a predator and Vegeta disliked her immediately. Even more as she walks right past Vegeta with a cold shoulder and far too casually, with a practiced concerned sweetness in her voice asks Kakarot, “How are things with your wife?” She says with particular emphasis on the last word.

Kakarot’s hand rubs the back of his neck with a nervous smile. “The same… She’s still… the same…”

She turns to Vegeta with a sly grin. “Kakarot here is a chronic mast-”

“That’s just what my wife says! I’m not-” he rushes out barely quick enough to interrupt her.

“There's no need to feel ashamed. You're one of the most successful members we have. You,” she lets her hand drop from his shoulder to his back, "inspire hope."

_Hope that you'll get fucked brainless._ Vegeta rolls his eyes.

"He's been with our program here almost six months!" she says suddenly turning her attention to Vegeta. "He has remained steadfast in his journey to sexual sobriety even though his sponsor left, really" She tosses her naturally flirty gaze back to Kakarot, "the recovery you’ve made is something to be proud of."

"Yeah." he laughs weakly. "I guess so."

“The hardest part is over.” she says again looking Vegeta directly in the eyes. “Now, your healthy lifestyle is habit. I know you can keep it up." He continues to force a smile and agrees with her.

_I see what you're doing, witch._ Vegeta smirks and Kakarot looks at him with a reddening face. _You think just because you couldn’t break him. No one can._

“Wow. Six months?” he says avoiding her glare, focusing instead on those dark pleading eyes. “That’s incredible, Kakarot.”

"Uhh.. haha, yeah, thanks. I guess it…” He shrugs away from the counselor’s reassuring hand. “Is. Thanks.”

“See you next week, Kakarot.” She smiles sweetly at him and turns her nose up at Vegeta as she walks away.

“Is _that_ what your problem is?” Vegeta can’t hold back a devious grin anymore and it spreads his ill intention across his face. “Chronic mas-”

“No, no! I don’t have a problem! It’s- it’s her, my wife, she’s the…” he lowers his voice and looks back to make sure the counselor wasn’t nearby, “...problem.” he sighs.

Vegeta appreciates the discomfort and vulnerability Kakarot lets completely take over his expression. Vegeta continues tactics because he enjoyed a little humiliation play, “Kakarot, how long have you really been… ‘sober’?”

“What?” Kakarot’s eyes widen in surprise.

“The counselor said six months, but that’s just since you've been here. I mean, how long has it been since you’ve actually been with your wife? Or- anyone for that matter.”

“I’ve never been with anyone other than my wife!” He quickly reassures. Vegeta raises a brow expectantly and Kakarot’s hand reaches back and rubs his neck as his face flushes and he hesitantly admits, “two years, four months and sixteen days…”

_That’s… unsettelingly specific. And HOW with those looks_. “Jesus, Kakarot.” He mutters, “Save some healing for the rest of us.”

“Bulma, that’s the counselor, she says I’m successful ‘cause I haven’t- haven’t 'fallen off the wagon' once since I started. But I don’t think it should count ‘cause... I wasn’t really on it to begin with. An’ I lost my sponsor too, so-”

“Sponsor?”

"Oh- I uh, yeah I had a sponsor for a while, but she stopped showin' up a while ago. An’ I kinda think she-"

"Who?"

"Her name was Eighteen. She kinda... picked me I guess. Actually she's uh," he looks around, "I don't know if you'd remember him... I don't see him... but she was Seventeen's twin sister."

"That's quite a family legacy they have." He mutters. "So what is it? Sponsorship? Is it a requirement?”

Kakarot shakes his head, “Not if you don’t want to.”

“What if I do?”

“Uhh, then you find someone who… wants to sponsor you. They kinda help you keep track of your progress and encourage you ‘n stuff. Usually people try to find someone who’s been in the program for a while and is ‘successful’ er-, ‘sober’.”

  
  


_This program was built for people like me to find people like you, wasn’t it?_

“I never much liked sponsorship.” He continues, “She was very… strict? I think she was more usin’ it to-” he flusters over his thoughts, “It’s just kinda stupid-”

“Is it?” Vegeta says eyeing a young man by the coffee machine, “I think it sounds like a good idea.”

“Y-you do?”

“Yes. I think it might just be…” He tilts his head and his eyes flick to Kakarot's, “exactly what I need.”

"Oh. well, it's kinda early. You only just started. But who were ya thinkin'?" Vegeta watches him turn about for a few moments, looking around, pretending there was literally any other option before answering,

“You.”

“I- me!? A spon-”

“Yes. You… have been in this program a while and are sober, relatively speaking, aren’t you?”

“I-” he rubs the back of his head and neck.

“Aren’t you? Or- were you lying?”

“No, no I wasn’t lyin’. Yeah, I guess… I’m sober… relatively speakin’. I just don’t think-”

“Is there a reason why you shouldn’t be?”

“I- no, not exactly, but-”

“But?”

“I don’t have… a problem.”

Vegeta tilts his head and wishes he could say all the patronizing quips he’s been holding back since he met this adorable idiot. But that wouldn’t work on this one. This one needed cautious coaxing into deviance. “Then helping me shouldn’t be… Problematic. If anything, it’s better. Because I know I can _trust_ you.”

“Ok.” He says after some thought and Vegeta thinks, _Maybe you won’t be so difficult. You certainly are… agreeable_. “Can I ask you something first? I just think, if I do this, I should know a little more about you.”

“Sure, Kakarot, what do you want to know?” He smirks.

“What do you want? Outta this.” He gestures to the now empty room where the chairs had been, “Why’re ya here? You don’t share. You only talk to me ‘cause I make ya” he smiles, “all I see ya do is look around like you’re …” he pauses and his brows furrow, “hungry, even though you didn’t even eat any of the free food.”

“I didn’t have a chance. You got to it first.”

Kakarot grins, “So why’re ya here?.

"Because I have..." _I want_ "a problem." _To fuck you_ The words sound hollow. He doesn't convince himself, and he wonders when he got so bad at lying. But apparently the admission with or without sincerity was enough because Kakarot nods slowly in thought and moves on.

“And… how long have, um, you been… sober?”

“What?”

“Yeah, and it’s OK if you’re not. That’s why you’re here, so I guess uh-” His eyes dart away, “I guess I’m really asking when the last time you- um,-”

“Two" he hesitates, "months.” That seemed like a normal amount, right? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t have a problem, but he definitely wasn’t _normal._

Kakarot doesn’t seem to buy that lie either though and suddenly Vegeta was wondering if he somehow knew that yes, as soon as he woke up, he got off, and barely four hours after that he was getting fired _again_ for fucking someone when he was supposed to be working, and that he couldn't help himself shortly after seeing Kakarot’s idiot smile in that store because he certainly wasn’t about to make the mistake of coming to one of these meetings where people talk about their depraved sex lives without getting off first. "..." He feels uncomfortable under Kakarot's gaze for the first time.

"If you wanna take this seriously,” Kakarot says letting his words slow down with the weight of disappointment, “then you gotta learn to be honest with yourself, Vegeta. … I want you to do somethin’. To show that yer gonna take this seriously. That sponsorin’ you isn’t gonna jus’ waste my time.” Vegeta’s brows furrow and Kakarot smiles shyly as he quietly elaborates, “Try to wait until the next meeting. Try to go one whole week without any kinda- …” he looks away and gestures, “y’know…”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

“Why would I- my problem isn't-”

“Then it shouldn’t be… problematic. Right?" He smiles, throwing Vegeta's logic back at him. " 'Sides, you won't tell anyone what your problem is. Just that ya have one. So I figure, nothin' for a week is a fair place to start. Lets you hold on to what's really botherin' ya until yer ready, but still tells me you're ready to be here. It's just one week. If you can do that, then we can change it to somethin' that's more better for you 'n yer... problem.” Vegeta opens his mouth, but Kakarot continues, “Oh, and don't try to lie to me next week. I’ll know.”

Vegeta’s face twists with discomfort, “How would you-”

Kakarot looks around, “I’ve been coming to these meetings for a while now… You can always tell when someone’s not sticking to the program… Like, Eighteen. She never did. She was a terrible sponsor. I’ll know.” He winks. Vegeta scoffs indignantly, “Wantin’ to get better isn’t about just goin’ to meetins. And repeatin’ the steps to yerself. You gotta actually take steps to change. But don’t worry. We’ll start small, ok? Just one week. That's where you're gonna start.” Kakarot looks around the empty room and pulls out his phone, “Oh, sheesh! It’s gettin’ kinda late. I gotta get home, but um, here-” He extends his open palm, “Lemme see your phone an' I’ll give ya my number.”

Vegeta, still affronted by Kakarot’s task, hesitates, but hands it over.

Kakarot quickly takes it and begins tapping, “Just in case anythin’ comes up, or you’re really strugglin’, text me, ok? I’m here to support ya.” He hands it back after a few moments of double checking the digits.

“Sure.” Vegeta says tersely and shoves the phone back in his pocket.

“Ok, well I gotta go. I’ll see ya next week, ok?”

“Sure.” He mutters again.

He walks home in the cold, angry and offended by the whole day's events. He wasn't going to entertain Kakarot's ludicrous task, but he was committed. He would have that idiot. One way or another. Maybe not tonight, maybe not next week; It was going to be a long term project. It would require more work and planning and lying than he realized. But it was nothing he hadn't done before. It was nothing he couldn't handle. And more importantly, it was going to be worth it.

_Until then though..._

He opens his phone and begins scrolling through looking for the promise of temporary release in the form of a half satisfying one night stand. He grumbles in frustration when he can’t find what he’s looking for. He keeps flipping back and forth between screens, but- _It was right here, where is it- wait-_ He stops in his tracks as realization hits.

"That fucking dick!” He whips around and tries to see if Kakarot was still within shouting distance. He wasn’t. He looks back at his phone where the apps he used to find local temporary release from city's cruel crushing loneliness no longer existed because _someone_ had deleted them.


	4. Easy, Easier

Monday

It’s not like it's _difficult._ Vegeta scoffs at the thought as he steps out of the shower. _One week._ That is easy. He can to this. He doesn’t want to, like really _really_ doesn’t want to, but he is going to because Kakarot is apparently a human lie detector and Vegeta isn’t going to back down from such an easy challenge with so much taunting.

He tries to think about the last time he’d gone _a single measly stupid fucking week_ without hunting someone down to fuck him harder than life was fucking him. He walks into his room in a towel and stares at the clothes he has laid out on his bed. His brow furrows as he continues to stare at them. He can’t remember. He tries to remember the last time he went a day without, at the very least, getting off.

He stares at himself in the mirror as he finishes buttoning up his shirt. He can’t remember that either.

_It’s just one fucking week. I can do that. I can do anything. I’m Vegeta._ He finishes dressing and thinks about what to do with the rest of his day. He doesn’t have work. Doesn’t have friends. Doesn’t have any hobbies except- 

“...”

He sits on the bed with empty fidgeting hands and an emptier feeling inside. He looks at the small clock on his dresser. It is six twenty-five am.

  
  


Tuesday

  
  


His shirt and shorts are soaked as he pulls the cable toward his chest. He has been here since yesterday with the exception of a few fitful hours of sleep because he doesn’t know how else to fill his time. 

He has always held body maintenance and fitness as a high priority, but yesterday and today have been nothing short of grueling self punishment in comparison to his already usually arduous routines.

But he needs it. Needs to distract himself. Needs something to _do_ that isn’t sizing up every single guy he ran past on his way here. Needs- _Ahg, fuck!_ The weights slam and all focus is sapped out of him as the stranger who just walked in peels off his sweater, then also the tank top underneath and heads for the squat rack. 

He knows if he doesn’t leave now, then within five minutes he will be finishing himself in a bathroom stall and- _Maybe there is something… wrong- No. No, I’m not- I can DO this. It’s EASY. I just don't want be HERE.  
_

Vegeta lets the weights slam again catching the ire of the gym manager before loudly, violently gathering his things as if putting more effort into leaving would help him forget why he had come here in the first place.

_To be. ALONE!_

  
  


Wednesday

He isn’t sleeping, but the buzzing on his nightstand still pisses him off and he snatches it to see who could possibly be bothering him.

[text]

  
  


Kakarot

(0306) Hiya Vegeta! 

(0307) How ya holdin’ up!? 

(0307) :)

His eye twitches in frustration as he reads them. _Fucking annoying HOT idiot! GREAT it’s GREAT! How do you THINK it’s going? … Do you even know what fucking time it is?! You stupid handsome-! I will NEVER get to sleep now._ He angrily taps out a response.

Vegeta

(0310) Perfect. No issues.

Then he tosses his phone across the room and yanks the blankets over his head.

  
  
  
  


Thursday

He can’t redownload the apps. It is the definitive mark of Kakarot’s challenge. If he redownloaded them, even if he doesn’t use them, he is admitting defeat and he can not do that.

So instead he sits on the bench in the locker room after exhausting himself to failure and scrolls through the closest thing to it. He scrolls past pictures that are just barely softcore enough for social media. It is torture, what he is doing to himself, and it is cheating. It is cheating Kakrot’s _stupid_ challenge without cheating. Because it isn’t inherently sexual. It isn’t pornography. It requires no direct interaction with the person on the other side. He doesn’t _get_ anything from it. It doesn’t even awaken anything inside him that isn’t already always there, awake. It isn’t _cheating._

  
  


His phone buzzes with a notification. He blacks out his screen, sighs, and lets his face fall into palms. 

  
  


Friday

  
  


He wakes up with his hand already rubbing that achingly hard part of himself. His brain hasn’t registered yet that he should stop. He doesn’t remember what he was dreaming about, but he knows whatever it was, he _needs_ it.

When consciousness finally finds him, he pauses. He can practically hear Kakarot’s voice in his head except it isn’t chastising him for failing. Worse. _So much worse._ It is egging him on. Edging him closer, _Do it. You want it. You want_ _me_ _. You want me so bad you can’t wait. You’re already so Close, Vegeta, jus’ cu-_ A soft moan escapes him as he feels his cock throb with need. He wants to give in so bad. He can picture the soft needy expression accompanying Kakarot’s honey-sweet tone of voice _perfectly._

Vegeta’s teeth nearly puncture his bottom lip as his fists clutch the sheets and he resists. He tries to purge his thoughts. Tries to think of the tortuous workout he had planned, the food he was going to binge afterwards, the work he would inevitably have to catch up on, but none of it works. Kakarot keeps invading his thoughts. 

He can almost feel his voice, his breath whispering against his ear; can almost feel him hovering above him, on all fours, so close their chests could touch; leaning over him, as a curious experimental hand runs up his thigh, he swears he could almost feel-

His eyes snap open and he sucks in a breath as he stops himself. He pulls one hand away from his thigh, and the other away from his neck.

He is not going to _lose_ to Kakarot.

Not _yet._ Not _like this._

He sits up harder than he’s ever been in his life, grabs his pillow and screams into it. He then gets up walks to the bathroom and spends the better half of the day sitting against cool tile with his knees to his chest while even cooler water pours over him, failing to relieve him.

He feels colder still with the realization that sex has apparently been the one thing keeping him sane.

  
  


Saturday

He wakes up, rolls over looks at his phone which had several messages on it he hadn’t responded to. _Only_ _4 pm?_ He groans before downing the remaining bottle of Nyquil, a few benadryl, and falls back asleep.

  
  


Sunday

  
  


His eyes immediately flick to the clock in the corner of the room as he enters. It’s been six days 23 hours fifty nine minutes and four seconds. _I just have to wait one more fucking MINU-  
_

“Vegeta!” Kakarot smiles at him as he walks through the doors, “How ya doin’? You didn’t respond to my messages yesterday. Or the day before, or-”

_-twelve, thirteen, fourteen-_ Vegeta tries his best to tune out his foolish voice before he snapped and ruined his chances all together.

“Hey, hey Vegeta.” A hand waves in front of his face, “Veget-” Vegeta smacks it away. 

“What?!” He cracks, but doesn’t break. Then he brushes past Kakarot and with crossed arms loudly flops down into a chair.

_Twenty one, twenty two, twenty thr-_

"Are you alright?” He smiles as he sits next to him.

“Yes! Fine!"

_Twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine-_

He is not fine and his posture reflects that and everyone gives him room. Except Kakarot. He doesn’t seem to notice that Vegeta is particularly snappy, shaking his leg, grinding his teeth, arms tucked so tight into his armpits he is risking his circulation, while everyone else goes on to talk about how they’ve been failing to abstain from their kinks, fetishes, and other _self destructive compulsive behaviors._ And the only thing that finally makes his head snap back up from being buried in the misery that was counting the minutes of sexual sobriety _(six days, twenty three hours, fifty nine minutes and thirty four, thirty five, thirty si-)_ is someone calling his name.

“Vegeta?”

“Wha-?” 

“Did you want to share?”

“N-”

_Thirty-nine, forty, forty one-_

“Don’t be shy. This is a safe space. There’s no shaming here-” She prods with a condescending grin that told Vegeta, yes, she absolutely was going to shame him for whatever it was that he struggled with because Vegeta was _competition_.

“Yeah, Vegeta.” Kakarot encourages, “It’s ok.”

“I don’t have a pr-” He cuts himself off, “I’m not here to _share._ ”

_Forty six, forty seven-_

“Then… why are you here?” The counselor raises a brow and clicks a pen, “This isn’t your first time with us. You must have returned for a reason. Why don’t you start with talking about what made you come back?” 

_Fifty, fifty one, fifty two, fifty three-_

His mouth opens. “No, I- It’s not- I’m not-” Vegeta had never been a high performer under pressure. He had a nasty tendency to self sabotage when things got difficult. It was just easier that way; to be in control of his failures.

His hands clench. He feels sweat down the back of his neck. Everything aches and hurts from hours upon hours of self punishing workouts, no, the pain was deeper than that. He felt real physical _pain_ from denying himself release and he’s sure that even if he gave in here, now, it wouldn’t be enough. He had been _starved_. A one night stand would never be enough to satiate the painful hollow inside him demanding to be filled; to feed the hunger left behind by self inflicted abstinence. He wasn’t sure what COULD relieve this, it was so-

His eyes flick to Kakarot, to his sympathetic smile, to his slight supportive gesture, to that indomitable light in his eyes. And suddenly he knew what the only way to relieve this was. The agony he’d put himself through had made him temporarily lose sight of _why_ he’d agreed to it in the first place. He _had_ to ruin Kakarot. But in order to ruin Kakarot, he had to play his irritating little savior game until he found a way to break down every good moral that idiot was clearly struggling to cling to amidst his collapsing marriage.

His face twitches with a familiar smirk as he looks away from _Why_ and back at the counselor, at all the tired pathetic faces here tonight looking for saving, or forgiveness, or healing, _or whatever the fuck-_ And he opens his mouth.

_Fifty eight, fifty nine-_

And he shares. 

  
  


***

  
  


“How do you even remember them all?!” Kakarot asks in awe. He has to trot in order to keep up to Vegeta who was making his way out of that room as humanly possible after his experiment in explicit honesty. He felt dirty and alien saying it all out loud for the first time. He did not want to stay to hear their pity, their “you’re so brave”, their accolades for opening up or worse, their sorry attempts to relate their lives to his. He didn’t not want to answer any questions, he did not want to defend some of the things he had done. He especially did not want to hear the counselor's presumptuous speculations about abandonment issues and why he felt 'relationships' were a 'waste of time'. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. He had done enough talking for the next three years. All he wanted right now was a shower. But for Kakarot, he’d make an exception.

Vegeta raises a brow and shrugs, “Good memory.”

“Do you-” He looks around and lowers his voice before asking, “Keep anything?”

“What?”

“Yeah. Like… somethin’ to-” He says quietly with a half smile, “to remember each one. Pictures or clothing or write it down... or somethin’.”

“Christ, Kakarot. No. I’m not a serial killer.”

“Hm.” Kakarot gives him a sidelong glance, “I’m not sure I believe ya.” he teases.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, I mean, you got this ‘method’ where ya ‘hunt’ them, an' you ain't never been with the same person twice." He smiles. "Do you-"

“I don’t believe how rude you are. The meeting is over and yet here you are, practically following me home, asking for _more_ personal details about my life. If I am a serial killer, you’re surely setting yourself up to be my next victim, Kakarot.” He smirks.

Kakarot's smile drops, “Oh. I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean nothin’ by all the questions. I was just really surprised is all. Over 900? Really?”

_Soon to be over nine hundred and one-_ “Yes. Really.”

“Most people who come to these don’t know. Or they lie ‘cause they’re ashamed. But you’re like- You’re just so proud of it. You don’t even try to hide it.” He laughs. “I think you’re gonna bring a really good energy to the group. I sure hope ya stick with the program.” Then he slows and stops with a question on the tip of his tongue, but was too embarrassed to ask.

Vegeta stops and turns around, “What?”

“So, uh… it went.. It went well? The uh…” he cracks a small smile, “ ‘homework’ I gave ya? I don’t mean no offense or anythin’, but I’m real surprised after hearin’-” he gestures weakly to Vegeta, “everythin’. I jus’ wanna make sure… ‘Cause I’m yer sponsor an’ all that.”

Vegeta looks at Kakarot and exhales slowly before answering honestly. “No. It did not go well. But I did it.” 

Kakarot smiles softly at him. “And?”

“And what?”

“Do ya think you can keep it up?"

_Fuck, I have to continue it? Are you fucking serious? I just want to take you back to my place and-_ He feels the sweats come back as he nods tersely in the affirmative.

"Do ya think you can do somethin’ else too, then? If that was easy an' you feel yer ready for more then-” 

Vegeta bites his tongue to keep himself from biting his lip. “What else… did you have in mind?”

He rubs the back of his neck and avoids Vegeta’s eyes, “Uhh… well, normally, I’d say you should tryta do somethin’ like make amends to the people in yer life that yer addiction has hurt, but- that’s kinda- you gotta lotta- you don’t really have a lotta people actually in yer life, do you?”

Vegeta feels his face heat up a little and suddenly he was the one who had to look away.

“So… maybe try jus’... makin’ a friend. Try jus’ talkin’ to someone to get to know them insteada tryna-” he struggles to find the word, so Vegeta finds it for him.

“Fuck them?”

“Yeah.” he agrees with a tinge of embarrassment in his cheeks.

_Ahhhg- why is that face so infuriatingly adorable!? I’m going to agree to anything you say with that face-_

“Whadya think? You up for it?”

He scoffs. “Of course. That’s easy. Have a conversation with someone? That’s what you want me to do?” He scoffs again and Kakarot laughs.

“Ohh, I dunno. Sometimes the easy things are the hardest.” He pauses and Vegeta can see the rusty little gears turning in Kakarot’s head trying to make sure that what he’d said made any sense. _It didn’t, idiot. But that’s ok._

“Anyway.” Kakarot looks around, “I think this is my turn. You let me know if you have any trouble, Okay? See ya later, Vegeta!”

Vegeta nods and waves him off before stopping and watching him bound away with that idiotic skip in his step like all was right with the world.

After a week of suffering, he thought he was going to be all but aching for a binge-er. And he had been. More than aching. But after that meeting, that expulsion of... _everything_ , he had to admit he felt... better, nervous sweats about another whole week aside. He had been a little worried his 'sharing' would scare Kakarot off, but he seemed more invested than ever. Vegeta thinks, he can do this: stay sober and make a friend.

  
In fact he knew just who he wanted to _befriend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll have NO idea how much I wanted to be that tacky bitch who put "over 9000" in their work. Ok, but the math on that actually did NOT check out for the story. And if you think 900 is still an egregiously high number, look up Magic Johnson, who had relations with nearly 1000 women in a single year. Wow. What a fuckin' champ. Literally. Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Wilt Chamberlain also both claimed something like ten to twenty thousand over the course of their careers. Moral of the story here, if you want to get laid, play basketball.
> 
> Hummm.... still working out my beautiful sweet summer child, Goku here. He kinda pulled me aside last chapter and whispered some shit to me he's been thinking about on the DL that I'm gonna need to work in, sooo we'll see, but this might be a couple chapters longer than I anticipated.
> 
> Do I over use italics?


	5. The F Word

[text]

Vegeta

I don’t think I can keep doing this

Kakarot

what do u mean?

Vegeta

I’m really struggling. 

I don’t think I can keep up with the program.

Kakarot

where r u?

Vegeta rolls his eyes at the tacky name these places always had as he types it out and gets a response almost immediately.

  
  


Kakarot

k. Ill b there in 15!

Don’t leave!

  
  
  


Who knew a cry for help would work this well? He was only lying a little. He really shouldn’t have walked in here. It did not _help_ to be in here. He is not going to stick to Kakarot’s irritating little _challenge_ if he stays. But he wanted a drink, and he had always made a habit of never drinking alone. So here he is. Finding himself a drinking buddy. Vegeta had his suspicions, but it worked even better than he could have anticipated. Kakarot is here in twelve minutes, not fifteen, and breathes a sigh of relief as soon as he sees Vegeta.

_Here to save me so soon?_ He smirks as Kakarot walks over.

Kakarot looks around warily as he takes the stool next to him, “You’re at… a bar?”

Vegeta rolls his eyes, “I’m a sex addict, not an alcoholic, Kakarot. I can have a drink.”

“Alcohol lowers your… inhi-bitions an' makes ya... do things ya normally wouldn’t. It’s not a good practice. To try an’ replace one addiction with another.”

“Ooh. _Inhibitions._ Isn’t that a big word.” He teases because it was clear Kakarot was just a little self-conscious about his obvious lack of formal education. It was easy to notice that he repeated phrases and words he learned during their group sessions to show he was listening, that he understood, that he could _help_. 

Vegeta had the aching suspicion he probably used them at home too, to prove to his wife that he was going to meetings after all. But right now, at this very moment, he was repeating them to Vegeta because he was looking for reassurance, -‘ _I can save you, can’t I?’-_ waiting for it. _And how could I not give it to you?_ Vegeta tilts his head with mock sympathy. “Well, isn’t that what you’re here for?” He grins. “Sponsor.”

“Yeah. That’s what I’m here for.” Kakarot relaxes. Vegeta hadn’t realized his small jab had made Kakarot so uncomfortable, so embarrassed, he almost felt bad. Almost. He briefly wonders if he’ll feel bad when he had Kakarot shaking in his bed pleading for more of his sinful mouth. _Yes._ So _so bad._

"Do ya mind if I grab food? Lets get a table instead, I'm starved!" Kakarot smiles wide and Vegeta snorts and acquiesces.

“So how’re ya?” He asks with genuine concern in his voice as he works on his second serving of nachos, “When I got your messages I got worried. I thought you mighta already-”

“No. I’m fine.” Vegeta cuts him off with an honest answer, “Now.” And it makes him feel inexplicably warm, the way Kakarot smiles back. Suddenly he didn’t care about the hot blonde at the end of the bar he’d eyed as soon as he walked in. All he cared about was finding a way to break the beautiful smile in front of him. Vegeta steals a chip for himself as he watches Kakarot's endless joy over something so simple as food.

“I never been to a place like this before.” Kakarot remarks as he looks around curiously. “I thought it’d be different.”

“What did you expect?” He raises a brow, “Male strippers?”

“No. I dunno. … Kinda.” He says bashfully, “Maybe more lights ‘n music ‘n dancin’ ‘n… I’m not… really sure, but this just looks like… any other bar.”

Vegeta snorts, “Because it is.”

“I guess so.” A small shy smile ghosts his face as Vegeta signals the bartender for two drinks.

He hadn’t intended on getting to know Kakarot personally, but whenever the idiot opened his mouth for the unfortunate purpose of _talking,_ it was difficult for Vegeta to pretend he wasn’t, at the very least, a bit bewildered by Kakarot’s ill-fated domestic situation.

“Y’know it’s funny, my wife thinks people like you are-” He hesitates, “… are an abomination.”

“I don’t think that’s very funny.” Vegeta spits quickly with a dark look. Kakarot’s regret is immediate, so Vegeta reluctantly gives him a chance to redeem himself before suddenly deciding this was a lost cause and leaving with someone else, “... What do _you_ think?

“Uh- well- '' His eyes dart away from Vegeta, “I think you’re jus’ fine, Vegeta. I wouldn’a offered to do this if I thought somethin’ was wrong with… that.”

Kakarot forces a grin and Vegeta rolls his eyes. “How progressive of you.” He says dryly and takes a drink.

“If I learned anythin’ from all those group sessions, it’s that people can’t really help the way they are an’ that my wife was wrong abouta lotta things.” He lets out a short huff of laughter, “I used to argue with her, but I never won… so I stopped doin’ that.”

_You stopped doing a lot of things with her, apparently._ “And started doing this?” He gestures between them.

“Uh, yeah. I guess so. It’s like… my little way of fightin’ back, maybe. Ha. Makin’ friends with people she’d hate me bein’ friends with. ...Although I never thought I’d be friends with someone like you either.” Vegeta raises a brow, “Sorry! It’s not- I didn’t mean that- I just-” He blushes and stammers “You’re not what I expected, is all. Kinda like this bar. But I’m happy we’re friends. An’ I’m happy I’m here.” He looks around with insecurity leaking out of every pore on his body, “...With ya.”

”Oh, so we’re friends now?” Vegeta runs his finger along the edge of his glass.

“Well, yeah. R-right?”

“Yeah. We’re _friends._ ” He leans in a little closer and takes a sip from his drink, “I guess that means I win your challenge this week.”

Kakarot’s eyes widen in surprise and Vegeta watches his face redden a little, “Oh- uh” he chuckles, “Yeah I guess so. But maybe I shouldn’t count. And it’s not really ‘winnin’ Vegeta, you shouldn’t think of it like a game-”

“Why not?”

“Cause… It’s not a game. It’s… you tryna… tryna be better and-”

“No, why don’t you count?” He frowns.

“‘Cause… I’m in the group?”

“That wasn’t part of your original conditions.” He pulls back, “You can't go changing the rules on me now. I need routine and consistency. Or I’ll fail.”

Kakarot laughs, then stops, then laughs again. “O-ok. Yeah, well, we definitely don’t want that.”

“No. We don’t. Who knows what will happen. I’ll probably spiral out of control and go right back to my old ways of trying to get fucked by...” He looks casually around the bar and very carefully punctuates his next words by looking at everyone _but_ Kakarot, “Anything that moves.”

Kakarot taps the half empty glass in front of him a few times, “Ok. I’ll let ya have this one. You win.”

  
  


Maybe it wasn’t fair, but god, was it _easy._ He found out he could text Kakarot he was falling off the wagon whenever he wanted and the idiot would be there. He had no idea what Kakarot did all day, but without fail he would respond to Vegeta’s messages no matter the hour. Vegeta had tested his devotion to his new job as sponsor every single day since their initial drink. Now, it was Sunday and the meeting was over and they were here, again. Drinking, talking, and _talking._

Vegeta got a kick out of picturing him sitting at the dinner table with his bitch of a wife, waiting, praying his phone would ring so he could have an excuse to escape. Because it was clear, Kakarot was in desperate need of a friend too. He reacted to the slightest attention like he was completely starved of it. _Of course he is. How long did he say? Two years and six months or some bullshit?_

Whatever he’d said it was obviously too long because here Kakarot was leaning in to every touch, hanging on every word, responding instantly to any request; Vegeta was pretty sure he could ask Kakarot to help him hide a body at this point and he’d show up at his door with a shovel. He was so close to having Kakarot right where he wanted him. Desperate, close, and _interested_ _._

  
  


"Yer not from around here are ya?" Kakarot asks.

Vegeta downs the rest of the drink instead of answering.

"I was jus' askin' 'cause I notice you kinda got an accent."

Vegeta looks through his empty glass, "Do I? I thought I had gotten rid of it years ago."

"It comes out a little when ya drink." He smiles, "It’s-uh, it's... cute." He says shyly.

Vegeta raises a brow, "Careful kakarot. I might think you're flirting with me."

Kakarot lets out a short soft laugh, "Maybe… I am."

"Are you? You shouldn’t be." He grins mischievously. “You know I have a problem. Sponsor.”

"Uhhahaha- it was- it was jus’ a test. And… Ya passed!" His hand reaches behind his neck.

_You failed._ Vegeta leans back with a smirk, “A test? I wasn’t aware there’d be tests. That’s hardly fair. What kind of sponsorship is this? I swear, sometimes I think you want me to fail.”

“No, no! I don’t! I-” He laughs anxiously, “I just- … So where are ya from anyway?"

Vegeta signals for two more drinks and lets the subject drop because he liked letting Kakarot think he was being a good sponsor, that he wasn’t falling right into Vegeta’s trap. He liked watching Kakarot simmer and wallow in his confusion as he sorted through new and interesting thoughts. "Somewhere very very far away."

“What’s it like there?”

Vegeta’s gaze wanders far away as he tries to remember. “Hot. Dry. ...I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back.”

“Do ya ever think ya will?”

“Return? No.” He shakes his head, “I don’t think so. What’s the point? My family is dead.”

Kakarot reels back in shock, “I-I’m sorry I didn’t know that-” 

Vegeta waves him off, “It’s alright. It’s been years.”

He smiles softly, “...Still. I’m sorry. Must be hard… Not to have anybody.”

Vegeta shrugs, “Maybe it’s why I want… everybody.”

“Not everybody.” Kakarot chuckles and looks around the bar that catered to a very specific type of person.

“I suppose that’s true.” Vegeta lets out a huff of laughter, “And what do you want, Kakarot?”

“W-what?”

“Everyone wants someone. Something. What do you want? Out of-” he gestures vaguely, “Life.”

“Oh, I dunno.” He rubs the back of his neck, “T-to make other people… happy. I guess.”

“And how is that working out for you so far?”

“Uhh…” 

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m… happy.”

“Kakarot…” He shakes his head with a condescending smile, “Happy people don’t go to sex addicts anonymous meetings. Happy people…” He presses his glass to his lip, “Have sex with with their wives.” He says before taking a sip.

“That’s not-” Kakarot cringes at whatever thoughts just ran through his head, ”No, it’s not like- we’re ha-”

“I really don’t think you’re in a position to pretend you have any kind of expertise on this.” Vegeta crosses his arms with a playful smirk, “Do you even share a bed with her?” Kakarot’s expression tells Vegeta everything he needs to know and he clicks his tongue, “What she’s doing to you? It’s criminal. Making you do these meetings. Ludicrous. You looked absolutely miserable tonight sitting there listening to that licentious counselor lecture everyone about ‘healthy habits’. As if she knows anything about that.” He scoffs, “Does it really make her happy that you go to meetings? Or does she laud that over your head too?” He can see Kakarot backtracking his thoughts, questioning his beliefs, and he knows he’s close to cracking this hapless idiot. “You’ve given me assignments, can I give you one for a change?”

“Uhh-”

“Since she doesn’t appreciate you, you should at least _appreciate_ yourself, Kakarot. Before the next meeting, I want you to do something that makes _you_ happy _._ Do you think you can manage that?”

He nods hesitantly, “Yeah… I think I can… manage… But only if-”

“If what?”

“If you accept the same assignment.” He smiles, “You gotta do somethin’ that makes you happy too. Somethin’ other than- … than (sex)” he says quietly, “that makes ya feel good. I think that’s a good challenge."

“Nothing feels better than sex, Kakarot.” He humms. _Not that you'd know. But you will._

“I didn’t say it had to feel better. I said it’s gotta make ya happy. There’s a difference.”

Vegeta raises a brow. "Is there?" Kakarot nods eagerly. “Ok. Then… Sure.” He raises his glass, “To being… happy.”

“To bein’ happy.” Kakarot’s grin widens and they cheers.

Kakarot is in the bathroom while Vegeta decides to pay both their tabs. _A favor paid is a favor owed._ The bartender returns his card but holds onto a second longer than he needs to. Vegeta looks up at him with furrowed brows.

“I-” The bartender starts, “Hey, you look like a guy that can take care of himself an’ all that. But-” He nods toward the bathroom, “You sure you’re ok with that guy?”

Vegeta snorts, “What?” _He should be asking Kakarot this. Not me._

“I just noticed… He was avoidin’ all the cameras.”

Vegeta tilts his head in confusion, “What?”

“Yeah, the way he was sittin’ and all that.” He points to the few cameras in the corners of the bar, “Every time he comes in here and talks to you. … I worked here long enough to know what to look for. Just raised a red flag is all.”

Vegeta’s laugh is caught in a scoff, “I don’t think he knew he was doing that.”

“Mm. Sure about that? He does it every time he comes in here. Pulls you off to a corner my cameras can’t see. Only ever pays cash. Gets this look on his face whenever your back is turned.”

Vegeta hesitates, “What look?”

He shrugs, “His smile didn’t look so nice is all. Gave me a vibe.”

“I-” His brows fold. “Yeah, I’m fine. He’s fine.”

“A’right, a’right. Just wanted to make sure is all.”

Vegeta walks out and after a few moments Kakarot joins him.

“You paid my tab?” He asks with a smile. Vegeta looks at him, he really studies that smile. But he can’t for the life of him figure out what the bartender was talking about. It looked dopey as ever. There wasn’t a bad bone in this idiot. That was part of his appeal. Why Vegeta wanted him. Wanted to ruin him.

“Vegeta?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He shakes off the sudden feeling of unease, “Just thought it’d get us out of there faster…” he trails off in thought.

“Haha, ok. I got it next time. Kay?”

“Sure.”

Kakarot looks at his phone, "Oof. I better be gettin' back or Chi-Chi will start callin' and bein' all crazy." He smiles, "See ya later, Vegeta."

"...See ya." He returns weakly as he watches Kakarot wave and grin and walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth on the last part with the bartender. I didn't know if i wanted to add it. :P Hopefully it served it's purpose and gave yall some chills because I felt the rest of this chapter was actually a bit... sweet? euhg. 
> 
> Humm. this took me quite a while to actually piece together as far as dialogue goes. Next chapter might be a little bit for the same tricky reasons. 
> 
> Also, no one reads my trash before posting, so I apologize for typos and errors.


	6. Relapse

Vegeta racks the bar he is pressing and sits up. He feels good. That was the best workout he’s had in weeks, maybe months. He thinks the constant irritating buzz telling him to _do_ something was finally beginning to ebb after so much neglect, and he is able to focus on everything else a little more clearly. Things like… _Figuring out what the fuck happiness is..._

He sighs and wipes sweat away from his brow. It is Thursday and he has tried everything. He has done all the things he could think of that were not ‘destructive’ that made him feel good, even though Kakarot had specifically said that is not _happiness._ He’d even gone through the trouble of trying to figure out how to make food he hadn’t had in a long time, since he’d last been in his home country. It turned out nothing like he remembered though and he chalked the entire experience up as a failure leaving him nothing short of more frustrated than when he began. He considered talking to Nappa. He considered asking for his job back because he knew that wouldn’t feel good, but it would feel something. Accomplished, maybe. Busy. Distracted at least. It would be something to do that he could chalk up as healthy and maybe that was closer to ‘happy’ than nothing.

His finger is on the dial button when he thinks, maybe the issue isn’t the various routines and activities he’s struggled to cobble together; maybe… _it’s me._

So that was why instead of sitting in a back office, he was tapping his fingertips on a wooden table with irritation waiting for Kakarot at their usual spot. That was why he kept looking at his phone to check the time even though he was here fifteen minutes before he told Kakarot to meet him. That was why he was downing liquor like water, threading anxious fingers through his hair. Because it’s not _me._ It can’t be _me._ _I can be ‘happy.’_ But he didn’t even know where to begin. This was _impossible, this ‘happiness.’ Idiotic challenge- I’ll just lie or- or try whatever he’s doing and call it a fucking week-_

The door opens and Vegeta’s head immediately pops up from the sinking despair that was no more dark liquor in a clear glass and in a rare unguarded moment of honesty, he smiles.

“Kakarot.” Vegeta says as the other takes a seat across from him. 

  
“Hiya, Vegeta.” Kakarot’s familiar genuine expression of recognition floods him with something warm and- _I definitely drank too much._ He silently reprimands himself as Kakarot’s cute face dizzies him with how _perfect_ and _sweet_ and _innocent_ and _stupidly handsome_ it was. His own thoughts made him want to puke. He hated this sexual limbo he’d tricked himself into. No sex for the promise of the best sex, and he didn’t even know for sure if it was going to be, he just had this _feeling_ it would be and yet for some reason when he looked at Kakarot just now he didn’t think about sex, he just thought about _how good it is to see you._ He swallows down the thought and all the unfamiliar unwelcome feelings along with it.

“Haven’t heard from ya much this week.” He smiles softly. “It’s goin’ good?”

“Tch.” He waves him off, “Of course, I- who cares. Who cares about me.” He sighs and slurs a little as he asks, “Did _you_ do it?”

Kakarot’s head tilts and his brows furrow a little despite his constant smile. “Do what?”

“The challenge.” He gestures, “the game, the test, the- the- whatever it is.” Vegeta rolls his eyes. “Extra assignment.”

“Oh. Yeah, er- not yet, but I got somethin’ planned an’ I’m real excited.”

Vegeta’s expression drops a little with disappointment. “You do?” _Don’t you struggle with anything?_

“Yeah, it’s somethin’ I haven't done in a while 'cause Chi-Chi, thas’ my wife, hates it. But it always makes me feel like… like I done somethin’ good, y’know what I mean? … I like gettin’ outta the house. It’ll be hard work, but sometimes that’s what makes it worth it, y’know?”

“Mm, I know _exactly_ what you mean.” He watches Kakarot’s weird twitchy little expressions for a moment before asking, “What is it?”

“Oh, I’m goin’ huntin’.” He grins broadly.

He raises a brow in surprise, “You... hunt?” He asks curiously.

“Yeah! Yeah, I love hunting. ... I thought you woulda known that.” He tilts his head.

Vegeta chuckles softly at Kakarot’s endearing naivety, “And why... would I know that?”

“Because-” Kakarot freezes and his smile drops, but comes back almost as fast as it left, “‘cause-” He laughs awkwardly and sends a good-natured fist into Vegeta’s shoulder, “Y’know, you also- right? Never mind.” His eyes dart away, “I dunno why I said that. Stupid!” He smacks his palm against his forehead and mutters, “So stupid, Goku. Stupid. Why would he know that?”

“...Go-ku?” Vegeta can’t repress the curve in his lip. “Is that your real name?”

Kakarot looks up, “Wh-what?”

Vegeta lets out a soft chuckle, “You said…” He studies Kakarot’s peculiar sudden pallor, “Nothing. Never mind. I just…” He reaches across and lets his hand casually drop on to Kakarot’s because, and maybe this was the liquor thinking, he felt lucky tonight _or is that desperation?_ He did not want to make it to the next meeting. He _couldn’t._ He just wanted to feel good and happy or as close to it as his brain would let him be, and he was pretty sure the only way he could feel those things was if he took Kakarot home tonight and ruined his life forever by getting him addicted too. “You’re not stupid. You’re-”

Compliments had never been Vegeta’s forte, but the resulting rejection was still as unexpected as it was humiliating. Kakarot quickly pulls his hand away and avoids eye contact with Vegeta as he stands up. “I should-” He rubs the back of his neck, “I gotta go.”

“What? Why?” _Shit. I moved too fast. Too fast! I can recover this-_ “Kakarot, wait, I didn’t mean- It wasn’t-” he tries unsuccessfully to brush off what was apparently _too familiar_ a gesture. 

Kakarot steps back from him and looks toward the exit, “It’s- it’s not you. My wife- er- somethin’ I just- I gotta go. Sorry.”

“Wait, wait, Kakar-” He is already out the door, “-ot…” 

Vegeta pauses and debates trying to follow Kakarot out and stop him, but in his experience persistence against someone insecure with their sexuality did nothing but guarantee yourself a solid crack to the face. He had gotten drunk, he had gotten impatient. And now he lost his only shot at the _perfect_ lay. Kakarot slipped right through his fingertips and out the door. 

This would take days, maybe weeks of recovery, if he ever succeeded in recovering, and Vegeta did _not_ have the patience for that. He never had, and he never would. He had already sacrificed enough and it had gotten him _nothing._ This whole thing - _sex addicts anonymous-_ was a farce. Kakarot was a waste of time. A fantasy he had deluded himself with for weeks. Kakarot was nothing. He meant nothing. And as a result his assignments meant nothing.

_Fuck happiness._

The bartender looks at Vegeta with a face that was just dying to say _I told you so._ Vegeta had half a mind to hit the asshole for being right. And the other half-

Vegeta walks up to the bartender avoiding his smug expression. He then taps his fingers rhythmically against the bar and clicks his tongue before asking, “What time do you get off?”

***

He barely makes it to the bathroom before puking into the sink. He looks at himself in the mirror and thinks he’s never looked worse. He barely recognizes himself. He looks at his phone. It hasn’t even been seventy-two hours since Kakarot walked out on him. Rejection rarely ever happened to Vegeta. People simply did not deny his charming narcissism. So when he did hear the word _No_ he never handled it well, but this was a new low for him. 

He doesn’t know how many people he’s been with. He lost count. He had never lost count before. He doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know how much he drank or what those pills he ate were for. And none of it helped. That was the worst part. In all those blurry dark echoes in his head of the last few days, he hadn’t gotten off. Not once. The pure unadulterated pleasure he usually felt from this kind of recklessness suddenly didn’t _feel_ good. It felt like it was eating away at his insides, melting through him like acid. The closer he tried to get to filling the void, the deeper the void became. He just wanted to feel good.

Instead he was hunched over a filthy sink in a dirtier bathroom, running his fingers through his hair, puking up what he imagined shame to look like because each encounter has been a more abysmal failure than the last leaving him fiending worse than ever. Needing relief more than ever. Feeling further from the dopamine rush of completion more than ever. Further, even, than when he wasn’t getting laid at all! _How is that even POSSIBLE?!_

He blames sobriety for rock bottom hitting him so hard. He blames Kakarot. He blames Nappa. He blames Seventeen. He blames the two guys he’d just let skewer him like meat on a spit-roast. He blames the guy before that who wouldn’t choke him to the point of blacking out because apparently saying, _yes, harder, just put me out of my fucking misery_ is a turn-off for some people _._ He blames everyone he’s been with. He blames Kakarot. He blames the bartender. He blames the counselor. He blames this city. He blames his dead parents. He blames alcohol and drugs and _sex_ for feeling so good and so bad. He blames Kakarot. He blames everything but himself.

He scrolls through his contacts and taps the only one that had a name. _It’s not even his real name._

No answer. 

He slumps back against the cool tile walls and slowly sinks to the floor.

He needed to go home. He needed to shower. He needed to sober up. He needed to find God. He needed…

  
  
  


_Help_

  
  


***

  
  
  


He doesn’t bother showering. He doesn’t bother going home. He is already late, so he walks in still reeking of sweat, different colognes, none of which belonged to him, alcohol, and cigarette smoke. He smells like the Night After, or several _Nights After_ and he looks about as put-together as he smells. Everyone’s attention turns to him and for once he doesn’t want it. His eyes scan the chairs and his stomach sinks when he doesn’t see him. He drops into the nearest empty seat.

  
  


“Sometimes you have to stop and remember to take it one day at a time…” The counselor’s voice echoes distantly as his mind wanders off.

  
  


He’d have been lying to himself if he didn’t say the most immediate reason he showed up was to see Kakarot. Not that he would have been able to redeem himself in this state. It just would have been… nice. Nice to see him flash that smile.

  
  


“Sobriety isn’t about tomorrow, or next week, or next month. It’s about the moment right in front of you, because sometimes you fall off the wagon. For days. For weeks. For months. Monday you start over and by Wednesday you’ve already fallen back off...”

  
  


Nice to tell him, _in detail,_ what he’s been up to since they last saw each other. He wonders what Kakarot would have to say about it. He wonders what Kakarot would think if he used the group session to describe each encounter more explicitly than the last. Wonders if he’d squirm in his seat as he sat here and told everyone, but especially Kakarot, how he never failed to make his partners scream in pleasure. 

  
  


“Sometimes you have to restart a thousand times and it’s frustrating, but you have to remember to tell yourself that you can do this. It’s always OK to start over. It’s never too late to give yourself a fresh start. But you have to be in the moment to give yourself that fresh start...”

  
  


He wonders what Kakarot would feel if he admitted how unsatisfied he’d been left after each one, like something, or _someone_ was missing. He wonders if describing how badly he wanted, _needed,_ more would rip right through to Kakarot’s soft gooey sex-starved little core and set him _on edge._

He wonders if Kakarot would be able to stand up after a meeting like that. Or if he’d have to stay seated as Vegeta walked up to him and casually leaned down with his mouth close to his ear to threaten quietly, _I can wait another week. But can you?_

He imagines Kakarot’s soft needy expression and a softer, needier sound escaping him that quickly leads to Vegeta being shoved against a bathroom stall by Kakarot’s hands and mouth, in this run-down old building the moment the meeting is over. He imagines quiet desperate whimpers of his name in his ear. _Vegeta. Vegeta. Veg-_

“-eta? Are you still with us?” The counselor asks. And Vegeta’s attention snaps back to the room in front of him. “You look a little,” Her eyes assess him critically, “...ill. Are you alright? Have anything to share?”

He tersely shakes his head.

“You know, this support system we have works better with participation.” She smiles.

“I am not here for your _support_ ,” he bites out acidicly.

“No?” Bulma turns her nose up at him with a condescending smile, “Your sponsor didn’t show up today. How is that going? Did it work out? Has he made himself _available_ to you? Or are you looking for another-”

He narrows his eyes at her blunt accusation. “My relationship with my sponsor is none of your concern, _woman.”_

“Your healing journey is my concern, Vegeta. That’s why I’m here. That’s why you’re here. That’s why we’re all here-”

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes. “‘Healing is not why you’re here.”

She crosses her legs. “I have the ability to kick you out of this group if you continue to be a disruption and only use our time here for satisfying your toxic lifestyle. These people are looking for-”

“For a path to recovery?” Vegeta scoffs loudly, “Oh please. No one here is looking for anything other than someone else with the same kink.”

There are several uncomfortable shifts around the group circle and it is unbearably quiet as she flattens her wrinkled skirt before replying. “And what ‘kink’ are you looking for here? Hm?” she says, still trying to play therapist. “How about we discuss that instead-”

“What, so you can get off later tonight thinking about what I do in bed with other men?” He clips his words with a sardonic grin, “Or so you can tear me apart with your ‘expertise’ and emasculate me in front of everyone because I’m a threat on your territory?” The counselor sputters angrily, but never manages to get out a response. “I hardly think you’re one to judge what I’m here for. You started this for the same underhanded reasons I showed up, you vulgar succubus.”

Her mouth pops open, “E-Excuse me?!”

“You heard me,” he snaps back.

“I- I am not-!” Her eyes widen and her nostrils flare at the name. “What _I_ do, _helps_ people. This group helps-”

“Helps you get laid, maybe.” He snorts and several members stifle their laughs. The counselor’s cheeks turn red in anger-fueled embarrassment. “The only reason I haven’t done exactly what I showed up to do is because of Kakarot. He might be the _only_ person who’s ever attended that didn’t have ‘getting fucked’ on his agenda. So how about you think before slinging accusations at me and someone who’s not even here to defend himself.”

All the members look to the counselor waiting for her response but she remains silent.

“And if you must know why I’m even here today like- like this!” He gestures to his disheveled appearance. “Despite his absence, despite the fact that I hate this shit. Then, fine. Sharing time.” He hesitates and looks at the wide eyed expressions around him, “... I need help. Serious fucking help. Because news flash. I have no self control! As if it wasn’t explicitly obvious from the moment I walked in. I think about sex constantly! Even just now while you babbled on with your pseudoscience about addiction psychology, I was thinking about it. It drives everything I do! Everything I say! I can’t even hold down a job because I compulsively fuck coworkers and customers alike! Yeah, left that part of out last time I ‘shared.’ Because it’s humiliating!” 

He takes a breath before continuing, “I have no friends. I can't- won’t- commit to a relationship that lasts longer than however long I’m willing to spend in someone’s bedroom. My experiment with ‘sobriety’ was the single worst experience of my entire fucking life and I did it to try and get laid.” He scoffs, “And I think it broke me because now! … I can’t get off! I can’t- ... I’ve tried _everything_ ” He laughs uncomfortably. “EVERYTHING! But I- … So I came here… to find Kakarot. Because I thought he might… help. But I think” His brows furrow, “... He decided I wasn’t worth sponsoring anymore… and … he was right. I’m not.” His voice drops quieter and he speaks more to himself than to anyone else as he admits, “… his idiot fucking challenges were the only thing holding me togeth- he was the only person I’ve ever bothered to- I- He-” He sucks in a hurt breathe. “Fuck. Fuck this place. Fuck this meeting. Fuck you. All of you.”

“Wow. That was-” One of the girls claps her hands together and smiles sympathetically, “So brav-”

Vegeta’s head lolls to one side as he says tiredly, “Shut up.” And he walks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :> aw yis. mfin new chapter. Shout out to Iuvenes for helping me fix my blundering errors. Hopefully this reads more fluidly than my previous chapters.


	7. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goku decides to take more drastic action to get Vegeta the help he needs.

Vegeta rubs his eyes as he wakes up on the couch. He looks at his phone to check and see if it is just as god-awful an hour as he suspects. He thinks it must have been the thunder playing tricks on him, but as he tries to fall back asleep, he hears it again. Knocking. Louder this time. 

_Fuck. Did I call someone while I was asleep?_ He checks his phone because he doesn’t trust himself. He is weak. He is suffering. He is dangerously close to another nervous breakdown and he really only had a few coping mechanisms for those. His fingers run through his hair and tug at the roots because the call log is empty. So are his messages. _So who the fuck-_ The knocking is continuous now. He gets up and stumbles through the mess that is currently his apartment. 

Whoever this is, he obviously didn’t _invite_ them, so he flings the door open with all the rage his sleep-deprived brain can muster, “WHAT?! It’s three in the fucking morning! Who the fuck do you- … Kakarot?”

He is soaked and miserable. “S-sorry.”

Vegeta’s fist relaxes back to his side and suddenly he doesn’t feel so hostile. “Where have you-” _No, I haven’t missed him! Shut up. Shut UP!_ “… What are you doing here?”

“I d-didn’t know where else to go.” His arms wrap around his shivering body and he shrugs with an apologetic smile.

Vegeta looks back at his living room with a sigh. The containers of several days worth of depression eating are still out on the coffee table and those aren’t half as shameful as the stacks of self-help and twelve-step books he left out, or threw at his wall in anger. But he can hear Kakarot’s teeth chattering, _those perfect white teeth in that perfect hot mou-_ He shakes the thought and tries to _be nice._ “Just come in,” he mutters groggily.

He moves from the doorway and gestures for Kakarot to remove his shoes. Vegeta looks at the soaking wet mess in front of him and goes off in search of a solution without trying to look like he is also frantically cleaning in the process. He returns with a towel and a pair of loose sweatpants that _might_ fit.

“Change and I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer.”

“Gee, thanks!” Kakarot says as he takes the towel and begins mopping his hair. “Where’s-”

Vegeta points behind him. “End of the hall on the right.” Kakarot shuffles past him leaving wet footprints in his wake. 

When Kakarot walks back out into the main room, every piece of evidence indicating that Vegeta hasn’t left this apartment in several days, because he doesn’t trust himself, has vanished. Instead of the cluttered remains of his fraying resolve to “self-help” there is now a pillow and a folded blanket on the couch. Kakarot sits next to the pillow and picks it up with the intention of just putting it where he planned to put his head, but catches something that makes him pause. 

“What... are you doing?”

Kakarot’s eyes widen and the deep inhale he’d been taking stops. He slowly moves the pillow away from his face and places it at the end of the couch. “.....Nothin’.”

Vegeta hands him a drink and takes a sip from his own with a raised brow.

“Thanks.” Kakarot’s blush is so prominent now Vegeta almost feels bad for catching him in the act. 

“You looked like you could use one. So tell me,” he says casually, “why are you sitting on my couch smelling my things at three in the morning?”

“Uh, haha, I wasn’t- that’s not what-”

“Kakarot.” He rubs his forehead. “The fuck are you doing here?”

“...Right.” His fingers wrap anxiously around the tumbler. “It’s my fault, really. My wife, she- uh, kicked me out.”

“So I gathered. Why?”

“She thinks… I’m cheatin’ on her.” Vegeta watches Kakarot down the entire drink in one rattled chug. “Which… I’m not! Y’know? I’m a good husband, but-”

“But what? How is that your fault?” He pours Kakarot another and tops off his own.

He slams this drink too before laughing awkwardly, “I haven’t cheated, really!” he reassures. “But… we were arguin’ an’ I told her I wanted to. Cheat.”

Vegeta raises his chin and mouths, ‘Oh,’ before sliding the bottle in Kakarot’s direction so he could pour his own drinks, which he promptly does. “I imagine that went over well. Clearly.” He gestures to Kakarot’s _extremely well-defined muscular- Vegeta, FOCUS_ naked torso. 

“Yeah, so... here I am. Sorry. I didn’t really know where else to go. None of my other friends know… that I, uh- that me ‘n my wife don’t- … it’s complica-”

Vegeta puts his hand up. “Stop. You don’t have to justify yourself. Least of all to me,” he mutters.

Relief washes across Kakarot’s face. “I’m real sorry for imposin’-”

“Kakarot. I said don’t worry about it.”

“Sorry-”

“Shut up.” He snorts. “I don’t want to hear you apologize again. God. Sorry this, sorry that. What is it with you?” He shakes his head and rests the side of his face on his fist as he looks at Kakarot with no animosity. “So fucking annoying.”

The nervous flattered sound Kakarot makes in response is somewhere between clearing his throat, a laugh, and a soft agreement.

Vegeta can’t help but wallow in the irony. He finally had Kakarot right where he wanted him. _Here you are in my house, in my clothes._ Vegeta frowns. _And I’m not going to do anything about it._ An awkward, but not unpleasant silence settles between them. _Am I?_

He sighs and watches Kakarot struggle to figure out if he was supposed to have his hands on the glass or in his lap or on the arm of the couch or adjusting the sweatpants that were just a few sizes too small. _So. Fucking. PERFECT!_ He bites his lip and wonders if this was some impossibly difficult final test. _You really must want me to fail._ And he was tempted, but he couldn’t stand the thought of another humiliating rejection. He doesn’t even understand why Kakarot is here after their last interaction. _Maybe he really is just that committed to my well-being… What a waste of effort._

He sighs and finally breaks the silence so he can stop thinking about the inevitable breakdown of self-control closing in on him. “Why would you tell your wife something like that?”

“Huh?”

“That you wanted to cheat on her. You were practically begging to be thrown out saying something like that. I don’t know much about wives, honestly, but I imagine no one wants to be told they are second best.”

Kakarot scratches the back of his head as his cheeks turn pink. He takes a little more time on this drink as he tries to think of the right thing to say. “‘Cause… I guess… I do. I haven’t, but… if- if I could, if they… felt the same... I uh,” he leans toward Vegeta and shyly admits, “I think I would. Even though… I know I shouldn’t.”

“Tch. Some sponsor you are. Filling my head with bullshit about _recovery_ while you plot your next infidelity. Is that really why you go to those meetings? To pick up new victims to feed your addiction?” He teases with a sly smile. “Have you been lying to me?”

“I-I- No, of course not! It’s not an addiction! It’s-” he waves his hands defensively as his eyes dart away. “This person, they’re- I’ve never- … never felt this way. I’ve never... met anyone like them. … It’s different with them.”

Vegeta’s lip quirks at the strange response. _So there_ is _something wrong with you. And you’re in denial about it._ He chuffs softly to himself. _Doesn’t that sound familiar._ “Who is it? Who could possibly have _you_ considering such a thing?” 

Vegeta could smell the liquor on Kakarot’s shallow breaths, could feel the heat radiating from his body, could see the muscles tighten in his throat as he swallowed. Their faces are hardly inches from each other _._ The heat between them keeps building and _building_ and it is the best thing Vegeta has felt in years. He knows what he wants, _needs,_ Kakarot to say, but the recent memory of rejection lingering in the back of his mind sends a cold sweat down his neck. _I swear to God if you say it’s that bitch counselor, I will kill her. And you. And then myself. Hn… Romantic._

“I, uh-” Kakarot begins with a breathy laugh and a small bashful smile breaks out on his face. Vegeta tilts his head just slightly thinking if they were any closer their lips might touch and if that happens, he won’t be able to stop himself. Kakarot would just have to deal with the consequences of leading him on in the middle of the night. 

“It’s… it’s you.” Their eyes lock and Vegeta can’t look away. He is frozen in hollow disbelief. _Isn’t that what I wanted to hear?_ But he can’t move. _Is this a test?_ His mouth opens for a response, but it never comes because Kakarot suddenly closes the gap between them.

It feels like fireworks. It feels like fire. It feels like a hundred little synapses that have never been used, suddenly going off all at once inside Vegeta’s head and down his spine. He swears he has never felt something like _this._ It is warm and wet and soft and _hard_ and good and _it’s not my fault; he started it-_

When Kakarot pulls away he wipes his bottom lip with the back of his hand and his eyes don’t break from staring at Vegeta’s mouth. “I’m not bein’ a very good sponsor, right now,” he says with a small mischievous smile as he leans back in.

Vegeta pulls back and teases Kakarot by keeping himself just out of reach from his sinful mouth. “Hnn, I could even say… you’re taking advantage of me and my _addiction_.” He chuckles darkly. 

“Mm. But you trust me.” He softly captures Vegeta’s jaw in his palm and holds him still. “Don’t you?”

Vegeta laughs. “Sure.”

Kakarot whispers against his ear. “You know I’d never do that. I just wanna help you get better, Vegeta.”

“I thought you said there is no getting ‘better’.” _Fuck. Sobriety._ Vegeta’s hand quickly finds its way to the back of Kakarot’s neck and he crushes their mouths together. One of Kakarot’s hands weaves through Vegeta’s hair while the other carefully places itself around the small of his back. Kakarot leans back onto the armrest and pulling Vegeta with him in a rough open-mouthed dialogue that was insistent on convincing Vegeta to let his partner experiment with _tongue_ and _Fuck, you want to get ruined, don’t you?_

Kakarot’s hands were suddenly as curious as his mouth, finding every uncovered bit of Vegeta’s body they could. A low pleased growl rumbles out of Vegeta’s chest as they finally settle: one just below his ass and the other on his waist.

“I’ve uh-” Their lips touch with each syllable of Kakarot’s words, “Never done this with a man before. I never even considered it... until I met you.”

“Don’t worry.” He smirks as his hand cups Kakarot’s hardening cock making him gasp. “I have lots of experience.”

“It’s funny-” Kakarot bites his lip as he rocks into Vegeta’s grip. “I knew right away, when I first saw ya.”

Vegeta chuckles as he rubs his hands down Kakarot’s shivering abdomen and peels back the tight band of fabric. “Knew what?”

“That you were gonna be ah-! Different!” He throws his head back as he feels Vegeta’s tongue run up the underside of his cock.

Vegeta’s brows furrow and he snorts. “Different from what?” he asks before descending with an open mouth.

“The others.” Kakarot can see the obvious question in Vegeta’s eyes as they briefly flick up to his own, but his hand is already guiding Vegeta’s head further down until there is no more of him to take. Kakarot shudders and his eyes flutter closed as Vegeta takes the cue to continue their conversation at a later date. “Unh- that feels- ah- amazing-!” His fingers tighten their hold in Vegeta’s hair as his hips involuntarily thrust a little deeper.

Vegeta hums with satisfaction as he feels Kakarot writhing beneath him. He keeps his pace slow and languid, relishing the taste, the little desperate whines, the poor attempts to resist face-fucking him. Both of Vegeta’s hands deepen their grip on Kakarot’s thighs as his own hips slowly grind against the couch to relieve the _need_ to be touched. He suddenly pauses because- _fuck, I’m already so close-_ He panics and sucks down a little harder because he can’t stop his hand from reaching past the waistband of his briefs and teasing the slick of precum running down his shaft and _No! Not yet, not like this-_

He barely resists stroking himself to completion right then and there. He squeezes hard at the tip and pops off Kakarot’s cock with a gasp. He looks up at Kakarot’s heated expression, grabs him by the arm and pulls him off the couch. 

“Woah-” Kakarot barely has time to snag his glass off the coffee table and press it to Vegeta’s mouth. Vegeta drinks it without hesitation. He is sloppy and greedy and doesn’t care that some of it runs down his chin and neck. Neither does Kakarot. He licks up the excess on Vegeta’s skin as he presses him into a wall.

Vegeta wraps one of his legs arounds Kakarot’s waist and the younger man takes the hint to lift the other as he deepens their kiss. He can feel Kakarot’s peculiar nervous hesitation melting away faster by the second as Kakarot feverishly begins to wear down on what was left of Vegeta’s own composure, touch by shuddering touch. 

Everything Kakarot does _feels_ like the desperation of someone who hasn’t been laid in two years, of someone who has been continually denied by their spouse and forced to only find satisfaction from themselves and even that rarely, except- _What the hell did he mean?_ _‘Different from the others?’ what others?_ He supposes it doesn’t matter whether or not Kakarot has been lying about having a problem because, “I’m going to- ah, make you cum harder than the ‘others’ ever could,” Vegeta manages to say in the fleeting seconds Kakarot allows him for air. _You’re never going to be the same after I’m done with you-_

And as he is pulled back to a bruising locking of lips he thinks that everything that has ever come before this moment has been nothing but methadone. He knows now he’s never had the real thing. He’s only ever tasted something good enough to keep him desperately wanting for the promised high that was _always_ just around the bend, and now finally he had it. The _real_ thing. In the palm of his hand, just waiting to be swallowed, snorted, and injected; _used._

He lets out a guttural moan betraying his thoughts as he feels Kakarot’s hard instinctive grinding. Vegeta pushes Kakarot off him and drops to his feet. He snatches Kakarot’s wrist and pulls him to the bedroom before pushing him onto the bed. He crawls over Kakarot and sits up on him, “Hm.”

“What?”

“So eager all of a sudden.” He chuckles. “I thought you were going to require a little more...” He eyes Kakarot’s obvious excitement, “coaxing,” he teases with a sneer as he pushes on Kakarot’s chest and forces him flat on the bed. 

“Is that… bad?” He blushes with a nervous smile. 

“No.”

“It just-” He hesitates. “It feels really good with you. It feels… right. I never thought-” he looks away in embarrassment, “never questioned myself before, but with you I feel like-”

Vegeta clicks his tongue and tries to put off Kakarot’s existential crisis regarding his newly discovered bi-curiosity until _after_ he’d been laid. “Maybe I’m just the exception.” 

“Maybe.” He watches Vegeta draw two of his fingers into his mouth. “Or maybe we jus’... belong together.”

“Mm. Sure, Kakarot. Whatever you say _._ ” He snorts.

Kakarot’s thumb gently strokes Vegeta’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Vegeta scoffs, pulls his fingers out of his mouth, and slurs, “Kakarot. What the fuckk did I say about apologizzingg?” _Wait-_

“I know.” He looks away. “But I really am.”

“For what?” Vegeta frowns and struggles to pull himself up. _When did I get this drunk?_ He rubs his head and realizes he is absolutely wasted. He could barely think all of a sudden. _HOW did I-_

“For leavin’ ya.”

“Leaving me?” he mumbles as he tries to right his brain in the spinning room.

“Yeah, I walked out on ya when ya needed me most ‘cause I got scared. Scared that I felt so-” Kakarot sits up nose to nose with Vegeta. “But don’t worry. I’m not ever gonna do that again. I’m gonna make it up to you.”

“Mm. Yeah.” He presses his mouth sloppily to Kakarot’s. “Make it up to me.” He wishes he wasn’t so drunk, he wanted to enjoy this, he wanted to _remember_ this. He didn’t want this to be like those not-so-distant blurred indiscernible memories. But he had lost control. What he _wanted_ didn’t matter as much as what he _needed_ and so he keeps going even though he was already fighting the urge to black out.

“I will. I will.” Kakarot whispers breathlessly against him.

“Tell me howw,” Vegeta grinds his hips up while he rakes his fingertips down Kakarot’s sides, “you’re gonna make it up to mee. I wanna hear that innocent mouth of yours say somethingg filthy.” he says with his cheek resting against bare Kakarot’s chest.

Vegeta digs his fingers in a little deeper to Kakarot’s ribcage and elicits the most beautiful sound making him wonder if the poor man only just now discovered he likes a little pain. 

“I-I’m gonna take you somewhere safe. Where you can’t hurt yourself anymore. Where you can get better. And I’m never,” Kakarot grabs at Vegeta’s wrists and turns them over so he is on top. Kakarot faces little resistance from his inebriated partner as he whispers against his ear, “-gonna leave you again.”

Vegeta laughs, then pauses and his brows furrow. _Well, that’s kind of a mood killer._ “What?”

“I- I know it seems like a lot. But I think a safe, controlled environment is gonna be good for you. It’s- it’s gonna be jus’ what you need.”

“Controlled environment?” 

“It took a lotta work to get your guard down, Vegeta. To get ya to admit ya had a problem. I know it’s hard, but it’s gonna be worth it.” He leans in with his nose ghosting along Vegeta’s carotid artery, “So worth it. I promise. You’ll see.” He hums.

“What the fuck are you talkingg aboutt?” Vegeta squirms in discomfort and tries to pull his wrists out from Kakarot’s grip, but his coordination fails him and Kakarot never answers him. “Kakarot- Kakarot, stop. Let goo- I don’t-” Fear and adrenaline start to coarse through him as he realizes something is wrong. “Get off me!” He slurs and shoves his knee into Kakarot’s groin.

His grip goes slack and he rolls off of Vegeta, off of the bed and immediately cups the site of injury with a groan. 

Vegeta stumbles as he struggles to get on to his feet. He feels sick, dizzy, like he is walking the fragile edge along the precipice of sleep. He puts his hand on the wall to guide himself, but he still trips over his own feet and falls face-flat on the floor. 

“K-kakaroott- call a hosspital. Sommethiing’s wronng.” He is laying on the floor just outside the bathroom reaching toward the door. 

Kakarot stands over him with an irritated look still massaging himself through his pants. “No… I’d say it’s working just fine.”

His brow furrows. “What’s woorrking?”

Kakarot laughs as if the answer were blatantly obvious. “The drugs I put in your drink! I did it while you were-” he bites his lip, “while we were on the couch.”

Vegeta lets out a confused whine. “What? Whyy would you do thaat? Whyyy would you drug mee? I was gonna... let you fuck me, I’m a botttom… I- I wouldd’ve doone anyy puzishun you wantedd. Should’ve jus’ assked.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s likee you didn’tt even listen to mee when I sshared.” He scoffs and waves his hand in annoyance.

“I did listen.” His brows crinkle. “That’s why I’m doin’ this for you.”

“Doing _what_ for me? Whaat are you talkingg about?” Vegeta’s head rolls in drug-addled confusion. “You’re not doingg me at aall right now!”

“I wanna be with you, Vegeta, I do.” He looks away with a bashful smile. “But I gotta know I can trust you to be alone and right now… I can’t. You relapsed last week.” He frowns down at Vegeta. “I know I- I walked out on ya, an’ that’s my fault, I shouldna-” his brows furrow as he looks away, “but I’m not ever gonna do that again. You can trust me. You know that, right? You can trust me?” He says with a sympathetic half-smile. 

“Relapse? ...Howw didju knoww about that? You weren’t at the meeeting? I never… told you thatt.”

Kakarot’s eyes dart away and he smiles sweetly. “I- I just wanna help ya, Vegeta.”

“Tch. Fuck youu. I don’t need _help,_ I neeed to get fuckedd!”

“Believe me, I want to! ‘Specially after tonight, you were- you’re amazin’. But-” he catches his bottom lip in worry, “I don’t think you’re ready yet. It’s- it’s my fault, I was a bad sponsor. But I’m gonna be better for ya, Vegeta, I promise. We’re gonna get through this _together._ ”

“Tch! It’s not _toggether_ if I’m knoccked the fuckkout, asshole.” He slowly shakes his head against the carpet in annoyance. “Now, I’m not gonna get off! I’m not gonna feeel anythingg.” He lays on the floor with a pout. “… Fuckin’ tease.” He embraces the increasing darkness of mind-numbing paralysis and he wonders if those will be his last words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing about this is or is going to be Safe or Sane, in case you were wondering... 
> 
> "I just wanna help you get better, Vegeeetttaaa" *cue heavy breathing*
> 
> Daw, Goku. What a darling sweetheart.


	8. Stranger Danger

Consciousness finds Vegeta slowly and is accompanied by one of the worst headaches of his life. He can feel warm sunlight streaming in the room and he tries to raise his arm to block it. He pulls and pulls, but his arm won’t budge. There is something around his wrist holding it in place.

He tries to remember what happened last night. He cranes his head a little and shifts because something on his neck is bothering him. There is something wrapped around his face too. And  _...In my fucking mouth?! _ He clenches his jaw experimentally a few times.  _ What the f- _

He opens his eyes and almost jumps out of his skin when he sees a dark pair of irises staring back at him. He sucks in a short breath through his nose and backs up into the headboard. The sight is one of the most unsettling things he has ever woken up to, and he’s woken up mid-fuck more than a few times. He, of course, doesn’t count those times in his official numbers, not even when he did cum, but especially when he didn’t.

“G’mornin’,” Kakarot says softly.

A noise of fear exits Vegeta’s chest as Kakarot sits up with a smile and leans in almost nose to nose. Vegeta’s wrists now chafe painfully against the cords wrapped around them as he pulls a little more urgently. A sweat breaks out across his bare chest as he twists and turns and realizes he is not going anywhere.

“How’re ya feelin’? I know that stuff can be kinda nasty.” Kakarot sticks his tongue out. “But I don’t think I coulda gotten you here otherwise. Yer kinda stubborn even though I feel like ya made a lotta progress.” He stares at Vegeta eagerly waiting for a response and Vegeta’s brows furrow in concern at Kakarot’s inability to immediately understand why the room remains silent.

“Oh. Sorry! Sorry, I forgot.” He laughs. “Don’t scream. Ok? Are ya gonna scream?” Vegeta shakes his head aggressively and muffles out a weak reassurance. Kakarot carefully peels off the sticky piece of tape barely clinging to his sweat-soaked skin. Vegeta immediately spits out the small cloth it had been holding in his mouth.  Vegeta looks around unsure how he feels about waking up in an unfamiliar bedroom, tied to the bed.

“Where- where am I? Where did you take me? Kakarot, what- what is this?” He leans away from the unnervingly calm, smiling face in front of him. “The hell is going on?”

“I told ya! It’s somewhere safe. I thought… it might be good for ya to get away from the city for a while and so-”

“So you- you what? Took me to your- what the fuck is this place?” He shifts away from the soft down pillows around him.  _ It doesn’t feel like we… had sex… I’m not… injured… good signs…  _ His eyes search the bare tan walls.  _ The place isn’t… filthy; definitely spent the night in worse.  _ They flick briefly to the large window with soft sheer curtains obscuring most of the unfamiliar rural landscape beyond them. 

There are two doors, both closed; which one is the exit though, he isn’t sure. There is a closet too, open, with a messy pile of scattered clothes, half in a hamper, half on the floor, and a few lucky shirts clinging desperately to their hangers. “Awfully homey for a torture dungeon,” he mutters quietly as his eyes continue their wary search and he continues to pull at the restraints.

“Oh no! It’s nothin’ like that. U-unless you want it to be.” Kakarot sits back on his feet with a look of uncertainty. “But I didn’t think you were a masuh-chist. ...Are ya?”

“Maso- _ kist _ . And no, not particularly, Kakarot. But I am tied to a bed in nothing but my underwear, so  _ please, _ forgive me for assuming the worst,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kakarot stares at him with a smile and an unsure look in his eyes as he spends several seconds clearly trying to decide how Vegeta actually felt about the situation. He laughs, loudly, and leans very close to Vegeta’s face.

“You’re so funny, Vegeta. You’re not like anyone else I’ve done this with. They usually just start strugglin’ and screamin’...” He sits on top of Vegeta and makes the restrained man suddenly very aware of how much control he had right now.  _ None.  _ “But you? You’re different. That’s why I think this is gonna work this time.” He brandishes a knife.

Vegeta swallows and sinks back against the wooden headboard. “...What’s going to work this time?”

Kakarot tilts his head sympathetically as he looks down at Vegeta. “You know I jus’ wanna help ya right? … Are you scared? Don’t be scared, Vegeta. I’m not gonna hurt ya.” He slices right through one of the restraints. “See? See? I’d never hurt you. I just- I didn’t know how you were gonna react when ya woke, and I didn’t want ya to try ‘n hurt yerself.”

“How… thoughtful…” he says uneasily as he watches Kakarot stick the knife straight through the other cord and into the headboard. Kakarot lets go and it stays stuck in the wood. Vegeta removes the cords from his wrists and rubs the chafing marks. Vegeta’s hands immediately begin checking his body for injury, for bruising, for using, for anything, but he feels oddly…  _ Okay… _

Until Kakarot is suddenly on top of him nuzzling into his neck, mumbling quietly about how good last night was and how much he can’t wait to do that again. That does not feel _ okay. _

“And what… what exactly did we do last night?” Vegeta says as he carefully tries to reach toward the knife stuck in the headboard without drawing Kakarot’s attention.

Kakarot smiles and blushes and bites his lip before dipping his head behind Vegeta’s head and kissing him chastely on the mouth. “You don’t remember?” he whispers against him. “We were on your couch for a little.” He punctuates his sentence with another kiss. “And then you pulled me to the bedroom and- and it was nice, but you were rushin’. I could tell, you weren’t really thinkin’ about  _ us.  _ You were jus’ thinkin’ about  _ it. _ So-” And again, but this time with an open mouth. “So I brought ya here. Where we can take it slower. Until you’re really ready. No distractions _. _ ” 

Kakarot’s mouth is warm and soft and curious and Vegeta’s fingertips can almost touch the handle of the knife. Vegeta’s brows furrow as he finds himself drawn in by Kakarot’s unusual, unpracticed, but not unpleasant motions.  _ No, do it like this- _ He pushes back with his tongue and his hand drops a little so he can teach Kakarot a little something because it felt so _ \- what the fuck am I thinking?! What the fuck am I DOING?! He is CRAZY! I am in DANGER! _

_   
_ _   
_ He inhales sharply through his nose and opens his eyes. His gaze quickly flicks toward the knife and he stretches a little further while still trying to keep Kakarot’s attentions focused on his mouth, because that seemed to be working very well as a distraction and - __ almost there-

He can feel it, but just can’t get his hand around it because he keeps sinking back into the heat of that sinfully naive mouth even though it was the reason why he was reaching for this knife in the first place.  _ Self-defense shouldn’t be this difficult.  _ His eyes start to close again and he’s not sure he can do it, save his own life. 

His fingertips begin to slip as he wonders what kind of  _ oh-so-terrible _ addictive behaviors Kakarot is going to  _ oh-so-force _ him to endure because it has been  _ oh-so-long  _ and he wants it  _ oh-so-bad. _ He shivers as he feels Kakarot’s mouth against his neck, whispering something about how he knew the moment he first saw Vegeta, he knew he was  _ the one. _

Those few simple words implying  _ commitment _ and  _ emotional connection  _ are enough to sober Vegeta out of his downward spiral and he shifts so he can finally grasp the handle. Like lightning, the blade is at Kakarot’s throat.

Kakarot pulls back in shock and pants above him with a look of betrayal on his face. Then he frowns and looks away in embarrassment. “I thought… I thought you wanted-” Vegeta directs him further away with the knife. “I’m sorry. Did I do somethin’? What did I do wrong? Are you alright? You gotta communicate to me, Vegeta, if you don’t want me to-” He threads his fingers through his hair. “Was that too much for ya? Do you wanna go back to total sobriety? Is that gonna be easier for you right now? We can slow down if- if yer not ready. You did so well with everything else, I jus’ thought that maybe- Please don’t hurt yourself, I- I-” 

“Are you seriously asking me what’s wrong?!” Vegeta quickly gets off the bed and bumps into a dresser as he backs away from Kakarot. “You fucking drugged me! You tied me up! You-”

“W- wait. Where’re ya goin’?” Kakarot moves to approach him, but Vegeta raises the knife warningly and Kakarot stops with nothing but concern written all over his face.

“Stay- stay the fuck away from me! Where am I? Your house? What the fuck-” He feels along the wall and moves toward a door. “The fuck! You actually kidnapped me?! And- and then what?!” He looks down at himself. He still has the same briefs from last night. 

“And then nothin’! I promise! I jus’ let ya sleep it off. I think ya really needed it. Didn’t look like you’d had a lot of sleep when I saw ya last night.” Vegeta eyes him suspiciously and Kakarot’s gaze never leaves him. “Y’know, yer a real fitful sleeper usually, but that stuff really knocked ya out good.” He laughs awkwardly. “I think you needed it. Sleep is an important part of recov-”

“...Usually? … And how the fuck would you know how I  _ usually _ sleep?”

Kakarot’s eyes widen as he realizes his slip and he stammers for a recovery.

“Have you-.... Have you been stalking me?!” Kakarot’s face drops as Vegeta hand desperately begins seeking the doorknob. 

“N-no, of course not. I wasn’t  _ stalkin’  _ ya. I jus’-”

“You weren’t?” he questions doubtfully. The knob doesn’t turn  _ of course _ and a sweat breaks out on his forehead as things begin to finally click into place. “Then how did you know where I lived? Because now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think I ever told you what neighborhood I lived in, let alone what apartment number.”

“I- I might’ve-” he admits shyly as his cheeks rouge and his eyes flick away, “ _ followed _ you a little, but I didn’t st-” 

“And then you watched me while I fucking  _ slept?!  _ You psychotic- That’s  _ definitely  _ stalking!”

“No, it isn’t! It’s- … ” He smiles then rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Ok, maybe a little. But- but I only did it ‘cause I like you. Vegeta, I really like you. … So much. I- I jus’ wanna help ya. And- and it was so hard to do that when you would hardly even talk to me. You didn’t even tell me yer name when we first met.” He pouts. “And then when ya did start talkin’, you were always lyin’. So what was I s’posed to do?”

Vegeta’s mouth opens in shock that  _ stalking _ is Kakarot’s idea of an appropriate response to his unapproachable deceptive tendencies.

Kakarot meets Vegeta’s hard stare with sincerity. “I wasn’t doin’ anything bad. I promise. I was jus’ tryna be a good sponsor, an’ keep an eye on ya, and then…. I jus’ wanted to know more about ya. It’s real hard to get you to talk about things. Though, I’m glad you started talkin’ more at the bar. That was nice. But I’d hate to have ta get ya drunk jus’ ta have a regular honest conversation.” He grins and his expression softens as he watches Vegeta still struggle to place his thoughts. “... Y’know, yer real funny when you think no one’s around. … Cute, even,” he admits a little shyly. “I like it. I like you.”

Vegeta’s stomach sinks as he edges toward the other door and it occurs to him he probably doesn't even know this man's real name. “Why are you really at those meetings?”

“W-what?”

“Why are you really at those meetings?! You- you have an actual problem don’t you? What are you? A- a psycho-stalker or something?”

Kakarot rolls his eyes. “I’m not a psycho, Vegeta. That’s a really mean thing to say after I’ve tried to do so much good stuff for ya. I think you’re protec- no, what’d she call it?” His brows furrow and he thinks for a moment before his face lights up with the correct word. “Pro- _ jectin’! _ … Is that what you think about yerself?... I don’t think you’re crazy.” 

He mutters almost soundlessly to himself, "What the f-"  _ Leave it to me to seduce an insane IDIOT! How the fuck did I get myself into this?!  _ “You didn’t answer my question.” His eyes narrow with accusation.

Kakarot taps his fingertips together anxiously. “It’s not… It’s not like that this time. Really. I’m not- I’m not gonna hurt ya.”

The knob on the other door turns and he breathes a sigh of relief as he turns around, enters and slams it closed behind him.

“Vegeta?”

He tries to lock it, but the lock mechanism is missing. He looks around at the bathroom. It doesn’t have a shower curtain or a mirror. But it does have a window. He quickly steps up onto the radiator to open it.

“Vegeta? Are- are you ok?” There is a soft knocking before the door creaks open. Vegeta is already halfway out the window. “I don’t want you to hurt your- Wait!” Kakarot’s eyes widen. “Wait, wait! Don’t-” He lunges forward and reaches for Vegeta’s ankle, but Vegeta kicks his foot back and feels his heel collide with something soft and apparently breakable. He hears Kakarot cry out and feels his grip disappear from around his ankle. 

Vegeta quickly shimmies out and drops down to the ground with a hard thud. 

He bolts despite muffled nasally protests coming from the window. “Vegeta, wait, stop! Don’t run away, you’re gonna get-”

He’s barefoot, but he doesn’t have a choice. He runs and he runs as fast as he can. He follows a long winding gravel driveway because driveways always lead to roads,  _ right?! _ He sure fucking hopes so. 

He knows he must look insane. Barefoot, nearly naked, with a-  _ what is this?!  _ his fingers tug at the itchy-  _ collar?! _ around his neck. Panicked hands suddenly begin pulling at it, trying to see if there’s a way to rip it off. His fingers finally find a little metal fastening, but it doesn’t budge.  _ Is it welded together?!  _ He slows and begins carefully cutting at it with the knife, but the blade is dull and there is metal or wiring embedded in the collar the knife can't cut through. He gives up and hopes to whatever Gods are out there laughing at his miserable life, that someone would still stop for him. 

He breathes a sigh of relief when after several minutes of breathless sprinting the path intersects with a dirt road. He looks left and right, but can’t figure out which way leads to civilization. He doesn’t recognize the area, and he’s not sure if he’s ever been somewhere so rural. He sees nothing but trees and fields and beyond those, mountains. He can't even see any other houses. He looks back and doesn’t see Kakarot, but he knows it won’t be long before he does if he doesn’t keep moving.

His foot crosses from the gravel to the smooth dirt road and he stops. His hand involuntarily drops the knife. His brows furrow as his body suddenly locks up.

He chokes and lets out a sharp yell as agonizing shocks shoot all over his body stemming from his neck. The last thing he thinks as he writhes on the ground, just before he blacks out, is _What the fuck did I just fuck myself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, Vegeta! Blacking out twice in a row? Don't you know that's bad for you? smh.


	9. A Different Perspective: New Face

**Lets pause for a moment. I want us all to take a moment to retrace our steps from a** _**different perspective.** _ **Starting again** **from the beginning...**

Who am I? 

Why am I here?

How has addiction hurt me and the other people in my life?

When will my healing begin?

What does sobriety mean to _me?_

These are the questions the blue haired counselor tells the members of her group to ask themselves when they begin the steps toward recovery. But all Goku asks himself as he watches a new face walk through the door is… who are _you_ ? And why are _you_ here?

He wants to know because he wants to _help._

Goku can no longer feign interest in the counselor’s words as she introduces the topic for tonight, _recognizing our triggers_. His attentions are completely and totally consumed by the New Face and his eyes follow him to his chair. He has never noticed a _man_ before, but the New Face made himself impossible not to notice. It’s not Goku’s fault he’s staring.

This group doesn’t often get new faces, so it is also completely natural that Goku is on the edge of his seat waiting for him to share, natural to be so disappointed when he refuses, natural that he just wants to know what’s _wrong,_ so he can _help._ Because even though the new face is making it painfully obvious that he is not here for help by sizing up all of the men in the room, it is even more obvious that he needs it. Badly.

There is just something about the confident self-assured way he walks, the prideful tilt to his head, the way he looks down on everyone in the room, the way he wears his addiction on his sleeves as if it is a badge of honor instead of a piercingly loud cry for help. Yes, New Face _wants_ his help. And lucky for him, Goku is so good at helping people!

Except for the little hiccup with his previous “sponsor.” And then there was also that incident at the other group he used to go to. And the one before that. And the one before that… Even his wife. Oh yes, that had gone _very_ wrong. His hands ball the fabric of his pants as the memories flick across his mind, as he tries to purge the thoughts, as he tries to think about good things. Happy things. Healthy things. 

His jaw clenches and unclenches. Some people just don’t _want_ help, he finally manages to reassure himself. They don’t _want_ to be happy. It isn’t him. It’s _them._ But there is no denying that the slow steady rate of permanent absences in local self-help groups is his fault, and sometimes he _likes_ those little _hiccups._

New Face won’t be like that though. The New Face is _different._ Goku can just tell and he sighs silently to himself as he studies the little smirk on the New Face. 

Goku’s cheeks redden when he realizes he has been caught staring. His eyes snap away, but almost as quickly find their way back only to find that New Face has already moved on. Goku follows his gaze to another member, to someone who could never ever possibly help him, to someone who could only further enable him. And Goku realizes New Face may be struggling even more than he thought.

He has to act quickly because if New Face gets near the prey he has set his eyes on, then Goku won’t have a chance of speaking with him tonight, maybe ever. As soon as the meeting is over Goku throws himself toward the New Face like a rescue line. He reaches out and grabs the New Face’s arm just as he is about to pass him by. Goku knows the gesture won’t be taken kindly, but he has to take the risk. 

“Hey. You’re new here, aren’t ya?”

Goku bites back a soft laugh at the scrunched-up angry features greeting him, telling him everything he needs to know without ever asking, that New Face is not going to accept help easily, that he is going to be a challenge. But Goku has never been afraid of a challenge, so he prods anyway.

“I noticed you, uh- you didn’t share,” he says, trying to make casual conversation.

New Face certainly is lively, Goku thinks to himself during their exchange. His responses are rude, sharp, and full of profanity. Goku tries to show that he is unfazed by his attitude, that he is _determined_ to support him. He tries to give New Face something to think about by asking him why he’s here, but based on his lack of response, New Face clearly isn’t ready for those kinds of questions yet. After a few more failed attempts to be friendly, Goku cuts his losses before he can damage his chances of reaching him any further, and walks away.

If Goku has learned anything from his past failures, it is that you can’t push too hard right off the bat. New Face is an addict, and he is in denial. It will take time before he is responsive to the help he needs. It will take time before he opens up. Especially, as he made explicitly clear, since he is not the talking type. Goku huffs to himself as he decides New Face is going to require a little _extra attention._ He quickly ducks into an alleyway by the entrance of the building and waits for him to walk by.

Goku feels a little funny, following a man. This definitely is different from the other times he's done this. But what else is he supposed to do? New Face didn’t even give Goku his name! Not even a fake one! He needs to know more if they are going to make any headway. Goku smiles to himself though, because at least New Face makes it easy!

He is so wrapped up in finding a fix that he walks with his head down, too invested in staring at the dim backlight of his phone as his thumb flips through profiles to notice the shadows moving around him. Goku finds himself almost wanting to be caught as he walks sometimes barely a meter behind him. He bites his lip and resists the temptation to reach out and startle him. 

After a few blocks they turn a corner and Goku quickly learns that New Face lives in a nice building in a bad part of town. He also learns the building does not have much security. None, in fact. And as a result he is finally able to learn New Face’s name. 

Goku’s brow raises as he lets the unfamiliar syllables quietly roll off his tongue. “...Vegeta?” He abandons the rest of the recycled mail he’d been shuffling through and looks more closely at the one with the address for the fourth floor corner apartment he watched ‘Vegeta’ walk into. He looks up and watches the bedroom light flick on. “Vegeta,” he says again slowly.

Goku _likes_ that name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the previous "update." I was actually just splitting up an old chapter because as you can see, were going to be doing something different here for a little bit 😅😅 and i had to split it for... reasons. It was stressing me as a writer. No other edits were made.
> 
> Short chapter here 'cause well, not much really goes on in gokus adorable little head. Just a little denial, a little repression, a little obsessive psychosis.. hes a sweet simple boi.


	10. A Different Perspective: Chance Encounter

All Goku can think about is the next meeting. He just wants everything to be perfect. He wants Vegeta to get a good start. So of course Seventeen needs to _go._ He is a _distraction_ that will not benefit Vegeta. It isn’t hard. It doesn’t take long. Seventeen is practically dead already when Goku finds him. Narcotics always hit differently when you’ve been clean for a little while. Goku doesn’t even need to do anything about the body. In fact it was better that he didn’t. It is better to make it apparent that Seventeen was lying about being sober, just like his sister. 

With that out of the way there is nothing else that can inhibit Vegeta’s healing, except… Vegeta. Goku waited eagerly the whole meeting, waited for Vegeta to walk in, but he never did. Goku sighs with disappointment when a little quick detective work reveals not only was that because Vegeta isn't sober, but because he isn’t even trying to be. It is suddenly not surprising that Vegeta didn’t show up.

Vegeta’s concerning behavior gives Goku the distinct impression that Vegeta feels recovery will only be worthwhile if he and everyone else around him has to suffer for it. Maybe because Vegeta feels he can’t be helped, or he doesn’t deserve help… Whatever the reason, Vegeta is stubborn to a fault, he thinks. But Goku isn’t going to give up that easy! And he isn’t going to let Vegeta give up either.

He just needs to find a way to approach Vegeta so he can talk him back into attending. Unfortunately, Vegeta does not give many openings. Part of that is because Vegeta keeps to a tightly regimented schedule that does not leave room for small talk or serendipitous run-ins with friendly strangers. And the other part is that even when it did, Vegeta always quickly finds something else to _do._ Goku is more than a little put off when he discovers not only can Vegeta not go _anywhere_ without at least _trying_ to leave with someone, but he is almost always successful. If he isn’t at work, the gym, or eating, then he is in someone else’s bed. Even when he is at work he usually still finds a way to-

  
  


Goku is standing on a dumpster behind the building peering through a dirty window, despite knowing exactly what is about to happen. He watches as Vegeta invites a man back to an only slightly more private location in the small shop. He watches as Vegeta knocks everything off a table and shoves the other man against it. He watches as Vegeta undoes both their belts, but doesn’t bother pulling the other’s pants all the way down before sinking to his knees. Vegeta makes it look so effortless and so pleasurable, like there is nothing better on Earth than letting Vegeta go down on you. And as a result Goku can't tear his eyes from the sight.

He can tell Vegeta takes a lot of pride in pleasing his partners. Vegeta wants them to want what he wants as badly as he wants it, and they always do. But as Vegeta finally mounts his prey and presses himself down Goku watches the initial moment of ecstasy on Vegeta’s face give way to the hollow endorphine-fueled need for a mind-numbing completion to this temporary connection, and suddenly it is abundantly clear. This isn’t what he wants.

Vegeta has no intention of ever using this man again.  People are  _ disposable _ to Vegeta. He believes they always have been. He thinks they always will be. He thinks those short moments of is all anyone’s worth and he uses every encounter he has to prove that to himself. He is wrong. That’s okay, Goku thinks, he can find a way to show Vegeta why he is wrong.

Goku looks down and with surprised wide eyes realizes he is starting to get hard. His first instinctual reaction is to try and push the feeling away. But he can’t suppress the warm flush of _curiosity_ now stirring around inside. Heat creeps up his neck as he palms the unexpected reaction to try and stop it from growing any further. Instead, he finds that he is painfully sensitive and his eyes flutter closed as a soft sound of shocked relief escapes him. He looks back up at Vegeta, mouth ajar, flustered and a little confused because Goku does not like men _._ Or at least… he’d never liked them before. Then again… Vegeta is… _different._

He doesn’t even realize his hand is pressing a little more urgently against the tightening crotch of his pants as he continues to watch Vegeta’s motions, his expression, the sweat running down his back. Yes, this reaction is Vegeta’s fault. For looking so good. For moving so well. Not his, for denying himself for _two years, four months and sixteen days-_

Goku is so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice the person walking down the alley. “Hey!”

Goku freezes and the bright red tint to his face makes it obvious he is doing something he shouldn’t be.

“Who the fuck are you, an’ what’re you doin’ behind my shop?”

The man is huge, bald, and Goku recognizes him as Vegeta’s boss, Nappa. Goku is not sure if they are related, but he is the only man Vegeta does not try to have sex with, and the arguments they are always having seem too personal to happen between anyone other than family. He stammers for an innocent response.

“You casin’ my place? I’ll have you fuckin’ know-” he says strutting right up to Goku, “That my shop don’t call the cops. I got a shotgun behind the counter, and I ain’t afraid to use it. Now get outta here before I go inside and get it. And don’t ever let me catch you ‘round here again,” he threatens.

Goku goes from shaking his head to violently nodding his head and he slinks past the towering giant and bolts around the corner to find another alley to cool off in.

He paces back and forth, rubbing his palms anxiously across the back of his neck thinking this _is_ different from the other times he's tried to help someone. Very different. He can feel it in his bones and in... _other_ parts of him, he thinks with a blush. The last time he had been that hard suddenly catapults from the deep recesses of his memories to the forefront of his mind and he can't help suddenly wondering if maybe his wife was right.

Goku shakes his head. No. This isn't going to be like that. His wife was never right. Ever. And he is not going to let the echoes of her constant derision circle around his head and trick him into forgetting what months of healing and group sessions helped him finally accept; he isn't an addict, what happened wasn't his fault. It was-

“... Did he just walk by me?” Goku pokes his head around the corner where sure enough Vegeta is walking halfway down the street.

Goku smiles as he watches him walk into a corner store and after a short moment of debate trails in behind him a few moments later. He needs to pick up a few things anyway.

  
  


***

  
  


He bites his lip as he stands on the other side of the shelves. Getting Vegeta to notice him is almost impossible. Goku has already walked by his aisle twice with no response because Vegeta is absorbed in his phone, absorbed into those _apps,_ which need to _go_ if he ever wants to make any progress.

But he isn’t ready to give up yet. Vegeta will recognize him. Vegeta _has_ to recognize him. It won’t work unless Vegeta remembers who he is, remembers where they met, remembers where he should be tonight at seven o’ clock sharp. Vegeta needs to initiate his own healing and Goku has decided he will walk by as many times as necessary to make that happen.

Goku hears him curse and drop his phone. He takes a breath before rounding the corner, and this time walks right past Vegeta. 

“Kakarot?”

He smiles in relief at hearing his name before turning around. “Oh hiya, V- Vej-Vi-? Ver-? Uh-” he stutters and pauses, trying to brush off the mistake of almost letting his name slip. He hopes Vegeta doesn’t remember he never told him.

He doesn’t.

But the conversation is still an abysmal failure. It hurts more than he expected to slowly be forced to come to the realization that Vegeta just doesn’t want to talk. Doesn’t want help. Vegeta is beyond stubborn, he is IMPOSSIBLE. Goku is almost set to give up when he suddenly sees something… _click ..._ behind Vegeta’s eyes. Goku’s not sure what it is, but he likes it. Likes that Vegeta acknowledged something about him. 

It is only once Vegeta says something that isn’t insulting that Goku realizes what it is. Vegeta’s tone, his posture, his entire demeanor changes because... Vegeta wants to take him home!

Goku doesn’t know how to respond to that. He feels… threatened, and flattered, and wanted and powerful all at the same time. He wonders if Vegeta is testing him. Goku tilts his head with mild curiosity. No. That look in Vegeta’s eye is too desperate. 

It wasn’t quite the reaction he was hoping for. It is more of a red flag indicating the severity of Vegeta’s addiction to anonymous sex than a willing step toward recovery, but it’s something and at least he knows Vegeta is going to come to meetings now. Not because Vegeta has just verbally agreed to it, but because Vegeta thinks he has found his next fix. 

  
Goku could work with that. He could _definitely_ work with that.


	11. A Different Perspective: Sponsor Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Chi-Chi bashing**

“Is _that_ what your problem is?” Vegeta can’t hold back a devious grin anymore and it spreads his ill intention across his face. “Chronic mas-”

“No, no! I don’t have a problem! It’s- it’s her, my wife, she’s the…” Goku lowers his voice and looks back to make sure the counselor isn’t nearby, “...problem.” He sighs.

He isn’t lying to Vegeta. He isn’t! He really isn’t an addict, even though his wife had him convinced he was for some time. He knows better now. He wishes he had known then what he knows now. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

He wanted to love her, his wife. He did. He wanted to please her too, he really did. But she was controlling and cruel and had so many destructive compulsions that damaged their relationship. She made it so hard to love her and impossible to please her, despite how much he tried. And he did _try._

At first their disagreements were small, like her refusing _anything_ that wasn’t missionary with the lights off. Ok. He was a little put off by that, but it wasn’t a _problem_ . Then came the withholding. She began using sex as a “reward.” Something he only got if he completed increasingly impossible household tasks in increasingly impossible time limits. By the time they did commit _the deed_ he was usually so pent up, so frustrated, he couldn’t last long and it ended up disappointing them both. Finally, came the criticisms, the insults, the _hurry up_ s, the _stop, just stop_ s, the _uhg, can't you do anything right?_ s. Once those started happening, it didn’t take long for the part of him that he thought marriage would excite and satisfy, to die. He couldn’t take it. Sex with her became so miserable that he preferred they just didn’t! At all!  
  
So of course he began to sometimes take satisfaction from himself. He didn’t _need_ to. It wasn’t a lack of self control. It wasn’t even like he did it that often, maybe once a month if he was lucky. It was just nice to occasionally feel the relief of climax without being berated immediately after. Or during. He could lean against the cool tiles with an empty mind while the warm water ran down his painfully hard shaft and let everything feel _good_ after a long day.

When he was especially mad or frustrated, it was more than an escape. It became an act of defiance. A secret way of getting what he wanted without having to brave his shrieking shrew of a wife. But after a few embarrassing walk-ins resulting in scolding and humiliation, defiance quickly melted into guilt, shame, and insecurity.

The arguments, which had been so few and far between in the beginning days of their marriage were, within a few months, almost daily. They were never about sex, but they were always _about_ sex. Eventually accusations were thrown, his “addiction” was “confronted” and marriage counseling became the next grueling step of their relationship.

He went to make her happy. He agreed with everything the counselor said to make her happy. He went to group therapy. To make her happy. He admitted he was a sex addict. To make her happy. And despite how humiliating it was, he even admitted he had a problem with masturbation. To. Make. Her. Happy. For a while he even believed her; normal people didn’t want sex, didn’t enjoy it. And that made her... happy.

He wasn’t happy. But at least his wife was, and he liked group therapy. He listened mostly. He was too shy and insecure to talk much, or even introduce himself at first. But soon, those sixty-minute weekly sessions became a safe haven away from her. From everything. He could ask questions freely without fear of reprimand. Everyone was so open and friendly regardless of their inner demons, and as a result he learned so much! He was endlessly fascinated by the things people could apparently subject their bodies to, and not only survive, but enjoy! He had no idea the world of sex was so vast and full of color. 

Eventually though, after enough traumatic confessions, enough raised brows from fellow addicts, and enough times being pulled aside afterwards by a concerned counselor and occasionally even other members, his eyes were opened to the many shapes not just addictive, but also abusive behaviors could take. 

It took months of meetings to finally convince him that even though Chi-Chi never actually managed (he was too quick), her attempts to hit him with a hot cast iron pan were _not_ ok and they were _not_ his fault. It was also _not_ okay that sometimes their arguments made him feel so bad about himself he was sick to his stomach. And no, it really was _not_ ‘just like camping’ when he was forced to sleep outside because she purposefully locked him out of the house.

Learning this gave him a lot to think about.

And while he was beginning to feel more comfortable now, sharing and opening up about how his “addiction” was tearing his relationship apart during group therapy, he became increasingly quiet during marriage counseling. It was just hard to want to talk to his wife about what he felt wasn’t working when she called him names and laughed at him for mispronouncing or misusing words. It was hard when the counselor continued to take her side and insist that he stop denying his sexaholism. 

It wasn’t until he walked in on her with someone else that he realized finally _why,_ despite everything he did for her, their marriage kept getting worse. If only it hadn’t taken him so long to see the signs. Maybe he could have helped her.

It was an accident. 

His wife was hysterical, shouting and yelling. She was always _shouting._ Always _yelling._ But this was different. It really wasn’t his fault this time. He _knew_ it wasn’t. How could it be his fault when he walked in on _her_ with someone else? Regardless, the one-sided argument started as soon as he opened the front door and saw them in the kitchen, on the kitchen table. There was nothing he could do to stop it. It happened so fast. Her, asking him why he was home so early. Her, blaming him as she was still straightening out her dress. Her, reaching for that darned cast iron pan when he yelled back. 

He shot his hand out in pure self-defense to block, but hit something soft instead. He remembers it so clearly, the shock on her face, the slight kink in her broken nose, the pained, stupefied look in her eyes as she watched _her_ blood drip onto the floor this time. The first hit was an accident, but the next thirty-five, he can admit, probably were not. But they felt _so_ good. He had been _so_ pent up. And Chi-Chi sure was a lot more quiet after that. 

It was a little embarrassing though. The only reason he even stopped hitting her was because he suddenly realized he was in the middle of the hardest orgasm he’d ever felt in his life. He doesn’t _think_ he touched himself because his hands were too busy making the discovery that she looked quite pretty in red, but he’d also never been _that_ sensitive. Maybe it was just a result from finally being freed from the icy iron grip she used to hurt and control and manipulate him. He was finally _finally_ freed from _her_ and all of his pent up sexual frustration freed along with him.

He didn’t want to do that to her, but she made him. She gave him no choice. Denial, anger, projection, addiction, abuse. She had been suffering. He knows that now. And although he was devastated he didn’t see the signs sooner, that he couldn’t have helped her sooner, it was a relief to know she wasn’t suffering anymore. Sometimes ending the pain was the only thing you could do for someone.

Although what he did to the counselor, that was personal. The charlatan had bolted as soon as their argument started. Goku walked out as soon as it was finished. He was in a state of adrenaline-fueled bliss. It hardly registered when his hand casually tugged the axe out of the tree stump he chopped wood on. It didn’t matter that the other man had a ten-minute head start. No one knew this land like Goku.

“Kakarot, how long have you really been… ‘sober’?”

“What?” Goku’s eyes widen in surprise.

“The counselor said six months, but that’s just since you've been here. I mean, how long has it been since you’ve actually been with your wife? Or- anyone for that matter.”

“I’ve never been with anyone other than my wife!” he quickly reassures. And the last time was... “Two years, four months and sixteen days...” He hasn’t gotten off since that night. That is true.

He doesn’t know why he bothered counting such a thing. After the disaster that was his marriage he supposes it is worth it to wait for someone special, so maybe that’s what he is counting. The days until he meets someone special. Someone who can give him what he wants. He doesn’t have any unusual kinks or fetishes to satiate. He just wants someone who loves him. Who wants to _be_ with him. Who needs him. He likes being needed. That is probably what makes him like doing this so much. Helping people. 

He’s been at _this_ group for only six months. That is also true.

He kept going to groups after what happened. Different groups. It didn’t feel right to keep going to the same one after that. He needed a new community. One that didn’t know him quite as well. One that maybe the police didn’t question everyone at. One where the counselor didn’t pull him aside to ask him how he’s been doing since his wife went missing.

So he found a new one. A few new ones. He kept the same introduction he’d used the first time, just with a new name because it would’ve felt funny showing up and saying, “I’m not an addict, I just get comfort from being here.” He learned that by trial and error. Most places didn’t welcome that sentiment so readily. But he couldn’t help it. It just felt good to be a part of something after losing his wife to her addiction. He needed something stable, something steady, something he could count on each week to keep him grounded. And this is what he knows best.

So, the funny thing is, he _isn’t_ actually lying to Vegeta. 

  
  


“Jesus, Kakarot.” Vegeta mutters, “save some healing for the rest of us.”

“Bulma, that’s the counselor, she says I’m successful ‘cause I haven’t- haven’t 'fallen off the wagon' once since I started. But I don’t think it should count ‘cause... I wasn’t really on it to begin with. An’ I lost my sponsor too, so-”

Ok. Maybe he is lying _a little._ Because sobriety to Goku meant no _self-indulgence._ And he had. Hadn’t he? Earlier today. When he saw Vegeta. He had felt _so_ -

“Sponsor?” 

"Oh- I uh, yeah I had a sponsor for a while, but she stopped showin' up a while ago. An’ I kinda think she-"

So, that was also something. Eighteen. She used sponsorship as a way to break from sobriety. So had his sponsor before her. And the one before that. If Goku had known, he never would have agreed. He had trouble saying no, but he would have found a way to say it nicely. If he had known Eighteen was going to use him as an excuse to not show up, or the one before her, use him as a way to lure other victims, or worse, the one before that, use him a means to satiate her desire to control people, he never would have agreed.

He’s pretty sure despite being his sponsor, none of them ever had any intention of helping him. He wanted to help them, but they refused to change, just like his wife. They got worse, no matter how he confronted them, no matter how much he studied addiction, how much he paid attention to them, how many mindfulness techniques he tried to master and bring to them. So he just… did for them what he did for his wife. He ended their pain. Because sometimes… that’s all you could do for someone.

So he was lying for a good reason! He is just nervous Vegeta won’t understand. He doesn’t want to scare Vegeta. He doesn’t think Vegeta is like Eighteen. But he still doesn’t know Vegeta well. In fact, Vegeta caught him by surprise.

“I- me!? A spon-”

“Yes. You… have been in this program a while and are sober, relatively speaking, aren’t you?”

“I-” He rubs the back of his head and neck.

“Aren’t you? Or- were you lying?”

“No, no I wasn’t lyin’. Yeah, I guess… I’m sober… relatively speakin’. I just don’t think-”

“Is there a reason why you shouldn’t be?”

“I- no, not exactly, but-”

“But?”

He has never been asked before. He had been sponsored, _forced_ sponsored on most occasions, but he’s never had a chance to be the one in control. He recognizes that Vegeta’s reasons probably aren’t trustworthy, but Goku sort of likes that. Vegeta is taking the right steps for the wrong reasons. He finds it endearing, the lengths Vegeta is willing to go for a fix, and amusing that this is what will put Vegeta on the path to recovery.

“Ok,” he says after some thought. And he decides to back Vegeta into a corner with a few questions and a little teasing to see how honest he is feeling. Vegeta responds poorly. He is defensive and unsure, and he lies about nearly everything. 

But Vegeta had admitted he wasn’t ready when confronted initially, when Goku first asked him why he didn’t share. So Goku sympathizes despite Vegeta’s lies. _Of course_ Vegeta isn’t ready, that’s ok. He can take his time. Goku won’t pressure him. People crack under pressure. He doesn’t want Vegeta to crack. He can lie for now. It doesn’t matter to Goku. He will find out the truth one way or another.

Considering everything, it is quite a pleasant surprise that Vegeta even showed up today. So Goku rewards him. He challenges him because he can tell Vegeta is the type to respond well to challenges. And Vegeta accepts! It is so easy to get his phone from him afterwards. Goku is finally able to delete all those apps Vegeta doesn’t need. He is making space for his number. Because Vegeta _will_ need that if he is going to take this _seriously._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Touch is Goku's love language. Vegeta's too. Fight me.


	12. Rehab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when the twelve steps don't work, you have to take more severe measures.

“Stupid.”

Vegeta wakes to the sound of a palm lightly smacking a forehead. He opens his eyes and sees Kakarot sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to him muttering quietly to himself. “So careless. Just like she always said- stupid!” Vegeta found Kakarot’s quirky self-deprecation almost cute when he first saw it, but now that he is bound to the same bed as earlier it is more than a little unnerving.

Being trapped in Kakarot’s beautiful hidden little mountain home might’ve been nice under any other circumstances. But he isn’t here under _other_ circumstances. He is here because he was drugged, bound, collared, and gagged by someone he had been attempting to seduce for a life-ruining one-night stand. _Fucking karma._

He has dealt with people who were a little too attached before, which is anyone who ever tried to contact him the morning after, but never someone obsessive, never someone who stalked him. _He even watched me fucking sleep! I live on the fourth floor! How is that even possible unless he-_

“Shouldn’t have let him- Oh.” Kakarot turns and sees Vegeta’s sharp careful eyes studying him. “Hi.” He smiles and scoots closer to Vegeta. “You shouldn’t run off like that. There’s bears ‘n wolves ‘round here. If I hadn’a found ya so quick, you coulda been hurt,” he says, rubbing at his bruised jaw and swollen nose. “Or worse.” 

“Worse?” Vegeta tenses against the restraints. “And what is worse than being held captive as your…” He raises a brow at the realization that Kakarot was still wearing his - _too tight in all the right places-_ sweatpants from the night before. “Hn. I don’t know, sex slave? Is that what this is about?”

“No! No! Never, I’d never- never do somethin’ like that. Why would you-”

“How disappointing,” Vegeta mutters.

Kakarot frowns and looks away. “ …You’re more than jus’ … sex, Vegeta. You know that right? That you’re more than your addiction?” 

“Tch.” Vegeta squirms in discomfort at the implication that there is anything more to want out of people than sex. “So what are you going to do with me then?” he says, shifting uncomfortably in the soft sheets. “If you’re not going to fuck me.”

“I never said we weren’t gonna- I just meant that-” Vegeta’s eyes flick curiously back to him making him hesitate. “I- I’m not sure,” Goku backtracks. “I was thinkin’ we’d jus’ sorta... figure it out as we went along. That’s been workin’ so far, hasn’t it?” he asks with genuine concern.

“Sure it has.” Vegeta agrees with a sneer. “But just for the record we could’ve _figured it out_ or done anything you wanted in _my_ bedroom. You really didn’t have to do... all this…” He gestures with vague annoyance to his restraints and pulls at them eliciting a sour face from Kakarot. 

“I- I jus’ thought it’d help ya to get away from the city, is all.”

“Help me? Explain, Kakarot, because the reasoning escapes me, how keeping me tied up in your house _helps_ me.”

“‘Cause you woulda relapsed again if we stayed there. And-” Goku pauses and reflects on memories Vegeta has the sudden peculiar feeling he doesn’t want to know about. “And I don’t want that. I don’t want you to give up. I know you want to be with me, an’- an’ I did a lot of-” His brows crinkle as his brain fumbles for the right phrase, “soul searchin’,” he smiles, “and I realized I wanna be with you too, Vegeta. But we can’t be together if I can’t trust ya. An’ I can’t trust ya if yer gonna relapse whenever I’m not around. So… I decided I’d jus’ keep ya here. For a little bit.” He smiles. “Until your addiction is under control. And when that happens, then we can be together.”

“Right…” _Does he really not understand what’s wrong with this? This is really about my ‘addiction’? He can’t be serious, can he?_

“I know runnin’ away feels easier sometimes. But I promise I’m doin’ this to help you. I don’t wanna jus’ be a number to ya, Vegeta. You’re not just a number to me.”

“And what if I don’t want... your help?”

“What do you mean? Of course you do. You even asked me for it yourself.” He leans in and Vegeta tries not to cringe _or shiver_ as he feels Kakarot’s breath against his neck. “An’ you’ve been doin’ so well.” The faintest touch of skin traces from lightly beneath Vegeta’s ear down to his collar and he can't help it. His mouth parts, his eyes close, and he _shivers._ “I know we can get through this. _Together._ ”

As Kakarot continues to hover over him with those big innocent eyes Vegeta suddenly wonders _just how long has Kakarot been following me?_ “...Is this your kink? ‘Fixing’ people?”

“No, no! Definitely not!” he says quickly, pulling back.

Vegeta snorts _. I guess I can work with that._ _Playing along worked last time._ Or at least, it got him out of the restraints for a while. “Well, you certainly weren’t going to those meetings for _fun_ , were you?” 

“I don’t have any- … any kinks!” 

Vegeta looks at him doubtfully, then at his restraints. He tugs at them, drawing back Goku’s concerned gaze. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yes! I’m sure!” Kakarot’s cheeks grow red and he avoids eye contact.

Vegeta tilts his head at Kakarot’s denial. “Really? Because I didn’t even have to get you past third base to discover a few of them last night-”

“W-what?” He blushes. “No. What do I-”

“-and I guarantee if you let me out of these,” he shakes his wrists aggressively tugging down until Goku places his hands on his to physically stop him from yanking on them, “I can help you discover a few more.” He smirks.

Kakarot lets go and looks with uncertainty at Vegeta. His mouth opens to respond and there is curiosity in his eyes. 

“Let me go and I _promise_ I’ll make it worth your time,” Vegeta says smoothly. “You can have all your weird little savior fantasies fulfilled and I will never tell anyone that you drugged me or kidnapped me or…” he looks around and furrows his brows, “that you have a very bland sense of interior design… I don’t even know your name or- or where I am. You can just-”

“You do know my name! Don’t ya remember? It’s Goku!” He smiles and Vegeta's expression drops. “I didn’t really mean to tell ya then, but… but since we’re here now, you can call me that if ya want. My real name is Goku Son.”

Vegeta’s eyes flutter closed and he exhales one very long stressed out breath through his nose. “Why…” he opens his eyes and glares at Goku in annoyance, “would you tell me your full name?”

“‘Cause I thought... you wanted to know?”

He inhales deeply and represses the urge to scream out at this man’s idiocy. “No,” Vegeta says with barely suppressed frustration. “No, I did not.”

“Oh.” Kakarot smiles playfully. “Well, anyway you can stop tryna use sex to bargain with me. ‘Cause that’s not gonna work. That only tells me how much ya really do need to be here.”

_Does he not want to fuck me!? What the hell?! Then what was last night?!_ _What is any of this?!_ Vegeta knocks his head back against the headboard and swallows down the dread and anger bubbling up inside because he’s not sure how else he’s going to get out of this situation. He only has the one way to deal with his problems. If he doesn’t have that, he has nothing. His arsenal is empty. _He_ is empty. 

“What… the fuck?” He knocks his head back again. “What the fuck?! ‘Need to be here?!’ Let me go! Let- let me out of these fuckin’ things!” Vegeta jerks his wrists painfully against the restraints. “The fuck is this, Kakarot?! Let me go! Let me-!”

“They’re jus’ temporary, Vegeta,” he reassures as he reaches to still Vegeta’s wrist. “I don’t want ya to get overwhelmed like ya did earlier and run off. Even though I did kinda like chasin’ ya down,” he says shyly with a soft smile.

Vegeta’s eyes widen and tries his best to mask his abject terror at Kakarot’s admission. A part of him wants to give up and let whatever happens happen. _At least I’ll finally get laid._ Another part of him wants to find that knife again and ram it between Kakarot’s third and fourth ribs. He figures he’ll have to find a compromise between the two if he ever wants to escape. _A little cooperation might even be fun if he- No. No! It’s not fun, he’s fucking psychotic! Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with me?!_

“Yer real fast. I knew you spent a lotta time at the gym, but Vegeta, yer _really_ fast. I’m not sure I woulda caught ya if not for the… uh...”

“Electric fence?” Vegeta narrows his glare at him. Kakarot reluctantly confirms his suspicion with a guilty hesitant nod. “I’m not a dog, Kakarot. I am not your _pet._ ” He bares his teeth threateningly. “And I’m definitely not fucking _into_ this. Let me GO!” He smashes his head and fists into the headboard behind him making Kakarot flinch toward him.

“I- I know yer not. That’s not- It’s not like that-”

“I don’t know what the fuck kind of miscommunication we had, but you can’t keep me here and expect me to- to what? What is that what this is supposed to be? Some kind of sick addiction therapy fetish for you to- to dehumanize me and-”

“Nonono, it’s not s’posed to be dehumanizin’-” 

“What _is_ it supposed to be, Kakarot? Because all I know is that whatever this is, I hate it! And-” His shoulder rubs at the collar around his neck. “I don’t want any part of it! Now let me go!” 

“Calm down, Vegeta. You gotta understand. I’m doin’ this to try an’ help ya-”

“Calm-!? Fuck you! I’m tied up in your fucking house and- And doesn’t your wife have something to say about this? About keeping a strange man tied up in your bedroom? Where is she?” _Swear to God if she’s a willing part of this, I’m killing myself._

Goku sits up and rubs the back of his neck. “She- no. She doesn't.”

“And why not?”

“‘Cause she’s... missin’.”

“...Missing?”

“Yeah... She went missin’ a couple years ago.” He chuckles anxiously. “She was an addict too, but I- um, couldn’t help her and she- ...People always asked a lot about it if I mentioned it, an’ I didn’t really like that, so I thought it was jus’ be better to say, um, that she was still alive.” And as this admission slips between Goku’s nervous smile, Vegeta finally realizes Goku isn’t just a _stalker._ “I don’t mind tellin’ you though. You’re… I jus’ feel like I can tell ya stuff.” He grins. “But yeah, you don’t have to worry about her. It’s just us.”

“Just... us...” Vegeta repeats quietly.

“Mm,” Kakarot responds softly as he lays down and looks up at him.

“Kakarot... what happened… the other times?” he says slowly, trying not to let the shaky panic now creeping into his voice sound too obvious.

“What other times?”

“You said that you like ‘helping’ people. So I’m just curious about what happened to the other people you’ve … ‘helped.’” 

“I- oh. Well, yeah. I mean, I tried- but- but don’t worry about them! You’re not gonna end up that.” He beams up at Vegeta. “You’re different!”

“Fuck. Fuck,” he mutters as he tugs at the restraints that might just give if he’s willing to break a few bones. “You killed them. Didn’t you? And you killed your wife too, fuckfuckfuc-”

“I-” His eyes flick away from Vegeta’s and he sits up.“No-”

“Jeezuz fuck, you're a serial killer,” he says with a panicked laugh as he begins to yank and strain more urgently against his bonds.

“No, no, no, I’m not-! … I didn’t do it because I _wanted_ to, they made me-”

“Oh, they _made_ you, did they? Did you also tell them, ‘You’re _different.’”_

“N-no! … I like you. A lot more’n I ever liked any of the others. I never liked _anyone_ the way I like you, Vegeta. You _are_ different and- Stop- stop doing that, Vegeta. You’re gonna-”

“I actually seduced a fucking serial killer!? How the-” He laughs in disbelief. “Are you serious?! You-! What the f- And now you’re going to kill me too, aren’t y-” He twists in his restraints and pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls until-

“I said stop!” Goku snaps loudly. “I’m not gonna kill ya! Not if ya actually make an effort to recover!” Goku looks down at his hands which are now wrapped tightly around Vegeta’s wrists and he lets go with a regretful face. Vegeta remains motionless, frozen with fear as Kakarot apologizes. “Sorry. I- I really don’t wanna hurt ya. But if you keep doin’ that, yer gonna get rope burn.” 

_...Rope burn? ROPE BURN?! He thinks I give a fuck about rope burn? I will chew my fucking hand off if that is the only way I can escape! I’m not going to die here! Fuck this! He’s not even going to fuck me!_

“Sorry,” Kakarot apologizes again, backing off. He sits cross-legged on the end of the bed and silence fills the room. Vegeta tries his best to look at anything other than Goku’s tanned sculpted arms, or warm naked torso, or _his stupid CRAZY handsome face._ He reminds himself that Kakarot being otherworldly levels of hot did _not_ make this situation _better;_ it made it _worse._

He tries, but it is difficult to ignore Goku’s increasingly noticeable twitches, his repeated uncomfortable shifting this way and that, his constant glances in Vegeta’s direction as if having the apparent object of his desire bound to the bed really _does_ something for him. The sudden quiet paired with Kakarot’s insufferable inability to not make his internal emotions extremely apparent at all times quickly breaks Vegeta’s patience.

“What? What is it?” Vegeta snaps. “What are you doing? Has it been ten-minutes-without-murder too long? Am I boring you being all tied up? Why are you doing that?” Vegeta begins absently twisting his wrists again.

“Doin' what?” He looks around innocently.

“The- the-...” He tries to gesture with his hands, but Goku doesn't understand the muted movements. “Why are you so anxious? _You_ are not the one tied up in a serial killer’s house.”

“I’m not a- … I just… I really don’t wanna keep ya like this. Especially if you’re gonna keep doin’ that.” He stops one of Vegeta’s grinding wrists. “I told ya it’s jus’ s’posed to be temporary, until ya calmed down.”

“Is that all?” Vegeta stops moving.

“I’m not gonna let ya _go,_ go.” Goku chuckles softly. “But… yeah, you’re not gonna get any better just layin’ in bed all day.”

“Fine. I’m very calm now. ... Now, let me go.” Vegeta sits patiently. “Well? I’m waiting.”

Goku looks at him uneasily. “If I untie ya, are you gonna break my nose and try to run away again?”

Vegeta tilts his head side to side as he weighs his options. “No.” Goku smiles in relief. “I’ll probably try to go for a knock out now that I know I’m being hunted for sport.”

“Vegeta,” he pleads softly. “You’re not makin’ it easy for me to wanna trust ya…”

Vegeta cocks a brow. “And what are you going to do about that? Kill me? Tie me back up?” He shakes his head and mutters, “Not like you’re going to fuck me, apparently. So you might as well let me go and take your chances.”

Goku spends several long seconds processing that response and eventually comes to the conclusion that it was good enough for now. He takes out the same folding knife from earlier and carefully slices through one restraint then reaches across for the other with his bare toned _Does he have to be so unspeakably attractive!?_ abdomen just inches from Vegeta’s face.

Vegeta will never admit it out loud, but the most unwelcome intrusive thought of opening his mouth and running his tongue up those muscles, just to know if crazy has a different taste, crosses through his mind as Goku frees his other hand.

He rubs at his wrists as Kakarot sits back, stows the knife back into his pocket, and stares at Vegeta with his usual dopey smile.

“And… the collar?”

“That’s gonna stay on. Jus’- jus’ for now.” He smiles weakly. “Like I said, I’m not gonna let ya _go,_ go _._ Not yet. But I sure don’t want ya stayin’ cooped up in here all day either. You’ll go crazy!” He laughs.

“I’m… allowed outside?”

“Yeah! Yeah, whenever you want! Bein’ outside’s good for ya.”

“We have very different ideas of what’s _good_ for me…” Vegeta grumbles as he inches away from Kakarot. “I have a few questions then, so I don’t accidentally electrocute myself to death.”

“O’course.”

“I assume you set it up and modified it yourself? The fence?”

“Mm-hm.” He smiles proudly.

“Tch. Is it connected to the house power? Or is there a separate control panel for it?”

Goku’s lip quirks. “I… don’t think I should tell ya that.”

“Doesn’t matter." Vegeta waves him off. "I'll find out. Is it unmarked? I wasn’t looking for them, but I didn’t see any flags or stakes.”

“Yeah, it was easier to jus’ use landmarks, like the road, an’ the river bank, an’ the field to guide it. You’ll know roughly where it is once I point out the boundaries, an’ I’ll always let ya know if yer ever gettin’ too close.”

Vegeta sighs. “I imagine it goes around only a portion of your property. Is that correct? So there is no chance that any nosy neighbor will see me?” Goku nods. “In a circle?”

He hesitates. “It’s more an oval ‘cause there’s clearing with a really good view of the mountains behind those trees,” he points out the window. “An’ I wanted ya to be able to see it.” He smiles. 

“So considerate of my needs.” Vegeta rolls his eyes. “The view is really a top priority right now over my life.”

Goku frowns. “I already said I’m not gonna kill ya.”

Vegeta raises a brow. “And… it’s hard for you to understand why I don’t find that reassuring when you just admitted to killing the last… I don’t know… How many have there been, Kakarot?” 

“Um.” He looks away and starts counting on his hand. He whispers quietly to himself, “fiv- no, that one doesn’t count. ...seven, eight… Does it?” He pauses with furrowed brows before admitting, “I dunno. Depends how ya... count it.”

“Fantastic. You really caught a winner this time, Vegeta.” He leans his head back in resignation. “So... what now?"

“I guess we begin your re- um… re… Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “Rehabilitation!”

“And how… do we do that?” 

Goku looks around sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. “Are… are ya hungry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure many of you were expecting a few more Goku chapters. We'll get back to those in a little bit. For now, back to Vegeta in crisis. :>
> 
> I'm embarrassed to admit the amount of time I spent researching invisible fences to see if this was feasible. (Turns out, it is! ... Don't try this at home kids!)


	13. Progress

_Worst. Serial killer. Ever._ Vegeta rolls his eyes as Kakarot continues on _and on_ about the field, how he rotates his crops, which crops are where, and _of course_ how much he loves each individual plant like it is a person with its own thoughts and feelings. _Awful. It’s been a week and he hasn’t even tried to kill me once!_

In fact the most terrifying thing Kakarot has done is reveal just how much he’d been hiding his insatiable appetite while in public. 

.

.

.

_“Are- are ya gonna finish that?”_

_Vegeta’s fork stops half way to his mouth and his eyes flick to Kakarot in disbelief. His mouth opens to respond as he looks at the now empty plate that not ten seconds ago had been a sixth over-heaping helping of food._

_“Yes!” he snaps with irritation._

_“O-oh, ok. I was jus’ makin’ sure.”_

.

.

.

Despite occasionally still having to fend Kakarot away from his plate, it only takes one loud, “back the FUCK up!” for Goku to wrap his mind around the concept of personal space and realize it is probably best to maintain at least an arm's distance at all times from Vegeta. _He still never leaves me alone though!_ Which Vegeta cannot _stand._ No matter where he goes, or how far he wanders, Kakarot has the uncanny ability to appear behind Vegeta when he least expects it. _And then he doesn’t even DO anything, he just fucking SMILES at me and asks me what I’M doing like it isn’t blatantly obvious I’m trying ESCAPE!_

Kakarot hasn’t even tried to pressure Vegeta for the sexual favors Vegeta was _definitely_ good for. And while Vegeta had never been kidnapped before, he’s pretty sure that’s not how this usually works. _Am I not good enough or something?_ He mentally chides himself for getting offended over such an absurd thing, but the thought keeps nagging him. He’s not sure if Kakarot is just shy, or nervous, or if he really is waiting for Vegeta to “get better.” _Like that will ever happen-_

Whatever it is though, aside from shutting himself in the bathroom to fret in peace about the mistakes he has made to get him to this point in his life, there is never a moment away from Kakarot’s strangely wholesome obsession with him.

It isn’t for lack of trying. Vegeta does try. The hardest part is getting Kakarot out of the house, _Or out of the same fucking room at least!_ Because he can’t search this place for a weapon or a fuse box with Kakarot breathing down his neck every second of the day. _I can’t do ANYTHING when Kakarot does that!_ Luckily Kakarot’s weakness is as obvious as it is easy to exploit. It just takes a little patience, which Vegeta admittedly has very little of, but he eventually manages.

.

.

.

 _Vegeta sits, cross-armed, looking nothing short of accomplished when Kakarot finally rouses. He has the entire contents of the fridge and deep freezer laid out neatly on the kitchen table. It has been there for several hours and Vegeta is sure there is no saving any of it now. He_ _thinks, without a doubt, the most rewarding part of the whole experience is watching Kakarot’s sleepy smile turn into alarm as he gets up and walks over._

_“Wh-what did you do? Vegeta! This was-” Goku picks up several paper wrapped pieces of meat and inspects them. Vegeta’s stomach turns for a moment as a thought crosses his mind._ He doesn’t... eat... his victims, does he? 

_“This was almost a month’s worth of food, I- It took me so long to- Why would ya do this? Now-” Goku puts down the meat in favor of running his exasperated fingers through his messy hair. “Now I have to leave and I didn’t wanna leave, yer not ready yet- an’- an’- ... How do I help you, Vegeta? I try and try and still you- What am I doin’ wrong? What do you want?”_

_“The answer is obvious.” Vegeta gestures to the table which was starting to smell. “I want you to leave.”_ _And after the watching Kakarot's face get the closest Vegeta has ever seen it get to looking angry, which is barely a shade passed mildly annoyed, he left._ Finally!

_As soon as the door is closed Vegeta is pulling out every drawer he can find, opening every door, and turning over every piece of paper. “Leave it to me to seduce the one fucking psychopath in the group,” Vegeta mutters to himself as he ransacks the house._

_He thinks there must have been some red flags he overlooked. Not that he is careful or ever bothers paying attention to those because usually he is the red flag. “Just had to fuck something different and desperate, didn’t you?” He rolls his eyes and slams a drawer. “Just haaad to fucking have it!” He smacks a cupboard shut. “Typical fuckin’ me. So fucking blinded by the prospect of sex! That I couldn’t see he was fucking crazy! That he was-” He opens another drawer and pauses. “Was…” He closes it and opens another. “Was…” He stops with a scowl._

Why the fuck is everything made of fucking plastic? _He eyes the flimsy utensils._ Why are there no glasses? Why the fuck is there not even a pair of damn scissors? _He looks over at the only pair of shoes Kakarot had managed to bring from his apartment. A set of casual lace-less shoes he hasn’t worn in years, and didn’t even realize he still had. He remembers thinking it was strange Kakarot had chosen those out of all his other more easily accessible pairs. Then it hits._

_He had noticed something about the way the house was stocked and furnished seemed_ off _. ..._ But there is no way that naive dumbass has the foresight to murder-proof his house, does he?! _He knocks against the plexiglass storm windows just to confirm his suspicion, but it isn’t until he walks to the curtainless, lockless bathroom that the realization sinks in. Vegeta is right. The house isn’t murder-proof. It's worse. “Fuck.” He leans dejectedly against the tile wall staring at the empty space above the sink where a mirror had previously been and sighs. “It’s suicide-proof.”_

_By the end of the week he finally accepts that Kakarot is not going anywhere. And neither is he._

.

.

.

Maybe that is why he agreed to willingingly follow Kakarot out into the woods today. It certainly couldn’t hurt to know the boundaries. It couldn’t hurt to stretch his legs and keep his proud well-toned muscles from atrophying due to lack of use, _since fucking will obviously not be a reliable workout here._ It couldn’t hurt to play nice, to play Kakarot’s strange little game in the hopes that he might slip up and give Vegeta an opportunity to escape _._ Yes. That’s it. That’s what it is. It is _not_ because he actually finds Kakarot’s inane chatty bullshit to be a somewhat amusing relief from the dark recesses his mind has been dragging him into lately. 

Vegeta maintains relative silence and occasionally grumbles out a clipped one-word answer when a response is absolutely required as they walk through the forest toward the field. But an hour later Vegeta finds himself sitting beneath the cool shade of a tall oak tree still listening to Kakarot yammer on about how tricky radishes can be. And he wonders just _what the hell are we doing?! Is he trying to get to know me?! Why?! Hurry up and kill me! Why is he dragging this out!? I might start to like it here!_

  
  


“So how does this work, Kakarot?” he interrupts before another passing thought on how much he’s been needing a vacation crosses his mind.

Kakarot’s face lights up at the shift in Vegeta’s tone. He has clearly been waiting for Vegeta to show interest in something, maybe anything. “How does what work?”

“Do you have split personalities? Are you going to wake up one morning and skin me? Are you a cannibal who only feels full when you eat people? Or do you just…” He snaps his fingers. “...into a psychotic rage sometimes? Is there a trigger word? … Do you talk to your dead wife? Does she tell you to kill people? Is that what all that mumbling is about?”

“W- what?! No!”

“To which part?”

“To- to all of it!”

“So, then… what? Why do you do this, Kakarot?”

He looks out at the field. “Whadya mean?”

“Why do you kidnap unsuspecting addicts and keep them in your house trying to save them from themselves until you realize you can’t? Does ending the suffering of broken people get you off? Also, why... _sex_ addicts? I would normally assume it's because you think we are more capable of performing whatever depraved act it is that you require for satisfaction, but now...” He eyes Goku with a disappointed sigh. "...I'm not so sure."

Goku pauses and he tries to figure out why Vegeta is asking all this. He wonders what he is doing wrong that has given Vegeta the impression he would do to him what he’d done to _the others_ . He’d _never_ do that to _Vegeta. Vegeta is different._ He _likes_ Vegeta. Vegeta _wants_ to change. And he’s told Vegeta all this so many times.

Goku even sleeps on the couch instead of up against Vegeta where he obviously desperately wanted to be. He patiently spends night after night staring up at the dark living room ceiling until Vegeta decides to make it clear he is comfortable around him again. Goku feels like they are starting from scratch and he doesn’t understand why because, if anything, Vegeta knows him even _better_ now. This is supposed to be the _easy_ part. Everything was _safe_ here. So why is he still questioning him? 

Goku frowns. “Uh… well, like I was sayin’... the soil composition is actually really important ‘cause-”

“Avoid the topic if you want, Kakarot,” Vegeta says with a smirk, “but I’m going to keep asking until you kill me.” He leans back against the tree and closes his eyes. “I’m… curious.”

“About… me?”

“No, about the fucking radishes. Yes! You! Idiot!”

Kakarot plops down next to him and wipes the sweat from his brow. He is silent for a long time as he considers an answer. “I dunno. ... It started kinda by accident, I guess… I kept doin’ it hopin’ I could do better, that it would work, but uh, it never seems to go very well.” He smiles weakly at Vegeta, but it is not received reassuringly and he looks away. “People... really don’t like change.” 

“You think it’s the change they don’t like?”

“What else would it be?” 

Vegeta raises an expectant brow and Goku meets his doubtful look with genuine curiosity. Vegeta huffs before responding sarcastically, “I can’t speak for the others, but I’ve never been a fan of leather, myself.” He taps at the collar.

Goku’s brow crinkles in thought as he absently digs his fingers into the dirt. “I know I do things that don’t seem right on the surface, but… sometimes people don’t know what’s good for them. I just- if they could just see that what I’m tryna do… is gonna help ‘em then… y’know? You see that. I can tell. You know deep down this is gonna be good for you. That’s why it’s workin’.” 

“Right… So, that’s what this is, then? … You really think you’re going to be the one who finally changes me? Into… into what, a good person?”

He smiles softly. “Yeah. I guess. Er, I don’t really think yer a bad person, Vegeta. Jus’ … lonely.”

Vegeta snorts. “And for what?”

“What do ya mean?”

“What do you get out of this? Out of me _not_ wanting to fuck everything I walk by. Sounds like the worse deal for you, as you are…” He gestures casually to Kakarot. “...something I occasionally walk by.”

“Maybe… maybe I’ll get you,” he admits with a shy smile. 

“What’s the difference?” 

Goku studies him for a moment then blushes as his eyes dart away. 

“What?” Vegeta prods, but Goku never tells him. 

Instead, he chuckles to himself and pulls up a few pieces of grass. “Nothin’.”

“Nothing.” Vegeta repeats as he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Well, just so you’re aware, many have tried what you’re attempting, and none have succeeded.

“Hm. Well, none of them tried as hard as me.”

Vegeta clicks his tongue and eyes Goku’s peculiar confidence warily. “They certainly did not.”

Goku pulls his knees to his chest and stares out at the mountains. “Pretty, isn’t it?” Vegeta shrugs. He wanted to disagree, but only because he didn’t feel ‘pretty’ did it justice. It was… breathtaking. He had never seen anything like it; the brown and grey cliff faces cascading into the green valley below just beyond the field. “I really like this spot. This is where I’d always come after- ...” Goku’s words trail off and Vegeta notices his curious little twitches have reappeared in his attempt to hold in whatever he was about to say.

“After what?” He resists the urge to place both hands on Kakarot’s shoulders and hold him still. “After you dismembered people?” 

“No… after me ‘n my wife would argue,” he mumbles into his knees.

Vegeta has for some time, well before he was abducted, suspected Kakarot and his wife had a troubled relationship. But after a few days here he was beginning to realize it was more than just _troubled,_ especially for Kakarot. “What did you argue about?” he asks slowly, unsure if he wants to know the answer.

Goku chuffs. “Everythin’. I wouldn’t come back for days sometimes. Not that she’d even let me half the time,” he mutters. “B-” Goku stops himself and shuts his mouth with a bothered expression.

“Bitch?” Vegeta presumes with a smirk. “She sure sounds like a dumb bitch.”

“Heh.” His posture loosens a little and he relaxes as he opens up. “Yeah, she kinda was. She wasn’t dumb though. I was the stupid one. She always made that clear.” 

Vegeta lets out an annoyed groan and rubs his fingers into his forehead. “You’re not stupid, Kakarot. You’re just an idiot.” Goku laughs. “What’s so funny?”

Goku shrugs. “I dunno. When you say it, it’s different.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You don’t mean it.”

“I do.”

“You don’t. I think yer just….” Goku looks away with a mischievous smile. “Just a mean flirt.”

“A- a WHAT?!” Vegeta eyes snap open. “I am NOT a- a _flirt._ Definitely not with _you,_ you psychotic-” 

Goku ducks and giggles when Vegeta launches a stick at him. He is forced to stand and move in order to dodge the subsequent small pebbles and sticks Vegeta throws towards him and he laughs as Vegeta gets up too and runs after him. He is too busy looking back at Vegeta’s perpetually frowning face, too caught off guard seeing Vegeta smile for once, that he doesn’t see the roots at his feet and he trips. 

He would have caught himself if Vegeta hadn’t been right behind him. The sudden impact sends them both tumbling to the ground.

Vegeta rubs his shoulder and sits up as he looks over at Goku who is still laying on his back laughing. “It’s kinda… kinda fun to argue with you,” he says sitting up on his elbows with a grin.

“Tch.”

“Afterwards I jus’ wanna-” Goku closes his mouth and looks away trying to repress a smile.

“Want to what?”

Goku’s eyes flick bashfully back toward Vegeta and his face begins to crimson with a soft blush. “I- I dunno.”

“Lies.” He smirks. “You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you? ...Are you thinking about killing me?”

“No.”

“Arguing with me is just the foreplay to my inevitable murder. Don’t deny it.”

“It’s not.”

“How do you do it?” Vegeta’s teeth catch his bottom lip as he considers the possibilities. “Do you strangle your vict- er, ‘rescues?’ You seem like a very… _hands-on_ kinda guy.”

Goku scoffs softly and looks away. “No.”

“Then how? I want to know how I’m going to die. It’s only fair.”

“I dunno how you’re gonna die, Vegeta. Maybe you’ll live forever."

Vegeta raises a brow. “I know you’re hiding some twisted fantasy in that head of yours. Tell me what it is.” Vegeta didn’t realize they had fallen so close to each other, but they had and he can feel the heat radiating off Goku’s body as he leans over him intent on getting an answer. He can hear the catch in Kakarot’s breath as Vegeta leans in a little further in an attempt to provoke him because it’s been _far_ too long since he’s been this close to someone and it isn’t fair that he’s trapped here with nothing to _do._ “Tell me what you were thinking about. Maybe... I’ll even… like it,” he says darkly as he looks down at Goku’s blushing expression. 

Goku leans back in response at first, but there is nowhere to go. He is running out of space as Vegeta blocks him in, teasing him by intimidating him. What was he to do? Vegeta wants to know. So Goku shows him.

Vegeta doesn’t kiss back. He is too shocked. Goku pulls away almost as quickly as he had pressed in and Vegeta wipes his thumb across his bottom lip as he processes what just happened. _He- He just- …_

Vegeta thinks the worst thing about the flash of skin on skin that passed almost too quickly to register is that he isn’t mad. No, the worst thing is that he feels _disappointed_ . Disappointed because he wants _more. So much more._ It has been so long. He wants to pin Kakarot to the ground and completely devour him in retaliation for kissing him so fucking chastely. “That’s… that’s it?” he asks before he can stop himself with an edge of desperation in his voice. “That’s all?”

“I-” Goku rubs the back of his neck with a half smile. “That’s all I was thinkin’,” he admits shyly. “After we fight, I jus’ … kinda wanna kiss ya.”

There is a long pause as Vegeta’s eyes search Kakarot’s face and he mentally curses himself for thinking that was downright _adorable._ “Well don’t!!” Vegeta snaps loudly as he stands up, because if he doesn’t get away from him now, he isn’t going to be able to deny him more. He wipes his mouth onto his shirt sleeve because the last thing he needed was any trace of Kakarot lingering on him, reminding him how utterly _not_ _fucked_ he is. He turns away and tries to maintain what was left of his quickly dwindling dignity. “I want nothing to do with you!”

Goku looks away with a playful smile. “I dunno. You seemed kinda excited about me killin’ ya a few seconds ago.”

Vegeta crosses his arms and snarls. “Well, maybe that’s because I have a fucking _problem,_ Kakarot. I’d literally rather _die_ than not get _fucked._ I can’t fucking help myself!”

“...Ya did just now, though.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. I jus’ - … I think yer finally startin’ to make real progress again, is all.” Goku smiles bashfully as he stands and dusts himself off. 

Vegeta stammers with offense as he watches Goku begin to walk back toward his little mountain house. “Yeah, well-! That’s because-! … You fucking kidnapped me! And I don’t have a fucking choice!” Vegeta huffs and waits a few moments before following him because he isn’t sure he can find his way back if he doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D Vegeta you FLIRT!


	14. Honesty

Vegeta will never admit it, but Kakarot was right. The last few days have been as rewarding as they have been exhausting, ever since Kakarot took it upon himself to address Vegeta’s complaints that sitting around doing nothing would drive him literally insane until he finally snapped and killed Kakarot before Kakarot had the chance to kill him. Vegeta wasn’t impressed by the suggestion at first, but he was bored and starting to get stir-crazy despite the view, so he grudgingly agreed to at least _try_ it.

He had never realized farming was such hard work and he quickly learned that manual labor is a very different kind of workout than being in a gym, especially under the hot sun. He aches everywhere afterwards, and he is sure he’s never worked for so many hours straight which gives him a sudden appreciation for the food he wasted for an equally wasted moment of solitude. 

As he stands under the scalding hot water he finds his mind continually occupied by innocuous things like _...It was so warm today, how is there still snow on the mountains?_ and _Why the fuck is everything Kakarot owns orange?_ to the point where he is left wondering _Is Kakarot crushing antidepressants into my coffee?_ Or _maybe he’s putting it in my food and that’s why it tastes so good-_ Because why the hell else would he be thinking about inane bullshit like _weather_ and _what Kakarot is wearing_ instead of the usual troubling thoughts that plagued him like, _I fucking hate everyone, everything fucking sucks,_ and _what the fuck am I doing with my life?_

In fact he easily chases those angry feelings away as he breathes in the steam. For the first time in a long time he isn’t worried about where the hell he’s going to ruin his next one-night stand. He isn’t worried about crawling back to Nappa to ask for his job back because no one else will hire him with his track record. He isn’t worried that he is getting close to thirty and has no accomplishments to speak of besides destroying the lives of others. None of those things mattered here and he isn’t worried about… anything. _Except_ _Kakarot,_ he thinks as he presses and massages his muscles with soap-slick fingers.

_What to do… about… Kakarot..._ He hums thoughtfully as he works his hands a little harder against his neck and shoulders and he feels the only part of him that isn’t sore to the point of collapse twitch to life. _I can certainly think of something_ \- especially after being teased the entire day by Kakarot’s shirtless, sweating body. His teeth dig into his lower lip as his hand reaches for relief and he lets out a quiet sigh when he finds it. 

It has been so long since he’s been able to find any satisfaction, from anyone, and now all of a sudden when he is alone by himself it is coming so easily and so fast he has to slow down, and he hasn’t even started yet. He wonders if it’s really been that long or if it’s something else as he leans against the cool tile and squeezes harder. _Fuck, Kakarot looked so cute today when he was laughing at his own stupid joke_ -

Vegeta’s eyes shoot open. _What the fuck am I thinking? What the fuck am I doing?!_ He rips his hand away from himself and slams the temperature knob to ice cold. Exhaustion, and now temperature shock, only amplifies the dizziness he feels from forcing all the blood to the one part of his body that doesn’t need it. He realizes his mistake too late. His knees start buckling and before he has the wherewithal to catch himself, he passes out against the wall and slides with a quiet thud to the floor. 

***

He wakes up shivering in a pair of sweatpants that don’t belong to him, partially propped up against something warm on the bed. He can feel fingers casually combing through his damp, towel dried hair. His first thought is to get up and bolt, perhaps even while yelling a few choice obscenities. But as his consciousness becomes more collected, he considers that he has never gotten this opportunity before and suddenly he’s curious about what Kakarot does, what he usually does, when he doesn’t think anyone’s looking. _He knows what I do._ And he wonders if this will finally be the moment he discovers Kakarot’s true sick intentions.

Vegeta stops his teeth from chattering and keeps his eyes closed as he feels his head gently pulled this way and that. It is difficult to stay still and relaxed in the arms of a serial killer, especially now that the blood is beginning to find its way back to places it shouldn’t be because he is laying back against a warm sun-kissed body, but he manages.

A quiet giggle escapes the body behind him that makes it difficult for Vegeta to resist snapping at him. _What the fuck is he doing to my hair!?_ His head is eventually rested back against Kakarot’s shoulder and warm arms wrap around his chest as Kakarot’s chin finds refuge on his head. Vegeta bites his cheek to stop himself from sighing at the added warmth. 

Vegeta’s brows crinkle though when he feels the clenching and unclenching of Kakarot’s jaw. Kakarot’s mind is racing. Whatever he is thinking about, he is thinking about it very very hard. Kakarot tenses and shifts and Vegeta hears something softly hit the headboard repeatedly. “S-stupid, so stupid,” he whispers quietly. “Shouldn’t have left him alone for so long.”

That makes Vegeta pause. It usually isn’t a good sign when Kakarot says things like that. He has learned it usually means he thinks Vegeta is failing. And if he is failing, then Vegeta will be lucky if this incident cascades into a series of arguments resulting in nothing more than Kakarot feeling the need to watch him shower _._ _As if I didn’t lose enough self-respect with the fucking collar- ! So what if I just almost drowned myself trying to get off?!_

He knows if he doesn’t get ahead of the emotional freight train currently racing through Kakarot’s head loaded with years of unresolved trauma with his murdered wife and even more sexual repression, then this will likely end badly for him and he isn’t ready to give up quite yet.

He opens his eyes and exhales deeply. “Why? How long was I out?”

“Oh. You’re awake. S-sorry-” Goku says quietly as he starts to pull away.

“Don’t move,” Vegeta grumbles. “I just got fucking comfortable.”

Goku smiles and settles back to where he was. “Sorry.”

“Why are you so worked up? How long was I out?”

“I- … I dunno. I jus’ pulled you outta there a few minutes ago ‘cause- ‘cause you were freezin’. An’ I know you usually take long showers, but- I wouldn’t normally ever do somethin’ like- I jus’ thought since you didn’t respond when I knocked that three an’ a half hours was a _really_ long time, an’-”

Vegeta turns his head slightly and looks up at Kakarot’s worry-stained expression. Vegeta internally groans because immediately upon looking at that face, _that fucking face,_ he knew _exactly_ what to do about Kakarot. 

It isn’t technically losing to Kakarot or his absurd game of sobriety. It isn’t going to do anything to satiate his painful cravings for pure unadulterated _sex_ . In fact it will probably make them worse, but every inch of Kakarot’s face is pleading for it, for that small physical act of reassurance that everything is ‘ok.’ And if that is all it will take to put this incident to bed, then that is what he will do.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by movin’ ya-” Goku begins to shift and move again as he stumbles through his irritating attempts at apologies. “-I’m sorry I didn’t do anythin’ sooner. Are you o-”

“Tch.” Vegeta rolls his eyes and yanks Kakarot’s jaw down so he could reach it without straining and makes Kakarot stop talking by force of mouth. He holds him there until he feels Kakarot begin to relax and kiss back. _That’s payback. Now_ you’re _the one left wanting more._ Vegeta eyes the blush that has already spread across Goku’s face with a confident smirk as he pulls away. “Shut the fuck up,” he mutters with a tired exhale.

“Ok.” 

“I’m fine.”

“Ok.” 

“Go to sleep.”

Goku smiles and his arms settle a little more comfortably around Vegeta. “Ok.”

  
  


***

When he wakes Kakakot is lying next to him, staring at him, smiling with his usual annoyingly bright shining face.

Vegeta rolls on to his back and throws an arm over his face. “Why the fuck do you do that?” he grumbles sleepily.

“Do what?”

Vegeta cracks an eye open and squints at Kakarot from beneath his arm. “I don’t know. Stare at me. Watch me. Stalk me. I can’t possibly be that interesting. Especially not now. Not here.” He gestures to the room. “Is it so you can make sure I’m staying sober in my dreams?” Goku raises a brow. “…Kill me now, because I promise you that I’m not.” Vegeta shifts in an attempt to stop the chafing of the sweatpants on his subsiding morning wood. 

“No.” Goku chuckles. “I dunno. I guess I do jus’ find ya interestin’. You always look like there’s so much goin’ on in there.” He lightly taps Vegeta temple. “Even when yer sleepin’. It’s hard to catch ya lookin’ relaxed, but I keep tryin’ ‘cause- … ‘cause I- I like the way ya look when yer jus’... ” his eyes search Vegeta’s face with a curious smile, “...breathin’. Is that weird?”

“Well, it sure beats the hell out of you liking the way I look when I’m _not_ breathing.” 

“Hmm.” Goku grins. “I agree.”

“I’m so glad.” Vegeta rolls his eyes.

Goku buries his charming ear-to-ear smile in his pillow for a moment before peeking up at Vegeta.

He sighs heavily. “What.”

“Nothin’. I jus’- I liked sleepin’ with ya. Once you warmed back up, you were like a little space heater! … an’ it’s been a really long time since I shared a bed with anyone.”

Vegeta scoffs. “Yeah, well-” _I’m not sure I have_ ever _done that without fucking them first._ Vegeta’s brow furrows at the thought. “Don’t get used to it,” he snaps. “You were already there and I was too exhausted to argue with you. It won’t happen again.”

“Phew!” He wipes his hand across his forehead. “I was worried you were gonna make a habit outta fallin’ asleep in the shower jus’ to get me in bed with you.” He laughs.

Vegeta hides the quirk in his lip and he wonders where he’ll ever find the will to escape if Kakarot keeps making dumb quips like that. He _does_ still want to do that of course. He has just been too busy learning the landscape, and types of trees in the area, and which plants are apparently poisonous, and the proper way to use a hand plow, and having none of _his_ jokes about already knowing how to do that being appreciated by Kakarot, and- _what the fuck am I doing here-_

“You’re doin’ so good, y’know that?” Goku says thoughtfully.

“And what does that mean? ‘Doing good.’” He stretches with the full intent of distracting Kakarot from giving a meaningful response. “Are you referring to the fact that I haven’t tried to break your kneecaps recently?” There is a long pause and Vegeta doesn’t even have to open his eyes as he strains his neck first to one side then to the other, to know he is getting exactly the response he wanted. “...Well? I could always make another attempt-”

“Oh- oh, yeah, no I’m real happy you’re not still doin’ tryna do that, but I jus’ meant like, controllin’ your … impulses and... learnin’ how to set boundaries.”

“Yes, well, it’s easier when there’s someone else setting those boundaries for me.” He rubs at the chafing on his neck as he sits up. 

“Still.” 

He stares at Kakarot’s genuine smiling face and he feels the unmistakable pangs of regret. He shouldn’t feel guilty. He shouldn’t care that he’s lying. It has never bothered him before. _So why the fuck is it bothering me now?!_ “Kakarot…” He treads carefully toward the admission that might kill him. “What if… I wasn’t?” 

“Wasn’t what?”

“Controlling… my impulses.”

“Whadya mean?”

“In the shower... yesterday...” His eyes flick away. “I got off. Or- I tried to. I didn’t finish. But I- well, I certainly wasn’t thinking sober thoughts,” he says with a forced half-smile in a weak attempt to lighten the weight this had on him. _I have a death wish._ His mouth closes and he waits for Kakarot’s response.

“What were ya thinkin’ about?” Vegeta raises a brow and he quickly backtracks. “You don’t have ta tell me! If you don’t wanna!” He waves his hands reassuringly. “I’m jus’ askin’ ‘cause- ya mentioned it. So I thought ya might wanna... talk about it,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I was thinking…” Vegeta tries to figure out if this is a trap or not and after several moments of driving Kakarot very nearly insane with silence, he gives up and answers honestly, “...about you.”

Vegeta could practically feel the skip in Kakarot’s heart and he doesn’t shy away or resist as Kakarot leans in. Goku’s hand captures his jaw and Vegeta lets Kakarot's soft inexperienced mouth lead his towards the lip-biting, skin-bruising intoxication he woke up craving so badly _._ But they never get there; Goku pulls away.

“Yer doin’ really good,” he says as he rests his head on Vegeta’s thigh and wraps his thick warm arms securely around his waist.

“But… I failed, didn’t I?”

“No.” Goku shakes his head. “That was never yer issue. Was it?”

“Not... exactly, but I still-” 

“Sobriety means not doin’ the destructive behaviors interferin’ with havin’ a happy life.” Goku smiles. “It’s not some kinda test you either pass or fail. And it’s definitely not the same for everyone. If you think you’re ready to do that, an’ I think you are since ya talked about it, then…” he shrugs, “...you are. I’m … kinda surprised it took this long. You have a lotta determination when you want to.”

Vegeta stares at him with furrowed brows, still tonguing the lingering traces of Kakarot on his bottom lip. _The fuck does he want me to say to that? Thank you? Fuck that. I don’t give a fuck about what he thinks. Or how he thinks I’m doing. He trapped me here! I’m not fucking thanking him!_ “...Thanks.”

Goku’s face lights up. “I- I jus’ wanted ta tell ya ‘cause I read that positive affirm… affir- no, positive reinforcement! Er- no, maybe it is affirmation. I forget which one’s which, but-” 

Vegeta rolls his eyes and puts up his hand before Kakarot makes him cringe out of his skin. “Stop talking.”

“But you get what I’m sayin’, right?” He laughs softly and Vegeta finds himself ignoring the rest of the words that tumble warmly out of Kakarot’s mouth against his skin. His focus is pulled instead to the rippling muscle under toned, unmarred skin, the flex and tense of his back and legs as Kakarot kicks his feet slowly back and forth. He could watch that beautiful sight all day. And he thinks, karma wasn’t being very fair to him, making his fate so damn…

  
  


Addictive.


	15. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> light s m u t.

Time passes differently here. It is easy for Vegeta to forget himself. It is easy for him to forget that there is a _reason_ why he has Kakarot shoved against the front door and his teeth in his neck. There is a reason they have been doing this more regularly and for longer, always going a little _further_ and it is not because Vegeta _likes_ to run his tongue up the sweat-stained skin below Kakarot’s ear to the sensitive spot that makes him whine. 

It is because Kakarot doesn’t seem to consider this breaking sobriety protocol; in fact he seems to interpret it as a sign that Vegeta is _doing better,_ allowing Vegeta to use these hot, heated lip-locking moments to scour Kakarot’s body and clothes for knives, or keys, or... _Anything!_

But the only things Vegeta has found so far have been a few stray sticks of jerky, which he took and promptly ate in front of Kakarot just to make him frown, and an exceptionally smooth skipping stone, which he carefully put back. Sometimes he forgets to check, but one of these days he’s sure he’ll find something in those pants that he could take. _Other than Kakarot's enormous-_

He slides his hands down Kakarot’s waist and dips them into Kakarot’s back pockets even though he knows for a fact there’s nothing in them today. There isn’t anything in his front pockets either. Vegeta has already checked, not so subtly either. 

_Where the hell does he keep that damn knife?! I just saw him with it earlier! … And why am I still-_ They stumble through the doorway and into the house covered in sweat and dirt. Goku quickly guides them to the living room, over the side of the couch, and soon there is no thought in Vegeta’s head except how much he had taken the simple feeling of someone’s mouth against his for granted in the rush to get to what was next.

“How far are we going to go today, Kakarot?” Vegeta taunts.

“However far ya want,” Goku pants back.

“What if I want to go _all_ the way?” he murmurs quietly against Kakarot’s mouth.

Goku feels Vegeta’s hand run beneath his shirt and watches him push the fabric up with heavy interested eyes. “I don’t think ya wanna do that.”

Vegeta pauses. “How would you know?”

“I jus’ know.” 

It infuriates Vegeta when Kakarot says things like that. There is nothing more insufferable than his apparent ability to know Vegeta better than Vegeta does. _How can he be right? When it feels this good…_

It takes all his energy to untangle himself from the kiss he has been drawn back into and prop himself up over Kakarot so he can argue with him. When he finally does pull away, he feels a sweat break out across his neck and chest.

He wants to tease Kakarot for how pathetic those little keening noises are, for the desperate way Kakarot moves his hips up against his, for how Kakarot is obviously the one who can’t stop. But he doesn’t. He can’t. He knows he would be lying.

“What if…” The words catch for a moment as blood thumps painfully through his groin demanding more. “... I need it.”

Goku opens his eyes and sees that the color has drained from Vegeta’s face and there is a slight shake in Vegeta’s hands as they press Goku’s shoulders deeper into the couch. 

“But I thought- … You haven’t…?”

“I have. Twice. But it’s not the same. I want-” Vegeta tries and fails to repress a shudder as his cock pulses against the constricting fabric of his jeans. “... _need_ more,” he admits.

“Then maybe we can…” Goku pops the button to Vegeta’s pants and hesitantly reaches below Vegeta’s waistline. “...try something else...” 

Vegeta’s reaction is instantaneous; as soon as skin touches skin he lets out a strangled sigh of relief and his fingertips dig deeply into Kakarot’s shoulders “Isn’t this-” Vegeta presses harder in an attempt to keep himself from thrusting too enthusiastically into Kakarot’s grip, “-a relapse?”

Kakarot’s mouth whispers softly along Vegeta’s neck. “No.”

“Then, ah, what is it?”

Vegeta can feel the teeth in Kakarot’s grin as he answers, “Therapy.”

“Tch. Therapy sure feels a lot like a- ah, teenage handjob.”

Kakarot bites his lip as he tries, with some success, to improve his tactics. He is so clearly unpracticed, inexperienced, clumsy even, and a little awkward; yet it still feels better than anything Vegeta has attempted by himself lately. There is no sound in the room now except for the soft rustling of hand-on-body action between tight unforgiving clothing and it is driving Vegeta insane to be left alone with his thoughts as he is pushed closer and closer to the edge that someone like Kakarot had no business knowing how to push him over so easily.

“Not that I’m complaining,” he says after a few moments, “but doesn’t therapy, ah, usually require talking?”

“We- we can talk if you want to. What did you wanna-” Goku looks up at Vegeta with an open mouth and heated gaze, “talk about?”

Vegeta snakes one of his hands around to the back of Kakarot’s head and pushes Goku’s face to meet his own. 

“I like this topic,” Goku mumbles through their rough needy exchanges of tongue.

Vegeta feels Kakarot grinding against him, subtly trying to reposition himself so he can find a little friction as well. “Me too.” Vegeta chuckles to himself and reaches to pull Goku’s sweatpants down.

“Wait, wait,” Goku whispers breathlessly and shifts. “Don’t-”

“Don’t?” Vegeta presses his hand against the heavy outline of Kakarot’s hardened shaft. “You don’t want me?” 

“No! Yes! I mean- I do! But… Ah-” Vegeta moves his hand and lets Goku focus on what he’s trying to say. “It’s- it’s about you right now, it’s _your_ recovery. Not-”

“Is it?” he asks with furrowed brows as one of Kakarot’s hands resumes stroking a little faster and the other wanders softly, slowly around his body trying to know him, feeling for the parts of him that shy away, that give, that press back. _Wait. No, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction!_ Vegeta’s teeth painfully catch his bottom lip. _He doesn’t control me!_ He shudders as he feels Kakarot’s grip tighten. _He isn’t going to win._ His brows crinkle and his eyes squeeze shut. _This isn’t working._ He presses his forehead to Kakarot’s as noises of surrender escape from his open mouth without permission. _He is not going to make me fucking c-!_ And his body disobeys him. 

Relief floods him, pulses through every inch of him as Kakarot’s now cum-slicked hand continues to milk out every ounce of denial he had left trying to convince himself that this wasn’t exactly what he wanted, _needed_. He melts into the warm abyss that is Kakarot’s hold on him and shivers through the last thrums of climax.

Vegeta wants to wrap his hands around Kakarot’s stupid thick neck and choke the life out of him for making it so _satisfying_ to take it _slow_ , but his appetite for taking physical liberties with Kakarot’s body is already too sated to try and start a fight now, especially one he knows he will lose.

“You look a lot better,” Goku says, pushing Vegeta’s hair back. “Do ya feel better?”

“Fuck therapy,” he mumbles before giving into the best sleep he’s had in months. 

***

It was Kakarot’s idea, that was what was so strange. It wasn’t like Vegeta couldn’t say no; for once he actually considered it, and the word very nearly left his mouth. But he was so genuinely curious if Kakarot was actually going to follow through that he _had_ to say yes. That, and he was also really _really_ craving one. 

_I guess I am an addict._ He sighs as he looks down at Kakarot’s nervous expression. _Why else would I let him do this?_ “You were the one who wanted to do this, you can always back out.”

Goku’s eyes flick away. “No, no, I want to. I wanna do this. For you.”

Vegeta rests his jaw in his palm and thinks Kakarot’s reasoning behind ‘therapy’ isn't particularly sound, but he isn’t going to point that out while he continues to reap the benefits. He gestures to his naked lap. “Well? ...I’m waiting.”

“Sorry, I’ve just- I’ve never done this before an’ I’m not sure-”

“Apologize to me one more time, Kakarot, and not only is Fuck Therapy canceled forever-”

“Whydya have to keep callin’ it that?” Goku mutters with reddening cheeks.

“-but I’m going to run off and electrocute myself until I foam at the mouth again,” he says with a bored sigh as he scratches at the most recent marks of irritation on his neck. Kakarot frowns. “Fine. Fine! I won’t run off.” Vegeta waves him off with a smirk. “I’ll just face-fuck you until you get it through your thick skull how much I hate the word, ‘sorry.’ How about that? Does that work?”

Kakarot leans back with a pout before finally placing sweaty palms on Vegeta’s thighs and opening his mouth. Vegeta represses a shiver as he feels Kakarot take him bit by hesitant bit into his mouth. “Yes. Just like that-” He closes his eyes with a satisfied hiss and begins to guide him gently with his hand on the back of his head. “Fuuck,” he mutters as his eyes close. “I think you’re a natural.” 

He never thought he’d find himself in this position when he woke up several weeks ago bound to a bed. He thought he would be the one on his knees being used for satisfaction. He’s not sure what to make of this. He’s not sure what to make of Kakarot either anymore _._ And he wonders if this is just some ploy to get _his_ guard down, so Kakarot could turn on _him_ when he was most vulnerable. 

_It’s not working, Kakarot. My guard is always up. I just-_ He sucks in a sharp quivering breath as Kakarot’s tongue circles around the tip - _don’t have any good ideas right now. So, why not let you do this-_ He relaxes into the couch. - _while I come up with something..._ Yes, buying time. _That’s_ why he is letting Kakarot suck and swallow around him.

He stays lost in thought as he continues carefully directing Kakarot’s virgin mouth halfway down his shaft over and over again, trying to press a little further each time until, to his surprise, Goku lets him push his mouth all the way to the base. Vegeta holds him there until Goku gags thinking revenge sounds just as good as it feels. Because this is revenge, _isn’t it?_ _He can’t possibly enjoy_ -

Kakarot pops off with a noise that Vegeta can’t quite place. He isn’t sure if Kakarot was gasping or _...moaning?_ but the startled, embarrassed look on his face lets Vegeta know it wasn’t intentional.

“S-sorry!” 

“Kakarot.” His hand drops from Goku’s head in disappointment at the loss of heat and warmth wrapped around his cock. “Why the fuck are you always s- No, fuck it. I don’t want to know. It’s fine. We’ll stop.”

“No, no, I don’t wanna stop. I’m sorry, I can keep-”

Vegeta grunts in frustration and lightly claps both hands to the sides of Kakarot’s face to keep it from moving while he attempts to scream some sense into him. “What the fuck did I just tell you about that word?!”

“I dunno.” His eyes dart away from Vegeta, and something unfamiliar flicks across his face as he asks, “What did ya say about it?”

“Are you-!” Vegeta’s words drop and his brows furrow. It had only appeared on Goku’s face for an instant. It was almost imperceptible, but Vegeta is sure he sees that mischievous smile again as Kakarot starts to say it _one_ more time.

“S-”

Goku’s apology turns into a muffled yelp of surprise when his head is forced down and his mouth is filled. Vegeta never much liked Kakarot’s long hair since he never seemed to care for it properly, but as his fingers tangle and tug through his messy locks, he finds that it makes it easier to figure out how and where Kakarot likes being handled roughly.

Vegeta thrusts himself deeper despite the noises indicating his partner is having trouble catching a breath. When Kakarot does manage to catch air, it isn’t wasted. He uses those short moments to express louder and _louder_ how much he _likes_ this.

“I thought- fuck! I thought you said you didn’t have any kinks!” Vegeta isn’t sure what Kakarot says to that, but the jumble of incoherent mumbles vibrating through his mouth sound suspiciously similar to a denial. “You fucking liar.” Vegeta snorts. “Don’t worry, I- ah, won’t tell anyone.”

Goku pulls off with a smug grin just to make sure Vegeta hears him say, “I know.”

“Fuck you.” Vegeta slams him back onto his cock. “Don’t you know it’s- ah, rude to talk with your- ah, mouth full?” He looks down at Kakarot’s watering eyes and holds him in place until he is a choking, sputtering mess.

When Vegeta finally releases him he expects Kakarot to be nothing short of gasping, irritated, and ready to give up on Vegeta for the day. He is gasping. But the expression on his face is far from irritated as he wipes his forearm across a satisfied smile. He then quickly, efficiently slurps back down on Vegeta’s cock until Vegeta is gripping the top of the headboard so hard it threatens to crack. 

Goku has to hold Vegeta’s legs still. He grips hard on the muscular underside of Vegeta’s thighs so Vegeta’s writhing toe curling anticipation of what is about to come doesn’t crush Goku’s face.

It hits hard, fast, and without warning. Vegeta shouts when he comes and Goku stays on him until Vegeta shoves him off, too sensitive to take any more.

“What the fuck...” he asks still catching his breath, “...was that?”

Goku laughs. “Was it good?”

“Good?” He shakes his head, while his heart stays pounding in his chest. “No.” He snorts at Kakarot’s frown. “It was fucking…” He exhales and falls back against the pillows. “I don’t know if there’s a word for it in this language.” 

“I thought it was…” Goku pauses thoughtfully and grins. “...fun.”

“Fun? _Fun?_ Yeah, Kakarot.” Vegeta laughs. “It was ‘fun’ alright.”

As Vegeta lays there silently reflecting on how it’s always the weird shy ones who end up being the wildest, he notices Kakarot’s incessant twitching has come back. He hasn’t noticed it happening much lately, not that he cares to notice anything about Kakarot, it is just impossible not to when he makes such a damn handsome spectacle of it.

His brows furrow as he thinks… it’s a little _different_ this time; Kakarot doesn’t look anxious. _He looks like he’s-_ Vegeta watches Goku shifts to try and alleviate some hidden tension _…in physical pain?_

And it hits. Vegeta presses his foot to Kakarot’s shoulder and shoves him back so he can confirm his suspicion.

“What was that for?” Goku catches himself on his palms with a betrayed look on his face.

“I knew it.” Vegeta looks down at Goku’s _still_ throbbing erection with a confident smirk.

Goku’s eyes widen in embarrassment as he starts to back away in an attempt to play down the obviously unattended matter between them, but Vegeta is too quick to let him get away.

Before Goku can get off the bed, Vegeta is crawling over him “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks lightly pressing his fingertip to the small wet stain of precum on Kakarot’s loose pants forcing a soft desperate sound out of Goku. “We’re only halfway done.”

“Y-you don’t have to-” Goku struggles weakly under him.

“You can’t deny yourself forever.” His bared smiling teeth promise nothing but devious intent as Kakarot involuntarily arches against him. “When was the last time you got off again? Two and a half years? Is that really true?”

Goku nods and his expression crinkles as he considers, “No, more. I think. I lost count. W-what day is it?”

“So you’re telling me…” he says slowly as he continues teasing his fingertips against the soft tented fabric. “...that all this time, even though you’ve been stalking me, watching me, wanting me… you haven’t gotten off _once_?”

Goku shakes his head and Vegeta can see the resistance leaking out of him faster by the second.

“Even after you drugged me, took me here, and got _me_ off, _me,_ the sex addict who’s supposed to be in _recovery_?” 

He shakes his head again.

Vegeta clicks his tongue and leans in close to watch Kakarot’s face as his body wrestles with his conscience. “Where’s the logic in that?”

“It’s- it’s not about-”

“Not about you, yes, I know, but maybe…” He runs his palm up Goku’s shaft and under his shirt. “Maybe it’ll be good for my _therapy_ , Kakarot,” he says, tongue in cheek.

“No, I don’t think-”

“Then why aren’t you stopping me?” he says with teeth at Kakarot’s ear and both hands now under Kakarot’s shirt looking for sensitive spots to tease into submission. He smirks as Kakarot answers with a moan and lets his head drop back. “I hope you know _I’m_ not going to stop this time. I’m not _distracted_.” 

Goku’s hands press against Vegeta’s chest, but not hard enough to push him away. “V-Vegeta-” he whines.

“You know… I think you _like_ pain. I can’t imagine how else you’ve been able to stand this day...” Vegeta tears the front of Kakarot’s pants open. “...after day...”

Goku looks down as Vegeta peels back his pants. “‘Cause it used to be worse t-to get off.” He sighs as he feels Vegeta’s warm breath against his skin. “But I know it’s not gonna be like that with you.”

Vegeta pauses with confusion. “What?”

“Because you’re different.” Goku attempts to lace his fingers through Vegeta’s neat straight spikes, but Vegeta stops him.

“What do you mean it used to be _worse_?”

“I-” Goku looks away. “Nothin’ I jus’ mean like, I always felt bad-”

Vegeta slowly pulls away with suspicious narrowed eyes. “...Why?”

Goku shifts uncomfortably under Vegeta’s hard stare and tries to pull him back. “It’s nothin’, Vegeta, really. I-” But Vegeta bats his hands away.

“No. It’s not ‘nothing.’ Why do you always feel _bad_ afterwards, Kakarot?” Vegeta asks, backing away fearing the worst. “Is it because you kill them? Are you going to finally kill me? Is that what it takes to get you off? Is that why you’ve been holding out? Is that-”

“No. no, no, no. it’s nothin’ like that- really, Vegeta, it’s not- that’s… that’s crazy!” He tries to reach out and reassure him, but Vegeta shies away.

“You’re a little crazy, Kakarot,” he says with a nervous laugh. 

“I-” His expression gives into honesty. “Maybe a little, but that’s not-”

“Then what is it? Why else would you feel _bad_ about it?” The concept is so foreign to Vegeta he can’t wrap his mind around it. “Are you sick? Is there something wrong with your body?”

“No-”

“Then what?” he badgers.

Goku sits back on his heels and struggles to put words to the idea currently torturing him. “I- It’s not-”

“What, Kakarot? What? If you’re not going to tell me then-”

“M-my wife!” he finally blurts out. “She would make me feel bad! She would call me names and insult me and- Even when I was just by myself, she never let me- she always came up with punishments when I did, and- and made me go to counselin’ and- ... even after she was gone I had trouble- I never- I couldn’t even get- ... I tried to jus’ focus on helpin’ other people. I thought maybe that would help, make me feel better, but it never worked. Until- ... until I met you.”

“Until you met me,” Vegeta repeats slowly as he relaxes a little and studies him. “Two years and… Kakarot, is that also… when you killed her?”

His face slowly glows red and he looks away. “That’s not- it wasn’t because- It’s not what you think. I didn’t-” He shifts awkwardly. “... _mean_ to. Get off. It just… happened.”

“Wow.” Vegeta raises a brow. "She really fucked you up, didn't she?" 

“What?”

“Your wife… She shamed you to the point of literal insanity,” he says edging back to where he had been sitting. “And you’re _still_ afraid of getting off?”

“I’m not afraid-”

“You are. You’re afraid she’s right, that you’re an addict and you should be ashamed of that.”

He stammers for a moment and blushes, “I-”

“But you’re not. I mean, the murders aside.” _We’ll cross that bridge another day._ Vegeta rolls his eyes. “You’re not a _sex_ addict at least. You’ve been… abstinent for two and a half fucking years. The fuck are you so scared of? She’s dead.” Goku opens his mouth but no response comes. “ _I_ sure as hell am not going to make you feel bad.”

“I know.” He smiles softly.

“Do you?”

Goku’s brows pinch together. “Yes. Of course.”

“I don’t believe you.” Vegeta’s lip curls with carnal interest. “Prove it to me.”

“What? How?”

Vegeta straddles him and places his hands on either side of Kakarot’s head before leaning in close with a suggestive smile. “I’m not going to touch you again until you… touch yourself.”

“But V-Vegeta-”

“I need this Kakarot. I need you to show me that you’re not ashamed. I need you to prove that horrible cunt doesn’t still have a hold on you.”

“What? But-” Goku tries to avoid Vegeta’s face, an impossible task when it’s so close. “That’s- she’s-” He laughs nervously. “I don’t wa-”  
  


“ _I_ want you to. This is for _me_.”

“I don’t underst-”

“Kakarot… I need to know that you haven’t been wasting my time here, that all my _progress_ isn’t going to be worthless.” He tilts his head as he watches Goku’s resolve crumble to pieces. “I’m not going to let you keep stringing me along with the promise of finally _finally_ fucking me once I’m _better_ only to fall through last minute because you’re afraid I’ll reprimand you for… God knows what that bitch had a problem with- you enjoying yourself, probably.”

“It’s not gonna be like that. I’m-”

“I couldn’t take the blow to my pride. All this healing. All this work. For nothing. ... I might just kill myself.” He sighs dramatically.

“I don’t want that,” Goku says softly.

“Then prove it.” He sits up and gestures to Kakarot’s undone pants.

“O-ok.” Goku reluctantly moves his hand to the base of his cock and slowly, clearly embarrassed, gives it a weak stroke. “L-like this?”

“If that’s how you like it.” He shrugs. 

He nods and grips a little harder, still with slow smooth strokes.

“Hn. That’s it.” 

Goku lets his mouth drop open and relaxes. “I forgot it could feel so good-” He looks back up at Vegeta and slows. “I- … Can you-“

“What? What do you need me to do?”

He hesitates and bites his lip before finally answering. “Can you… take your shirt off?” 

“Is that all you want me to do?”

Goku nods and Vegeta laughs to himself. “Sure, Kakarot. I can do that.” He flexes and makes a show of taking off his shirt before tossing it aside and resting his hands back on either side of Kakarot’s head. “Better?”

Goku doesn’t respond; he has already picked up the pace.

“You said I was the only man you’ve ever done this with. Why?” Vegeta prods curiously now that Kakarot is too preoccupied to have any defenses. “Are you in the closet or did you simply tire of awful women ruining your life?”

“I- I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I never… never liked a man before, but I never liked most women either. You walked in an’- ah-” He sighs. “I dunno. I saw you ‘n I knew.”

“Why did you follow me? Do you follow all your … all the ones before me?”

“Yes, but with you... It wasn’t just about learnin’ your routine to see what you were doin’ wrong. I really liked jus’... seein’ ya.”

“Hn. You liked watching me?”

“Yes,” he whispers.

“What did you like watching me do?”

“I- I dunno. Everythin’. Eat, sleep, work, run, you- ah, you run a lot.”

“Did you watch me…” He shamelessly emphasizes the last word, “...fuck?”

“Yes.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes.”

“And still ‘sober.’” Vegeta smiles slyly. “I’m impressed.”

“I- ah, I lied. I did. I did start to-” he admits breathlessly. “But I stopped ‘cause I got caught. Or maybe ‘cause- I dunno. Ah, I jus’ felt so- you were the first person who made me, ah- feel like that in so long-”

Vegeta tilts Kakarot’s chin up and runs his thumb along his bottom lip before pressing their mouths together. 

“I- I don’t know how much longer I can- ” he says tensely trying to hold back his impending orgasm. “Earlier already had me so close. I don’t think I can hold-”

“Then don’t,” Vegeta says against his neck. His nose traces up his skin until it grazes his ear. “Cum,” he demands. And that is all it takes. 

“F-fuck!” All of Goku’s pent up sexual desire releases onto his chest and abdomen and Vegeta is pretty sure Goku’s soul exits his body along with it for a split second.

“Feel better? You certainly look better.” He sneers as he throws Kakarot’s words back at him.

“Heh, yeah.”

“Hn. I could get used to that...” Vegeta runs his fingers through the sticky streams of proof running down his chest. “You saying my favorite word.” And dips them into his mouth.

“What?” 

“You cursed,” he says after sucking them clean. 

Goku laughs weakly as his heart finally slows down. “I did?”

“Yes.” 

“Sorr- er-”

“What?”

“Nothin’.” He smiles coyly.

  
“Tch.” Vegeta leans in with a pleased devilish look, almost close enough for their touch lips as he watches the last echoes of orgasm make Goku’s mouth waver. “I think you needed therapy more than I did.”


	16. Codependence

It is the first time Vegeta has laughed, really _laughed,_ since he can remember and he is trying his best to stifle it because the last thing he needs is Kakarot actually thinking Vegeta _enjoys_ his company and his terrible, really _terrible,_ jokes. He fails and gives Kakarot the rare satisfaction of seeing him break from his ill-tempered, ornery exterior. Kakarot laughs too as he swings the axe again; the axe Vegeta now suspects to be Kakarot’s weapon of choice, not for any particular reason other than Kakarot had actually _admitted it_.

He has learned a lot about Kakarot. Not just that he likes to swing axes and choke on everything he puts in his mouth, but real personal things about him too, like that he grew up here almost completely alone after his grandfather passed, and that he was actually quite an accomplished martial artist in his youth. Vegeta learned these things because he asked and he wonders when his morbid curiosity about his captor transformed into genuine interest.

He reclines against a tree and watches the sweat drip down Kakarot’s back as he thinks about the irony of all this. He thinks about how he has laughed more here in Kakarot’s imprisonment than he ever had in the city. Or anywhere he’s been. He briefly reflects on the fact that he hasn’t tried to escape for a while. He hasn’t tried to injure Kakarot for even longer. He has found himself instead preoccupied by indulging his criminally innocent abductor in everything _but_ sex. 

He wishes he could say it is because he has to, that he complies with ‘rehab’ and ‘therapy’ in order to save his life from being suddenly cut short by the hands of this insane murderer. But he can’t. He knows that’s not true.

You don’t lay in bed with your captor at three in the morning discussing forgotten childhood memories because they _make_ you. You don’t come up behind them when they’re making coffee and sink your teeth into the ticklish spot in their neck because it _hurts_ them _._ You don’t stand in the shower, just _showering,_ and entertain their questions about your scars because you’re _afraid_ of the way their fingers feel as they trace them.

He wishes he could say it is because he is an addict and he can’t function without sex or the closest thing to it he could get. But that’s not true either. Instant gratification, for the first time in his adult life, has become secondary to everything else.

Second are the heated glances before their skin touches intimately, to the small casual touches that never lead anywhere. Second are the whispered filthy utterings, to those quiet early morning conversations about nothing. Second is the lip-biting look of completion on Kakarot’s face, to his soft genuine smile when Vegeta finally acknowledged that yes, he makes _damn_ good coffee. 

Vegeta’s face gives back into his usual scowl as he asks himself… _when… did that happen?_

Kakarot looks back up at him with something funny to say. Vegeta snaps out of his brooding and cocks a brow, bracing himself for another terrible pun, but the remark never leaves Goku’s mouth. Something just past Vegeta catches his attention. Vegeta turns to see what it is and his eyes widen at the sight of a police car rolling up the gravel drive. He starts to get up, but Kakarot holds his hand out and gestures for him to stay where he is.

Vegeta’s heart begins pounding out of his chest as he remains where he is. Vegeta isn’t sure how good his chances of survival are if he rushes up and bangs his fists on the windows. He might just end up with two official witnesses to his sudden and gruesome death, but this was his chance at escape. All he had to do is find the opportunity to say, _He’s holding me hostage here! I’m trapped! He drugged and kidnapped me so he could make me realize how fucking miserable I wa- … .. ._

Vegeta pauses before doing something rash and pushes away the fleeting thought that seriousness looks strange on Kakarot’s face as he watches Kakarot sling the axe over his shoulder.

“Officer Krillin… Hey…” Goku says with a forced smile as two officers step out of the car.

“Hey Goku.” Krillin takes off his eight-point and fans himself with it.

“What brings ya over this way? … Again,” Goku adds quietly.

“You know, the usual… just wanted to check-in on ya, see how you’re doin’... Why don’t you set that down. Me and my partner here just have a couple questions for you, then we’ll be on our way.”

Goku nods and reluctantly sets the axe down before approaching. “Is this about Chi-Chi? I haven’t heard from her still, if that’s why yer- you coulda jus’ called if this is about... her.”

“No. It’s not about Chi-Chi, it’s about...” Krillin’s words drop off. Goku shifts and leans slightly to try and block Krillin’s view, but Vegeta has already been noticed. “Who’s your friend?”

Goku looks back at Vegeta with a weak smile. “Oh, that’s jus’-”

“Can I talk to him too?”

“...About what?”

“Hey, sir, you mind comin’ over here?”

Vegeta stands and walks over as Krillin carefully assesses his dark bare minimum attire. “I don’t believe it. Vegeta, right? Is that your name?” 

He exchanges anxious glances with Kakarot before responding. “Yes.”

“Case solved!”

“E-excuse me?”

“You’re-” Krillin’s brows furrow. “I want you to come over here and see something,” he says walking back toward the squad car. Vegeta hesitates before following him. He waits as Krillin taps on the computer and after a few moments the officer finally turns the screen and points to a missing persons report. “Look familiar?”

Vegeta’s mouth drops open slightly as he stares at the dated picture of himself. He hardly recognizes the hollow sullen expression glaring back at him. His eyes briefly trace over his tanner, stockier, more defined reflection in the door mirror. There is something else there too, but he isn’t sure what it is. He avoids looking at the report again before asking, “Who filed this?”

“Huge guy, bald-” Krillin snaps his fingers a few times. “What was his name-”

“Nappa?”

“Nappa! That’s it. Your former employer. Family connection too, I’m assuming?” Vegeta half nods. “He was real worried. Said you two had an argument a while back and he hadn’t seen you since. Seemed fairly certain you might’ve hurt yourself. You doin’ alright?”

Vegeta’s mouth opens to finally explain that _No. I am not alright_ because Kakarot stalked him, _to try and get to know me better,_ drugged him _, which I actually got a decent night’s sleep from,_ and is now keeping him captive here, _arguably for my own good_ , as his personal sex sl-… _wait._

He tries to hide the flush of embarrassment creeping up his neck as he silently acknowledges _no, that part of my ‘stay’ here has been consensual._ More than consensual. He wonders if he’ll have to put that in a statement, that _he_ initiates most of their now many _intimate_ moments. Suddenly he doesn’t want to talk to a police officer at all about the nature of his relationship with Kakarot. He doesn’t want to talk to _anyone_ about it. “I’m... fine.” Vegeta eyes Krillin warily. “I just-”

“Oh yeah? ‘Cause your phone line’s been disconnected. And then when we, uh, checked in with your landlord we found out your rent was a couple months behind.”

“Months?!” He tries to suppress his shock as he looks around and remembers that yes, the land wasn’t this green when he got here.

“Yeah.” Krillin studies him for a moment before turning the screen away and asking, “How long you, uh, been stayin’ here? With Goku?” 

“A couple… months,” he says with lingering disbelief.

“Hm. So how did you and Goku meet? He been a friend of yours long?”

Vegeta’s gaze flicks toward Goku, who is now letting his peculiar ticks do all the talking as the other officer tries to pry information out of him as well.

“Don’t think the answers to the questions I’m gonna ask ya are over there.” 

“We met in a… support group,” he mutters quietly.

Krillin tilts his head curiously. “Support group? For what?” 

Vegeta shifts and silence persists. Krillin shoots him a troubled look before glancing back at the report on his screen. “Are you feelin’ ok? You been drinkin’ at all?”

“No, I’m- … I’m sober,” he says trying to hide the sudden inkling of pride hidden within that statement.

Krillin nods doubtfully. “Can you tell me… what day it is?”

Vegeta stammers because he’s not sure he’d be able to give a very reliable answer even if he wasn’t here. He kept track of people, not time. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothin’. Can you… tell me the address of your current residence?”

“Of... here?”

“Sure, if this is where you’re stayin’.”

Vegeta looks around for any indication, but finds none. “Why? Did you get lost in your own backwater town?” he snaps snidely. “Need directions back to the station?” 

“No…”

Vegeta scoffs. “I’ll admit, the lack of civilization does make your _village_ difficult to navigate.”

Krillin narrows his eyes in distaste. “You’re a looong way from the city, Vegeta. You know that?”

“Yes. That’s the point. Of coming here. To get… away.”

“Mm… hm. And where is… _here_?”

“What?”

“I’ll give you my gun if you can tell me the name of this ‘backwater’ town.”

“I-” Vegeta’s tenseness drops. “It’s- ….” He looks at the patrol car for a hint, but there is nothing except for ‘State Trooper’ in large reflective letters.

“That’s what I thought.” Krillin rolls his eyes. “You wanna come down the station with us, Vegeta? Give your, uh... give Nappa a call? Tell him to come get ya?” 

Vegeta crosses his arms. _I will never give that oaf the satisfaction of being right._ “Not particularly. No.” 

“Ok… Then do you mind if we contact him on your behalf? At least let him know you’re ok?”

He shrugs and quietly admits, “I would prefer that you did not tell him the specifics of my... circumstances.”

“...Any special reason for that?” Krillin prods carefully.

“I- … Am I fucking suspect for something?” Vegeta cuts defensively.

“Not… No.”

“Then why are you asking me all this? It’s not your-”

“You were missing. I just wanna make sure you’re ok.”

“Well, as you can see-” He gestures to himself. “I’m perfectly ok.”

“Are ya? What’s all this about?” Krillin gestures to his neck. “You have some pretty nasty chafing around that… collar, you know that? Some exposed… wiring, too.” He points to the areas where Vegeta has tried to cut it. 

_It’s the electric collar Kakarot uses to keep me here. Because he knows if I leave I’ll just ruin my fucking life again-_ “It’s just…” He shifts uncomfortably. “A personal thing.” 

“Personal thing?” Krillin raises a brow.

“I- … He…” Vegeta’s eyes dart towards Goku and he tries to blame the sudden flush in his face on the sun. _What the hell am I protecting by saying this!? My dignity? Or that idiot’s stupid life? Fuck!_ “...likes it.” 

“Oh…” Krillin takes a step back with a suddenly understanding expression and looks curiously at Goku. “Right… Okay then… that’s- yeah, no need to explain any further.” Krillin avoids looking at Vegeta again as he taps on the computer. “A’right... Well, we can, uh, pull this from the system no problem. Thanks for cooperating,” he says with an uncomfortable laugh. “Like I said, just wanted to ask some questions. Glad to see you’re alright, Vegeta. You make sure you give your boss a call though, alright?”

Vegeta nods as Krillin signals to the other cop who reluctantly steps away from a clearly agitated Goku. “Have a nice afternoon.” 

Vegeta watches the car pull away and drive back out the way they came with a strange empty feeling and doesn’t startle when he feels Kakarot come up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist.

Vegeta can feel that the smile has returned to Goku’s face as he buries his face into Vegeta’s shoulder. “You coulda turned me in! But you didn’t!”

“And then what?” Vegeta turns in Goku’s loose embrace to face him. “I would have had nowhere to stay. My apartment has probably already been re-leased. Who knows what Nappa did with my stuff.” He huffs softly.

“I was wonderin’ about that. I thought you said your family was dead.” He smiles down curiously at Vegeta for a moment. “I thought you didn’t have anyone. Jus’ like me.” 

“I... don’t,” Vegeta says after a moment of silent reflection. “He filed that report as a duty to my dead parents, not for me.”

Goku hums as he brushes his thumb across Vegeta’s bottom lip. “I feel like I can really trust you now, Vegeta… I think you’re ready for the next step.”

  
  


***

“Man, fuck that guy. Third missing persons report that’s brought us here. First his wife, then that pretty blond chick, now this guy? Somethin’ ain’t right.”

Krillin rolls eyes. “Tell me you did not question him about his wife _again_.” 

“‘Course I did-”

“That case has been resolved!”

“Tell me how ‘still missing’ is ‘resolved.’”

“You an’ the whole damn department are on a witch hunt with him that I’ll never understand.”

“We gotta get a warrant on him.”

“A warrant for what? Being a good neighbor? He’s the only guy in this neck of the woods we aren’t regularly throwing in the tank for drunk and disorderly or negligent discharge of a firearm.”

“Oh come _on,_ Krillin! It’s an act! The guy killed his wife. You know it. I know it. He knows it. Now we even know why!”

“Why?”

“‘Cause he’s a closet fag-”

Krillin smacks the other in the chest. “He did not kill his wife.”

“He ain’t your childhood friend anymore. Why’re you fallin’ all over your damn sword protectin’ him?”

“I’m not protecting him! The evidence didn’t show a damn thing. House was clean, no indication of struggle. Bitch probably ran off with her therapist like he said. You didn’t know her, I did. He was never the same after he married her. She didn’t let him have friends, she didn’t let him go out; she was crazy.”

“Yeah, well, I do know he had plenty of time to clean up and make it _look_ like that was the case. He wasn’t even the one to file the report. Her father was, almost a week later.”

“Parents file before spouses all the time.”

“Name one time where the spouse didn’t file first and also- wait, ALSO-” He holds up an accusatory finger. “Didn’t end up being the murderer.” Krillin sighs. “A week. She’d been gone a _week._ And you know what? For how dumb everyone always says he is, the guy knows a whole lot about how to talk to cops.”

“Maybe that’s because he used to be pretty good friends with one before he ran off and married a crazy whore. She fucked half the town without him ever knowing. I still don’t think he knows.”

The other officer sucks his teeth at Krillin’s remark. “Sounds a whole like you’re givin’ him motive. He even asked me if he was bein’ detained. And then he got real fuckin’ defensive and asked if you were detaining his fuckin’ boyfriend and- Look, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna let us on the property next time without a warrant. Chase us off with that damn axe. Probably how he killed his wife. That axe is probable cause-”

“It is not probable cause. He was chopping wood. Maybe if you were nicer to him and didn’t keep accusing him of a crime you can’t prove he did, he’d be more cooperative.’” He rolls his eyes, “‘Sides, Goku doesn't have it in him to kill someone. Trust me. He never did anything wrong in his life. Except I guess he’s into… guys now or somethin’.” Krillin frowns.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waves him off. “Whatever. She ain’t even legally dead yet and now he’s got some new ABCD boytoy to keep him company? He killed her.”

Kirllin squints in confusion. “A, b, c, d?”

“Yeah, didn’t you see the collar? It’s like, a sex thing. Or something. With like, tyin’ people up and gimp suits and- haven’t you ever seen Pulp Fiction? You know the scene where-”

“...You mean BDSM?” 

“Yeah, probably.”

Krillin exhales in vague annoyance as he shakes his head at the other officer.

“Bet they’re into some weird deviant shit.”

Krillin shrugs. “That ain’t against the law. … I think.”

“It should be.”

“They aren’t botherin’ anyone.”

“For now. I still can’t believe he was here. Thought for sure he was gonna be ‘still missing’ too.” 

“Yeah…” Krillin rubs his chin and frowns. “Somethin’ about him didn’t sit right with me.”

“Was he psycho too or something?”

“He was… kind of a dick, honestly. And I think he mighta been a drug addict, but I couldn’t figure out what the heck was goin’ on with that. Didn’t have track marks, didn’t smell like alcohol. Took too good care of himself to be anything else.”

“Coke?”

“Maybe. Hm. He was a little jumpy.” 

“I’d ask why ya didn’t search him, but… he wasn’t wearin’ a lot of clothing. Probably would’ve liked it.” The other officer chuffs with slight disgust. “Why do you think he was on something?”

“Because... he didn’t seem to know where he was, or what day it was, or… anything. He seemed... disoriented. But he was totally coherent. That’s the strange part. He spoke clearly enough to insult our town.” He snorts.

The other officer tosses Krillin a worried glance. “Sounds like we should’ve taken him in, Krillin. What if he's a danger?”

“I asked him if he wanted to come down to the station and he said no. I can’t _make_ him go in. He’s not committing any crimes.” He sighs heavily.

“That we know of. Should’ve asked him about the last missing person case the city threw at us because your friend popped up as a ‘last seen with.’”

“That blonde girl was cute in the pictures,” Krillin says with a thoughtful smile. “I wonder whatever happened to her.”

“Bet Goku _doesn’t-answer-without-a-lawyer-present_ Son knows,” the other officer mutters under his breath. “They found her brother though.”

“Oh yeah?”

“OD’d. I’m not convinced though. Somethin’ seemed off about the whole thing. He probably killed him too.”

Krillin scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Of course he did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept imagining the other cop as Yamcha, but his identity was never important enough to me to bother clarifying.


	17. Trust

“No.”

“But, Vegeta,” he whines. “It doesn’t work if you don’t wear it.”

“Why? Why won’t it work?” He smacks Goku’s offending hand, and the object in it, away.

“Because! It’s a  _ trust _ exercise. If you can see where you’re goin’ then you’re not  _ trustin’ _ me to lead ya."

“It's not like there’s anywhere within bounds that I haven’t been, so how does me being able to see or not affect anything?”

Goku frowns and pouts, determined to win by attrition of patience, of which they both know Vegeta has little. It takes a record-breaking eight seconds before Vegeta sighs heavily and closes his eyes, allowing Goku to wrap the cloth around his head. 

“Can ya see anything?”

“No.”

Goku cocks his fist. “Promise?”

Vegeta responds with an irritated click of his tongue and exaggerates looking around for a few moments before settling back in the direction of Goku’s voice. “Yes.”

Goku throws his fist, but it never lands. It stops just centimeters from Vegeta’s nose. There is no reaction, no flinch, no shift in Vegeta’s posture. Goku smiles and lowers his hand. “I believe ya.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I’m not really sure if yer s’posed to,” he says, resting his hands lightly on Vegeta’s shoulders. “Trust is hard. Especially when it’s been broken before. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna let ya trip ‘n fall or anything. Ready?”

“...Sure…”

“Ok.” Goku turns Vegeta around several times.

“What- what the hell-” Vegeta stops and backs away. He bumps into a wall and tries to get his bearings. “The fuck are you-”

“Trust me.” Goku’s hands quickly find him again and press against his back urging him to start walking, which Vegeta reluctantly does.

“Where are we going?”

“Forward.”

They go straight, then turn, then a few more steps straight, then turn again and Vegeta stumbles. Goku catches him and Vegeta stops. Goku presses on him until he starts walking again. “Trust me. I’m not gonna let you fall.”

“Kakarot…” he grumbles as his feet slide hesitantly across the wood flooring.

They stop again and Vegeta feels Kakarot’s fingers tapping on his biceps. “Put yer hand out in fronta ya.”

“Why? What’s there?” Vegeta tries to back up and he feels Goku’s fingers press a little harder to keep him from going anywhere. 

Goku sighs behind him. “You gotta trust me, Vegeta. It’s not anythin’ bad.”

Vegeta throws his hand out forcefully and smacks a hard piece of metal with his fingers. “Ow! F-” He scowls and grabs the doorknob. “Now what?”

“Open it.”

Vegeta thinks for a moment and retraces the route in his mind.  _ The… front door?  _ Vegeta opens the door and Kakarot’s palms rest on his shoulders to guide him through the doorway and outside.

“Where are we going?” Vegeta asks warily as he feels gravel turn to grass under his bare feet.

“It wouldn’t be much of a trust exercise if I told ya that, now would it?” Goku laughs softly and encourages Vegeta to keep going with a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.

Vegeta doesn’t ask any more questions as they walk, and they walk for a long time. He’s not sure what time it was when they left, but now he can feel the bright afternoon sun peeking between the tree branches on his skin.

He tries to figure out where they are going, but whenever he thinks they may be getting close to a place he recognizes, they keep walking. He knows the boundaries aren’t this big; they should have run into them quite a while ago no matter what direction they are going.

“Are we… going in circles?” he asks as his feet cross familiar ground for the third time.

“You’ve gotten to know my land pretty well, huh? Do ya know where ya are?”

“I- … Is that a yes?” Vegeta stops and refuses to move despite Goku’s urging. “Why are we going in cir-”

“Jus’ trust me.”

“No. Where are we going?” Vegeta wonders if this is finally it, if Goku has finally snapped, if his time here  _ alive _ is up.

“We’re going just a little further,” Goku sing-songs as he playfully tugs Vegeta’s wrist in the direction he wants him to walk. 

“A little further to what?” Vegeta yanks his hand away and steps backward. “Where are you taking me? To my grave?” 

“Of course not, Vegeta.  _ Trust me _ .”

“Why the fuck-” he laughs anxiously, “would I trust someone who’s leading me around in circles blindfolded!? Where the fuck-” He begins to pull on the cloth wrapped tightly around his head and stiffens when he feels Goku mouth on his. Goku uses just enough tongue to keep Vegeta distracted while he slowly guides his hands away from the blindfold. 

“You know where you are. Trust me. Listen.” Goku turns him around and holds his shoulders. “Listen.”

It is hard to hear over the obstinate pride thumping loudly in his chest telling him that just because he has spent the last few months here learning, with Kakarot’s help, how to become a better version of himself doesn’t mean he has forgotten how he got here in the first place. Just because he has shared things with Kakarot that he has never shared with anyone else doesn’t mean he actually  _ cares _ about him, and it certainly doesn’t mean he  _ trusts _ him. “I don’t… hear anything.” 

“Nothin’? At all?” 

“I hear... you?”

“And…?”

“And…wind? I don’t know. Birds?”

“Anythin’ else?” Goku encourages.

“I- What am I supposed to be hearing? Voices? They happen to be particularly quiet today, Kakarot, but I’m sure I can muster up the very same murder-whispers you seem to suffer from if you keep pushing me around in a blindfold toward my impending death.” He crosses his arms.

“Vegeta…” 

He sighs and tilts his head as he listens carefully to the world swirling around him. “I hear… water?”

“Yes! And?”

Vegeta’s brow furrows and he turns slightly toward weeping branches brushing gently against the ground in the breeze. He reaches out and touches some of the leaves. “I know ... where I am,” he says, dumbfounded by the realization. “Why did you bring me here?”

“We’re not quite there yet…” Goku takes Vegeta’s hand and begins to lead him toward the sound of moving water. “I want you to keep going jus’ a little further.”

“Kakarot…” Vegeta says with hesitant dragging feet. “This is very close to the boundary.” 

“I know.”

“Kakarot,” he warns more urgently as he tries to pull his hand away. “Despite what you may think from my repeated attempts at escape, I do  _ not  _ enjoy the sensation of being electrocuted-”

"Yer not gonna get shocked. Trust me-"

"Yes, I am. I am-" Vegeta shoves Kakarot back.

“Stop. Stop, Vegeta. Yer not-” Goku struggles with him for a moment, but Vegeta succeeds in freeing himself and stumbles back as he attempts to take the blindfold off. He braces for pain and electrocution as he trips and slips in the direction of the river. He sweats and tenses and panics as his feet, followed shortly by the rest of him, meet cool shallow water. He scrambles out of the river as fast as he can, but it doesn't matter. The shock never comes. By the time he stands up, soaking wet, and regains his bearings the realization has sunk in.

“You… turned it off.”

"Shoulda jus' trusted me." Vegeta can almost hear the shit-eating  _ told-ya-so  _ grin plastered on Kakarot's face as he swishes around in the water behind him. “I thought maybe you’d like it. The river.” The swishing pauses and Vegeta reaches to pull off the blindfold, but before he can Vegeta feels Kakarot’s hands gently pulling his away. “No, no. Wait,” Goku says softly. “Not yet.”

“Afraid that if I can see I’ll run away?” 

Goku chuckles and shyly admits, “A little.”

Vegeta smirks. “Don’t you trust me?” 

“Of course. But...”

“But?” There is a long tense quiet before Vegeta feels Kakarot’s shaky breath against the back of his neck. Vegeta turns to face him, but a steady hand brushes his shoulder and squeeze lightly at the muscles there, halting him. 

“Trust is hard. Isn’t it?” He lets out a quiet anxious huff of laughter. “Especially when it’s been broken before.”

His nervous tone sets Vegeta on edge. “Kakarot…” he asks slowly, “Why are we here?”

“No- no reason, really. I jus’ thought, since you never got to go to the river, it would be kinda fun to take ya here. 'Fore I do this.”

“Do… what?”

“I think it's important. That I do it. I think it shows... trust.”

“ _ What  _ shows trust?”

“Don’t move.” Goku wedges his fingers between the collar and Vegeta’s neck, pulling it taut so there is room for something else, something cold and metallic. “Relax, Vegeta. You have to trust me this time or I could really hurt ya. ‘N I don’t wanna hurt ya.”

Vegeta’s not sure he’d call slightly relaxing his posture in Kakarot’s hands  _ trust _ per se, but the last two times he didn't listen he bruised his hand on the doorknob and slipped into a river. He thinks it might be a little wiser to finally temper his acceptance of death. Because that has to be what this is. It was only a matter of time. He doesn’t  _ want  _ to be murdered unceremoniously in a river, of course, but this wasn’t the worst way to go either. _ At least he doesn’t want to torture me _ .

Vegeta always imagined himself going down fighting, or at least kicking and screaming in some last-ditch effort, some final violent, desperate vie for survival. But now that the moment is here the only thought he has in his head is the silent disappointment that it isn’t going to be a little more  _ personal,  _ a little more  _ intimate,  _ because despite everything, he feels like he’s  _ earned  _ that from Kakarot.

Vegeta remains stationary in the dark, listening to the sounds of the forest so he doesn’t think about the cold metal pressed against the back of his neck. He inhales deeply, calmly as he waits for the-

**Snap-crunch-pop!**

The relief following the release of tension around his neck is so immediate he almost drops to his knees. Kakarot catches him and turns him around. He takes Vegeta’s hand and presses the leather and metal strap that had kept him bound into his palm. 

“You… can take the blindfold off now. If ya want.”

Vegeta wastes no time in pulling the cloth down. He rubs his eyes for a moment as they adjust to the bright sunlight reflecting in the swirling waters around him before looking up curiously at Goku’s somber, despite perpetually smiling face.

Vegeta furrows his brows and looks down at the collar. “I don’t understand. You’re… letting me go? … But we didn’t even-”

“I know.” Goku looks away with a blush. “I know, and trust me-” He laughs a little. “I really wanna! So… so much. I want ya to stay an’ be with me an’ never leave. Ever,” he confesses softly as his fingers press slightly into Vegeta’s shoulders. “But… the only way to really know if this has been workin’ is… to trust you... with freedom. You said you know where you are, so I trust... that you can find your way back. … If ya want,” he reassures. “Otherwise, if you follow the river for about… two and a half miles it’ll take you into town.”

“And… if I leave? If I attempt to return to some sense of the life I had before … you?”

“Is that... really what you wanna do? Try ‘n go back to yer life before?”

Vegeta said it because it seemed like the natural conclusion, like the sane thing to do; leave, recover, forget, go back to normal. Vegeta’s mouth opens, but no sound comes as his mind struggles to cope with how much the idea of returning to ‘normal’ suddenly disgusts him.

He tries to push away the uncomfortable question of whether or not he is even capable of returning to ‘normal,’ or  _ worse! _ if it is the  _ only _ thing he is capable of after sharing nearly every waking moment of his life for the last several months here with Kakarot. Suddenly it makes him feel empty knowing that if he leaves Kakarot isn’t going to be there. None of this… will be there. He will be alone again.  _...Won’t I? _

Vegeta studies Goku carefully before asking, “Are you going to try and find me again? If I don’t come back?” 

“Gosh, I-” Goku stammers and rubs the back of his neck as he avoids Vegeta’s hard stare. “I dunno. I’ve never… never gotten this far with anyone. I dunno what I would do.”

“You should probably leave me alone. If I don’t come back.”

“Yeah,” he admits. “I probably should…”

“Are you?” Vegeta presses for an answer he isn’t sure he wants to hear.

Goku avoids the question with another question. “Can I- … Can I have one last thing? Jus’- just in case?”

Vegeta cocks a brow. “What?”

“I, um,” Goku’s eyes flick bashfully away. “Really wanna… kiss ya.”

“Is that all?”

Goku nods eagerly. Vegeta smirks and eyes him up and down before acquiescing with a dramatic sigh. “Of course it is.” 

He draws Goku down to him and it is filled with all of the hot, shocking electricity he was denied as he walked past the boundaries. It sparks him in a way nothing has ever sparked him even though it isn’t driven by sex, or completion, or the promising elated high that accompanies _edging_ _closer._ It just is. A small and simple gesture of abstinent intimacy. And it feels good. It feels… like enough. His sharp teeth find Goku’s bottom lip and bite down lightly until he gasps softly into Vegeta’s mouth and pulls away.

“Had to make it count,” he teases. He looks away from Goku’s blushing, wanting face because he really doesn’t want anything else, but it is  _ damn _ hard to stay disciplined when Goku looks like that. Vegeta watches the leaves and fish drift past his feet for a moment before finally asking, “Well? … Are you going to let me make my life choices in peace? Or are you going to knock me unconscious as soon as I face a direction you don’t like?”

Goku inhales deeply and his brows remain crinkled as he reflects silently on his answer. He nods and reluctantly lets go of Vegeta. He takes a few apprehensive steps back before turning around and walking away.

  
  


***

  
  


Goku forces himself to keep walking away even though that is not at all what he wants to do. He wants to stay with Vegeta. Forever. _And ever._ But he trusts that Vegeta is going to come back. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But he will come back. So Goku is not going to turn around, and he is not going to follow him. He  _ trusts _ Vegeta. He wouldn’t have turned off the fence and cut the collar if he didn’t. Goku wouldn’t have done any of this if he didn’t trust him. 

Even in the beginning when he started following Vegeta, Goku didn’t do it because he didn’t  _ trust _ Vegeta. It was the opposite! Vegeta accused him of  _ stalking _ but he wasn’t! It wasn’t anything like when he followed the others. He had followed them to make sure they were sticking to the program like they said, and they never were. He followed Vegeta because he just  _ liked  _ Vegeta, wanted to be near him. He was just  _ different  _ and so  _ interesting  _ even if keeping up with him was at times tiring. 

Goku smiles as he thinks about how he discovered just how exhausting following Vegeta could be. It was as if Vegeta had been trying to sweat away his addiction that first week he had agreed to his challenges. He doesn’t know how Vegeta could stand that kind of torture on his body. For every toxin Vegeta sweat out, he probably breathed in at least ten more with all the smog and pollution. Being here had been so good for Vegeta, Goku sighs.

He catches himself circling back and quietly chides himself for it before turning around back toward the house. Goku trusts Vegeta. He knows Vegeta isn’t in any danger. There is no reason to follow him. Vegeta is not going to get lost. He said he knew where he was. Besides, if Vegeta could figure out the complicated city blocks while inebriated, then he could figure out the winding riverbanks sober. 

Goku smiles to himself. He liked following Vegeta home from the bar when he’d had a few drinks. He had this slight sway in his step that could almost be mistaken for carefree. And he often forgot to lock the door. He slept heavier too when he’d been drinking. Goku could get so close _. _

But never close enough. Here they got  _ closer _ . It took time. Vegeta’s guard was always high at first. He was always alert, always suspicious. But he relaxed more and more until eventually Goku started catching those rare moments of ease on Vegeta’s face again. The ones he only has when he thinks no one’s around. Except now they happened sometimes even when he  _ did  _ know Goku was there. Goku hums happily. He  _ loved  _ those moments. Yes, bringing Vegeta here was the best thing he ever did. For both of them.

He stops for a moment and looks around. He had accidentally started wandering back to the river again. He is sweating now as he looks down at his shaking hands. He clenches and unclenches his fists. It is like he is  _ drawn  _ to Vegeta, like he can’t  _ quit _ Vegeta. 

He doesn’t mind that part so much, but trust is a two-way street and if Vegeta catches Goku this close to him, then he will think Goku is following him. And if he thinks Goku is following him, now, then he will think Goku doesn’t trust him and if Vegeta thinks that, then everything he has worked to build will crumble. He  _ does _ trust Vegeta and he  _ needs _ Vegeta to trust him too. It is difficult, but Goku forces himself to once again turn back around.

His shoulders are slumped and he feels uncomfortable itchy chills running all over his body as he meanders back toward his humble home. Goku looks up from the ground and exhales with the despair of a broken heart as he finally reaches it. Alone.

Despair quickly turns to alarm when he notices the car parked in his gravel drive. As he walks up to it his mood, which was already down, darkens because he realizes he knows this car. This is a small town; he knows almost every car, but especially the ones belonging to nosy police officers who harass him about his  _ still-missing _ wife. Goku  _ really _ did not have the patience to deal with that today.

He looks in the vehicle’s windows and doesn’t see anyone or anything inside. His heart pounds with adrenaline as he walks up to his house.  _ Still locked _ . He circles around the small residence and looks for open windows, but everything is as it was when he left this morning. 

He carefully, quietly searches his home, room by room, with both hands comfortably, securely around the handle of an axe, but it is empty. He relaxes and rubs the back of his neck wondering where the officer might have gone. He looks out the window; it is almost dark. He wonders when it got so late, if it really took him that long to walk back. There is a knock on the door. His heart thuds and his grip tightens as he goes to answer it.

The sight that greets him makes him inhale sharply and drop the axe.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving rehab is, often, just as hard as going.


	18. Decisions... decisions...

Vegeta huffs as he stares at his wavering reflection in the river. He should leave now. He should have left a long time ago. The sun is beginning to dip below the trees and _I shouldn’t still_ _fucking BE here!_

He has tried to convince himself that this is some sort of trick, that Kakarot is still nearby and will show himself and somehow the collar he is holding in his hand is still around his neck. But Kakarot is nowhere to be seen. And the leather strap remains in his palm. He doesn’t know why that disappoints him, but it does. He finally gets up and he looks down the river bank toward “freedom.” He looks back in the direction of Kakarot’s house and he hates himself for even considering it, for _more_ than considering it.

And then it occurs to Vegeta that maybe Kakarot was right when he said you never really get _better_ from addiction. Because he does _want_ to go back. He _wants_ to obtain the thing he had been after so badly in the first place. _How the fuck did I even make it this long with out fucking him-_

Because blowjobs and handjobs and surprise slides of tongue in the early morning that never lasted long enough were _good,_ but they didn’t quite scratch that _itch._ Kakarot’s uniquely pleasant take on torture (because it was torture to someone like Vegeta) forced Vegeta to learn how to find satisfaction in other things; in things that weren’t sex, or, not _quite_ sex. 

Sometimes, but not all the time, he succeeded. It happened just often enough to keep him going. It took time, but Vegeta slowly came to the conclusion there _is_ something indescribably … _nice..._ about waking up to someone familiar, breathing in the pleasant scent along their neck and shoulders before they wake, or feeling their fingers trail slowly up your spine making you shiver. Hot blurry anonymous sex isn’t the only way to feel the tingling rush of dopamine. It wasn’t even the best way, apparently, because that rush he had been addicted to before never felt as strong or lasted as long as the one he got with Kakarot.

Still, despite all their shared highs together, Vegeta can’t help but want more. 

He sulks as he asks himself if this is a test, some final brutal trial to see if addiction has finally become, at the very least, manageable. His scowl deepens because if it is, he doesn’t know what the right answer is to show that _yes,_ it has. _Hasn’t it?_ It must be, because here he was contemplating the ‘right’ thing to do. He’s not sure he’s ever cared to do that before.

He grumbles and sighs and tenses his hands as he tries to figure out if he should go into town and try to pick up the ruins that used to be his pathetic life, now with the added difficulty of healthy- _er_ habits? _Is that ‘healing?’_ Or… if he should go back to Kakarot, where things would be _easy_ , where he could have what he wanted, _needed,_ in a “safe,” “secure,” “controlled environment,” where he wouldn’t lose control. Couldn’t. Because Kakarot won’t let him.

_Except…_ He looks down at the collar. _I can._ Kakarot just trusted him not to.

When he finally stops and looks up from the ground he had been so focused on not paying attention to, he finds that his feet have carried him some ways away from the river, but not back to the house. It takes him a few moments of half-panicked turns to figure out where he is.

He groans with embarrassment when he realizes where he has wandered. “Stupid fuckin’ subconscious- bullshit-” he mutters to himself as he crosses his arms and leans against the tree whose roots were responsible for tripping him into kissing Kakarot _and nothing else_. Because, of course, it was the tree’s fault that happened.

He watches the sky begin to change colors as the sun sinks below the mountains and he thinks maybe it’s not the end of the world that he wandered over this way because if he leaves he might never see this sight again and it was breathtaking. Every time. It never ceased to amaze him and he hates that he is only just now realizing the view is better with company. He sighs as he contemplates his next action. 

Relief floods him when he spots a dark haired figure a little ways off, further than the collar would have ever let him go. “Kakarot.” He walks toward him. “What kind of game are you pl-...”

His crooked smile drops immediately when he sees that he is not talking to Goku. “Who- …” He stares at the kneeling man studying the soft ground. It takes him a moment to place the rugged, attractive face out of uniform, but he is sure it is the same officer from yesterday, the one who talked to Kakarot, _no,_ the one who _bothered_ Kakarot. “Officer…?”

The man startles and looks up. He quickly wipes the dirt from his palms on his pants as he stands. “Yamcha. Officer- yeah, I was just-” He vaguely gestures to nothing in particular. 

“Just what? What… are you doing here?” 

Uncomfortable silence stretches between them before Yamcha fills it with a short awkward laugh. “Vegeta… Right?” Vegeta nods. “Are you… ok?”

“That depends. What are you doing here?” he asks again.

Yamcha stammers and Vegeta notices he is unarmed and _very_ alone. Vegeta also has the passing thought that Yamcha looks like the repressed type who is just one bad breakup, two harsh rejections, and three stiff drinks away from saying, ‘I’m not gay, but-’ just before letting Vegeta do just about anything to him. And then of course waking up the next morning, pretending not to remember anything, and asking Vegeta the age-old rhetorical, ‘what the _fuck_ are you doing in my bed, _faggot.’_

“Tch.” ... _If I had a fucking nickel-_ “Are you here to... test me?” he asks with suspicious narrowed eyes.

“Test? What test? No, I’m not- I- uh, I just came to check on…”

“On what?”

“Uh, well, you know, missing persons an’ all- I just had some more questions about-”

“About what?” he presses.

“About…” 

Vegeta leans closer to him, interested in what his pretty little head will conjure up in order to justify his uninvited presence. The officer closes his mouth with a weak smile and doesn’t finish because at that moment Yamcha decides whatever it is he thinks is going on, Vegeta has _something_ to do with it. Vegeta can see it on his face, Yamcha doesn’t trust him. 

_He is right. He shouldn’t._ I _don’t even trust myself._

“I’m sure I’m capable of answering any lingering concerns you might have about me.” Vegeta looks him up and down before stepping in a little closer. “Unless… you don’t really have any _questions_ for me."

“Uh, well I definitely don’t have anything else for you.” Yamcha rushes out defensively as he backs up.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t offering. I’m in…” Vegeta takes a moment of reflection, “...recovery.” 

“Recovery from… what?” 

Instead of answering, Vegeta tilts his head and continues to study Yamcha’s failing confidence.

“I think-” Yamcha puts his hands up and takes another step back. “This is all just… a little misunderstanding. Is- Is Goku around?”

Vegeta honestly isn’t sure and lets his gaze roam curiously before meeting Yamcha’s shifting eyes. “He might be. But if you were looking for him, you should have gone to the house instead of wandering all... the way... out... here...” he says, circling the nervous officer.

“Right… Well, I did and he didn’t answer. So I thought-”

“Thought that you would just use the opportunity of his absence to trespass on private property?”

The officer turns and his eyes search the treeline warily. Vegeta can practically smell the sweat and fear-soaked stink of lies on him. The police officer makes it more and more apparent by the second as he continues to slowly back away from Vegeta that he is eager to leave, which gives Vegeta the distinct impression that he shouldn’t let him. Because _if_ he is going to walk off this property, it will be because it is _his_ choice, not because he is _forced_ to, and he is certainly not leaving, _bound,_ in handcuffs under suspicion for _who knows what,_ he smirks to himself.

Vegeta has already had his bounds cut. He is never going to be bound again. Not by Kakarot, not by the police, and not by his addiction, which is starting to needle him the longer he stands here trying to ignore that he is alone in the woods with another man.

“What were you doing? Just now. In the dirt-” 

“Nothing,” Yamcha interrupts quickly.

Vegeta thoughtfully moves one of his bare feet in the loose earth where Yamcha had been kneeling. Something had been hastily reburied. The wind shifts and Vegeta catches the faint scent of something unpleasant in the air. He turns and reassesses the area where they are standing. 

There is less foliage, fewer grasses. The dirt hasn’t been turned recently, but it is not as tightly packed as the soil elsewhere on Kakarot’s property. There are no peculiar marks or obvious stones, but there are remnants of a pattern, spaces just the right size between the little plants that had managed to retake after being uprooted. Vegeta has never been here before, but he knows _exactly_ where he is standing and he knows why the boundary was set so far from it.

He snorts quietly because Kakarot’s uniquely oppressive brand of _devotion_ is recklessly heartfelt and even more recklessly abandoned. He put so much effort and care into ‘rehabilitation’, and then didn’t even bother to dig six feet down when it failed. For Kakarot, it seems, there is no saving what is lost. Once his heart is broken, there is nothing left inside to salvage. No pity, no remorse, no love. Shallow attempts were rewarded with shallow graves.

Vegeta finds it almost inconsiderate though, because this type of carelessness is how you get caught, and _what the hell am I supposed to do if you get caught? Idiot._ He sighs because Yamcha made it more than apparent that ‘getting caught’ is exactly what is happening right now. And that just isn’t an option. It can’t be. Vegeta knows neither of them will take the stress of the ensuing chaos well. He doesn’t know what Kakarot will do, but _he_ will spiral if that happens and he does not want to spiral. Vegeta had come too far just to get tripped up by Kakarot’s failure to bury a few previous mistakes deep enough.

Vegeta looks up and breaks the quiet. “You said you were looking for Ka- for Goku? I can take you to him.”

“I- ...you know, it’s fine, never mind. It’s late, so I’ll just… head back to-” Yamcha thumbs behind himself and starts backing away.

Vegeta raises a brow. “You’re going the wrong direction.” Yamcha turns and looks around questioningly. “The house, and I assume your car, is that way.” Vegeta points past Yamcha’s shoulder. “It’s easy to get lost here, trust me.” Vegeta gestures for him to follow and Yamcha witlessly walks with him deeper into the woods.

“Did you come alone?” Vegeta asks as the sunlight begins to fade above them. Yamcha hesitates. “I’m only asking because anyone else you came with is also likely lost, and it is better to try and find them before dark.”

“No, yeah, it’s just me.”

Vegeta clicks his tongue with a dark sneer. “That was foolish of you. The woods can be…” Vegeta stops and bends down to pick up a particularly solid feeling rock. “...dangerous at night.”

“Are you sure you know where you’re going? ‘Cause I don’t think it took this long bef-”

Vegeta cuts him off with a quick brutal blow to the head that knocks Yamcha to his knees. The officer struggles to get up, clumsy and dizzy, Vegeta can almost see the flashing stars circling his head. 

Yamcha tries to formulate words or maybe a scream that would never reach anyone, but instead collapses to the ground after another blow. And then another. And another. Vegeta is sitting on top of him smashing his rock enforced fist into Yamcha’s face until the gurgling noises stop. He exhales deeply and takes a moment to sit back trying to catch his breath because that took a lot more effort than he thought it would. 

As he looks down at the blood spattered mess, he finds himself filled by an eerie sense of relief that Yamcha no longer had a pretty face to look at. Not that someone like him _could_ tempt Vegeta after everything he’d experienced with Kakarot, but it feels good to make sure. He feels guilty for letting the consideration of attraction even cross his mind.

As he wipes a sweat- and blood-slick palm across his face it starts to sink in, what he’s done. He looks around and isn’t sure what to do from here, so he uses the adrenaline still pumping through him to pick the officer’s feet up and drag him back to someone who will.


	19. Breakthrough

Vegeta watches the axe thud to the floor. _Well, that’s a relief._

  
  
“You came back!”

Vegeta starts at the exclamation. He had something prepared. Words. Thoughts. A list of _to-do’s,_ like _getting rid of a fucking body-_ before he yanked Goku’s face down and mash their mouths together and breathed him in like oxygen to a drowning man, but none of those words, thoughts, _to-do’s_ left his mouth. The only thing that leaves his mouth is a cathartic groan as Kakarot returns his feverish kiss and pulls him inside.

Vegeta is pushed up against the wall, then the fridge, then the counter. “You came back,” Goku whispers this time, softly against his lips, his jawline, his neck, his shoulder again and again. Vegeta feels a wet sloppy tongue running up his neck, making him shudder.

Goku’s roaming hands start fussing with wet, dark stained fabric. Goku pulls back and gets a better look at Vegeta’s red streaked expression in the light. “You’re hurt? Bleeding, where? You’re-” Goku’s face starts draining of color and filling with worry as his hands ball up in Vegeta’s blood-soaked tank top, pulling Vegeta closer.

“What happened? I thought- I shouldn’t have left you-” His hands begin quickly searching Vegeta, looking for injury. “Where- how- _who-_ ”

“I’m fine.” 

Doubt crosses Goku’s face even as Vegeta captures his hands to hold them still, his eyes continue anxiously raking up and down Vegeta’s frame. 

“None of it’s mine.” Vegeta presses his mouth to Goku’s hands until he feels him relax.

“You… you’re ok. You’re ok? … You’re ok.” Goku exhales with relief and frees one of his hands to run it down the side of Vegeta’s face before letting a stupid grin paint his face. “And you came back.” He leans back into Vegeta’s mouth with a happy hum and pulls him out of the kitchen. “I knew you would.”

Vegeta has never seen nor felt Goku this uninhibited. Vegeta didn’t even know he could be. “Mm and here I was foolishly thinking I was the only one-” Vegeta relishes the whimpering gasp he elicits from Goku as he roughly cups Goku’s already hardened shaft, “-suffering.” He squeezes tighter and watches Goku’s mouth drop open a little wider as a soft high-pitched sound leaves him.

Before he knows it, Vegeta is falling back onto the soft unmade bed and Goku is all but tearing at his clothing. Rushed and needy, sweating and shaking, Vegeta watches the desperation perspiring through Goku’s skin drip down his neck and he wonders if addiction is contagious after all.

It is all happening so quickly. Vegeta hardly has time to blink before his shirt is torn and tossed to some corner of the room. _Wait- don’t I need to burn that or something-?_ He reaches out for it and tries to get out a sound of protest, but it never manages to escape him as he feels mischievous fingers hook into his shorts and threaten to pull them down.

Hot tongue runs up Vegeta’s neck as fabric is pulled down around his legs. “I missed you,” Goku pants as he starts wiggling out of his own clothes.

“I-” Vegeta’s laugh is interrupted by the surprise of a warm hand teasing up the length of his cock. ”Ah- I was only gone a few hours,” he says quietly with tightly closed eyes as he feels that same hand work its way quickly between his legs and tease pleading fingers, already slicked, against him.

Vegeta looks around with hazy half-lidded eyes, curious to know what Kakarot had dipped himself in without him noticing. Vegeta snorts when he spots the half empty bottle of cooking oil Goku must have grabbed in their frantic rush through the kitchen to the bedroom. “You’ll never get that out of your sheets. It will stain everythi- ah!” 

Vegeta’s head snaps back, his toes curl, his spine arches, his hands ball up the sheets until they threaten to tear as he feels two fingers pressing inside him.

Goku freezes and in a shaky breath against Vegeta’s neck asks, “Are- are you ok?”

Vegeta tries to alleviate Goku’s concern. He tries to force himself to untense, but he is too afraid he will come undone just from breathing. _This_ is _different_. It has never felt like _this,_ and he worries it will never feel like _this_ again.

“Y-yes,” he struggles through gritted teeth. His hands grip Goku’s shoulders hard as the rest of him finally has the strength to writhe painfully well against Kakarot, trying to pull as much out of the sensation as he can without giving in.

They stay like that for an unbearably long time, with Goku leaning over him, curling his fingers into him, letting his mouth run up and down Vegeta’s body kissing and licking and sucking any sensitive spot it could find murmuring things like, _I knew you would come back, I knew I could trust you, you feel so good, Vegeta, I’ve waited so long for you to be ready, and I’m so happy I didn’t have to hurt you…_ while his fingers continued in and out of him deeper, better every time.

And then it is quiet. Except for the panting and rustling of sheets, the soft sound of skin brushing casually against skin, everything is so unbearably quiet. Goku doesn’t say anything as he withdraws his fingers. His silent blushing face looks down at Vegeta, aching for permission to go further.

Vegeta doesn’t get halfway through nodding before Goku is frantically oiling up his cock as if putting it off any longer was painful. He wills what little self-restraint he has and carefully lines himself up and- 

_Fuck. This- this is actually happening- we’re finally going to-_

“Wait-” Vegeta puts his hand on Goku’s chest to hold him at half-arm’s length to slow things down because this is happening a little quicker than he anticipated, which has never mattered before, but suddenly it does; suddenly he wants it to _last._ He wants it to last because he doesn’t want it to be _over._ He doesn’t want to feel empty and void in a half an hour wishing he had been able to put this off another minute, another day, a year, forever because he is an addict and sex hasn’t felt like more than sex since he can remember and he wants _this_ to feel like more.

Goku bites his lip and presses himself against Vegeta’s entrance pleadingly. “I don’t wanna wait.” 

“S-slow down-”

“Why?” he whines. 

“We have to talk about-” Vegeta’s breath hitches as he feels Goku’s slicked tip slowly start rubbing against him. “About...”

“What? What do we have to talk about?”

_Well, maybe why a corpse is rotting in your driveway would be a good place to start, but also-_

“Is- isn’t this… against the rules? This- this is a relapse, I’m sure.”

“Vegeta…” Goku pulls back. “Do you still think… I’m testin’ ya?” Goku sighs when Vegeta doesn’t respond. “I told ya, this isn’t some kinda pass or fail or somethin’. I’m not… not _testin’_ ya.”

“But we’re-” Vegeta feels his heart thumping out of his chest. There are so many thoughts racing through his mind, worrying if this would end up like all the other times, if he had changed at all or if he is still the same, or if he’s actually just gotten _worse,_ because now that he is considering all the terrible things he’s done for sex, they all seemed quite mellow in comparison to killing someone. _Except… I didn’t do that for sex, I did it for-_

“Vegeta. Your problem was never with- with _sex,”_ Goku says quietly. “It was with _meaningless_ sex. This isn’t meaningless… Is it?” He sits up, hard and wanting, between Vegeta’s thighs. “I thought- ” he murmurs softly against Vegeta’s palm before nuzzling his cheek into it. “I thought… you would finally be ready for this. You came back, so I thought… you wanted _this.”_

“I- I do, but-”

“But what? You don’t have to be afraid, Vegeta. It’s okay.”

Vegeta’s back arches as he feels Kakarot’s hands race up his sides. He snags Goku’s wandering hands before they can escape the warmth of his skin and sucks in an uneasy breath because the thing bothering him more than coming back, more than murder, more than getting caught, than the fact that he is laying here on his back for a dangerous killer is, “What if... it’s not?”

“There’s only one way to find out. You gotta be willin’ to take that leap.”

“What if it’s not… enough? 

“Then… we’ll try again. As many times as we have to. Until it is.”

“What if… I’m still-”

“Vegeta.” Goku knocks his forehead lightly against Vegeta’s as he exhales. “You can keep askin’ me what if all night, an’ I can tell ya what _I_ think the answer is, but the only way you’re gonna know fer real… is by decidin’ the answer fer yerself.” He runs his fingers through Vegeta’s hair and sits up. “Do ya wanna do this? An’ I’m not askin’ yer addiction, I’m askin’ _you_ if _you_ want _this._ ”

Vegeta sits up too, his face following closely behind Kakarot’s, searching it for tells, for insincerity, for any hint that he is using him, will leave him, will kill him. But he can’t find it. Not even as Goku’s mouth presses softly against his and he is gently pushed back down against the sheets. 

As Vegeta feels Goku’s warm lips murmuring against his ear he realizes he’s been asking himself the wrong question. He’s been asking himself if he can still go through with this if there is nothing but the bleak dissatisfaction of loneliness filled by compulsive anonymous one-night stands waiting for him on the other side of this. And the answer to that is… of course he can. He’s done it a thousand times. 

This is different. What he needs to ask himself if he still wants to do this if it wasn’t going to be like that. If at the end it wasn’t just… sex.

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He gives in completely and pulls Kakarot down. “Fuck yes.”


	20. Acceptance

Pain isn’t the right word. Pain doesn’t feel _good_ , not the way this feels good _._ But it has been a while and he does not want to hasten Goku’s slow, tempered entry. His breath shakes and he can feel his fingertips sliding down Goku’s sweat-slicked skin as he eases in little by little.

It feels like the first time all over again. Maybe because it is. For Goku. Maybe that’s why it feels like something Vegeta’s never had before. Because a little bit of vicarious, _‘I’ve never done it like this before-’_ is echoing from Goku into him with every touch. Or maybe it’s because it’s been the longest he’s ever gone without sex since he started using it as an escape from the problems in his life, in his soul, that he didn’t have the power to change, and so in some way it is the first time. The first time it’s ever been _more_ than sex.

Goku’s tense frantic rush to express all the messy chaotic feelings he didn’t understand that had been racking every fiber of his being finally dissipates when he is fully sheathed.

Vegeta moves first. He offers the smallest encouragement that this is what he wants, anxious not to make it so apparent how badly he needs it. It takes a little time, but gradually, slow gentle rocking steadily increases to fervent thrusting as they let their mouths and hands wordlessly exchange everything they don’t know how to voice.

Every stroke becomes more and more intoxicating, every touch more stimulating; Vegeta’s never felt a high quite like this and he never wants it to end. But Kakarot is picking up the pace and pressing their chests together, struggling to keep himself together as he comes apart. Vegeta can feel the edge is just beyond his reach, in Kakarot’s grasp. He inhales sharply as he feels a hard grip wrap around his cock. _Definitely in Kakarot’s grasp-_

It’s not going to last. It never does. And a high is never as good the second time, but you keep chasing it anyway hoping you’ll feel _something._ And suddenly he’s afraid it’s too much. This is more than _sex_ , more than _something._ The product is so pure and uncut. It’s been too long. He feels his heart stuttering in his chest and he wonders if he’s overdosing. He thinks he might die, he hopes he does. Dying is better than never feeling this again. 

Climax hits him like a wave and as it washes through him he hopes it drowns him. If he made a noise, he didn’t hear it because Kakarot’s strangled moans of shock and ecstasy are the only thing in his ear. Goku's attempts to pound Vegeta through his orgasm are sincere, but quickly lost in his own crash of completion as Vegeta’s body wrings out of him everything he has to give until there is nothing left.

The tide recedes and his body still thrums with the tingling waters of completion. He wonders when the comedown will hit, because he is definitely still high on _whatever the fuck that just was..._

Vegeta grunts as Goku rolls off of him and flops onto his back with a dreamy sigh.

“Hey.” Goku turns his head with hazy eyes and a lazier smile just enough to catch a rare glimpse of Vegeta’s scowl in repose.

Vegeta cocks a brow. “Hello.”

“You’re not runnin’ away.”

“Would you even let me?” Vegeta asks only half joking while he stretches. “After that?”

Goku sits up and tilts Vegeta’s head into a kiss. “I have...” Goku hesitates before pulling away and shyly biting his lip. “I have never felt anythin’ like that before.”

Silence lingers and there should be nothing left unsaid after sharing a near-death experience like that except his usual haughty acceptance of praise he knows he deserves, but he can’t help himself from asking, from worrying, “What now?”

“I dunno…” Goku answers wistfully as he drops back into the mattress. 

“You don’t _know?_ How can you not know? Isn’t there another step? Or- or something? This whole thing is _your_ idea-”

Goku chuckles. “Whydya always gotta know everythin’ all the time?” 

“Because you don’t seem to know anything!” Vegeta sits up and frowns down at him.

“No one can know the future. I dunno what’s next. Maybe this is it. Maybe you found what you were looking for,” he says, casually brushing his fingers along Vegeta’s bare skin. He smiles thoughtfully and his fingers pauses as he looks up at Vegeta with genuine warmth. “I know I did.” 

“And what were you looking for?”

Goku hums as he runs his thumb down Vegeta’s face with a soft smile. He pulls Vegeta into a slow languid kiss that tells him things he could never seem to find the right words for. It is easier this way. To tell him like this. He pulls a very agreeable Vegeta on top of him, and suddenly finds himself held back, down against the headboard by Vegeta’s palm on his chest.

Vegeta has straddled him and looks down with the smallest glimmer of uncertainty and insecurity behind otherwise dark, devious eyes. “It won’t be as good the second time. It never is.”

“Mmm.” Goku runs his hands up Vegeta’s waist. “Yeah...”

Vegeta inhales sharply and closes his eyes as he feels Goku lift his hips up and adjust their positions slightly.

“This time it’ll be even better.”

Vegeta sits back with nothing more to lose or gain and discovers Kakarot is right. Sometimes it can feel even _better_ the second time.

***

Vegeta wakes with a start as the events of the night before come back to him. He suddenly panics over what he neglected to mention to Kakarot before they fell into bed together. _Was that real?_ His eyes quickly search the room and spot his bloody shirt. _Fuck!_ He bolts upright and runs his fingers through his hair before shaking Goku.

“Kakarot.” 

Goku cracks an eye open at Vegeta with a frown. “What?”

“Kakarot!” He shakes more vigorously. “Wake up. Wake up unless you want to spend the rest of your unfortunate life in prison!”

Goku grumbles and turns away. “You’re gonna turn me in ‘cause I don’t wanna wake up early? Vegeta… we stayed up _all_ night. Lemme sleep… jus’ five more minutes… then we can do… whatever you want… an’ then maybe soma what I want too...” He smiles as his voice trails off sleepily and he pulls the sheets up over his head.

Vegeta rips them down and off the bed before getting up and searching for his clothes. He throws a pair of pants at Goku before quickly pulling on his own. “Get up!” he snaps.

“Make me,” Goku says, shivering as his hand searches the bed for anything to pull back over himself.

Goku smiles as he feels the mattress depress and senses Vegeta kneeling next to him with an irritable look on his face. He peeks over his shoulder slightly to confirm his suspicions. His smile drops when he realizes Vegeta isn’t scowling, he’s _terrified,_ wide-eyed, pale, and sweating slightly despite the cool morning breeze drifting through the small house. Goku sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes, “What- Vegeta, what’s wrong?”

“It…” Vegeta avoids Goku’s worried gaze. “It will be easier… if I show you.”

Goku follows Vegeta curiously through the kitchen to the front entrance. Vegeta swings the door open and Goku’s brows pinch together as he looks past him at the body lying in the driveway. “Oh.” Goku’s fingers tap against the doorframe as he stares at it for a few moments. 

“Oh? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Vegeta grasps desperately for a response he could make more sense of.

“I, uh, well… I was wonderin’ where he went.” Goku laughs weakly.

Vegeta shifts uneasily as an awkward silence lingers. “You’re mad at me.”

“Nonono-” He waves his hands reassuringly before resting them on Vegeta’s shoulders. “I’m not… mad. I’m-” He glances back at the dead man. “I think it’s a good thing.”

“A good thing?”

“Well, I mean, you could’ve reacted a lotta different ways to seein’ him. An’- an’ I knew somethin’ happened ‘cause of the blood, but-” His eyes flash down Vegeta’s frame to make sure none of it is still there. “But then you said you were ok an’- an’ we started kissin’ an’ I jus’ decided to trust ya.”

Vegeta nods. _A good thing. Trusts me._ This answer is acceptable.

“I never- not in a million years- thought you’d ever do somethin’ like this for me.” He grins broadly.

“Don’t get carried away,’ Vegeta grumbles. “I did it for both of us. At this point I’m complicit.” 

“For… us?” His smile splits even wider.

“I-” It doesn’t matter how he tried to defend his slip; Goku’s selective hearing has already kicked in full drive. Vegeta resigns the losing argument with a blush. “Yes. Us.”

Goku hums contentedly to himself. 

“So what do we do now? Call the police?”

“Uh…” Goku side-eyes him with an awkward laugh. “Are ya... jokin’?” 

Vegeta doesn’t say anything as he stares at the small glinting shield on the officer’s belt and he realizes how ridiculous his suggestion must sound under the circumstances. Goku takes the hint that he had in fact been serious.

“Vegeta, he is the police.” 

“He was trespassing,” he justifies to the only person he will never need to convince.

“Yeah…” Goku agrees weakly. “But-” 

“So I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to defend myself.” 

“I know, I know, but I don’t think the law covers…” Goku struggles to find the right word to describe the bloody pulpy remains of Yamcha’s face. “... _this_. Actually, I know it doesn’t,” he mumbles under his breath. 

“Then what do we do?”

“I guess we could bury-”

“No. No, we’re not going to do that because that is what almost got you caught and if anyone else comes here, sniffing around, then they will figure out that you are actually _terrible_ at covering up murder!”

“O-oh.” Goku blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “Really?”

“What do you mean _oh, really?_ Yes! Really! If I had let him go you’d be sitting on eight counts-”

“Ten. Or actually, maybe it’s-”

“Ten, twenty, a hundred! The number doesn’t matter, Kakarot! What matters is that if I’d let him go, we’d _both_ be in jail right now, so you are not burying any more bodies!”

“It ain’t my fault. People ain’t s’posed to be walkin’ around all uninvited all over my property,” he says with a sour face. “If ya ask me, he had it comin’.”

Vegeta starts pacing. “How- how have you even gotten away with it this long?! Don’t you have like, a plan? A system? Or something by now? Tell me those were just your early mistakes!”

“No, I don’t really have a system or anythin’. I jus’ kinda… do it.” He shrugs. “And it works out. ‘Cept I guess… I guess he was gettin’ pretty suspicious, huh? Not anymore though!” He knocks Vegeta in the shoulder. “It’s still workin’ out!” He laughs. “‘Cause he’s …”

“Kakarot,” Vegeta interrupts, rubbing his forehead in irritation. “You-” He wants to scold him, but Goku bites his tongue, clearly trying his best to put on a serious face, but his heart isn’t in it. Vegeta shakes his head. _It’s not that he’s a_ _homicidal_ _idiot, it’s that he’s a homicidal_ _idiot_ _._ “Just- fuck. Just tell me how to get rid of a goddamn body. You must know other methods,” he pleads.

“We could, um…” Goku rubs the back of his neck thoughtfully. “Oh! I know! We could make a bonfire!”

“A bonfire?” Vegeta says with obvious dismay.

“Yeah! If we build it big enough it should get hot enough to burn everything in no time! There aren’t hardly any fire restrictions out here, so no one’ll think much of the smoke. An’ then we can jus’ smash up any bones left or anythin’ ‘cause they’ll be all brittle ‘n ashy and- and we can even use that ‘cause it’s real good for soil. … The ash.”

“Uhh…”

“I love bonfires! It’ll be fun!”

_Yes, Kakarot, the word I would choose to describe you helping me hide criminal evidence, so we can keep fucking is, ‘fun.’_ Vegeta rolls his eyes.

“And… what are we going to do about his car? Can’t burn it, can’t keep it here.”

Goku looks at the little compact curiously. “There’s a quarry not too far that’s all filled up. I know a back way, but...” He looks under the car for a moment before pressing on the hood to test the shocks. “Yeah, I think this can handle a little off-roading to get there.” He grins widely at Vegeta. “But first we should, um-” Goku gestures to the body.

“Right.”

It takes several hours, but a wooden pyre is built and the body hidden deep within it. They will have to do this many more times to get rid of the rest, but those will have to wait. One thing at a time.

“TV always makes this seem much harder.” Vegeta says, still flipping through the phone they found in Yamcha’s pocket. He finds nothing of interest in recent calls or messages, turns it off, and tosses on the heap of lighter fluid–soaked tinder and wood.

“Really? I always think it made it seem easier.” Goku clicks together two stones near the base until sparks light the kindling. He stands and backs up with a satisfied look on his face as the rest of the wood begins to catch. “It takes a lot longer than you’d think to dig a hole that big. Like a _lot_ longer.”

“Is that why they’re so shallow? You got bored and gave up?”

Goku smiles as his eyes dart away playfully. “This woulda taken all day without your help.”

“You wouldn’t have done any of this at all without my ‘help.’” Vegeta smirks.

When night falls they make the journey to the quarry. Windows down, the car sinks quickly to the bottom. As they stand there for a few moments watching to make sure Vegeta wonders if this is going to be the rest of his life; burning bodies and arguing over soil composition. He turns and looks at Kakarot’s moonlit smile. It sure beat the hell out of what he’d been doing before to keep entertained. 

He knows not everyday will be like this though. He knows addiction lingers; it never really leaves you. He can feel it even now, as he stands here. Even though today has been an easy day. Even though Kakarot has kept him physically busy and mentally engaged. Even though this is the first time all day he has had the time to think about anything, but mostly about why the fuck he is even standing here making sure a two-ton hunk of metal sinks to the bottom of a quarry in a town whose name he still does’t know, he feels it.

He sighs and decides that worse than relapsing because he _can’t_ stay sober is relapsing because he doesn't _think_ he can stay sober. There isn’t any room for weakness and doubt if he is going to keep going. So he pulls Kakarot to him and ignores his protests that they should go back before going further.


	21. Epilogue: Full Circle

To say Vegeta is surprised by Goku’s eager agreement to his idea would be an understatement. It never ceases to catch him off guard, Goku’s willingness to support him no matter how outlandish the idea. He thought for sure the answer would be no.

But here he is, without Kakarot, in a place he thought he’d never find himself back at, dead or alive. 

“...One of the primary differences between addicts and nonaddicts is that nonaddicts change their behavior to meet their goals and addicts change their goals to meet their behaviors. But the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole aim of our lives, so when- Oh hello.” The counselor’s eyes lock on his as soon as he steps into the room. She has not forgiven him for humiliating her last time. Her displeasure is clear as her gaze narrows, but she doesn’t turn him away either. “Welcome back. Please take a seat, we’ve only just started.” 

Vegeta nods curtly before sitting in a dented metal chair. He thinks maybe deep down, she did do this job for the right reasons, even if she fell off sometimes like the rest of them. He still doesn’t know if this is the right decision. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that he’s here- 

“Have anything you’d like to share today?” She clicks her pen a few times as she studies him.

His eyes dart apprehensively around the room before he quickly shuts them, trying to avoid any intrusive thoughts about the other members there. His hands tighten their grip on his knees a little. “Yes,” he mutters quietly.

The counselor's full lips purse in curiosity. Silence lingers in the room and there are several uncomfortable shifts around the circle before she opens her mouth to prompt him again.

“My name... is Vegeta,” he says, beating her to the punch.

“Hi Vegeta,” a few voices in the irregular circle echo back. 

His hands ball a little tighter. “And I am here because… because my partner…” He sends his gaze to the ceiling as the warm stifling distress of opening up creeps up his spine. “...thinks it’s a good idea for me to… share my … feelings.” He mentally vomits at the word.

The counselor smiles genuinely at him and clicks her pen one more time before looking down at her clipboard filled, presumably, with talking points, poignant questions, notes, and likely short, ten-word fantasies about each and every one of them cramped into the margins. “And what feelings would you like to share today?”

Vegeta takes a moment to reflect on the last six months. Of course there are certain things he can’t talk about, like finally being done with the bonfires. He breathes a silent sigh of relief. It makes it much easier now to deal with Krillin’s always unscheduled _check-ins_ now that there is nothing that can tie either of them to far more crimes than he realized could be hidden in such a small area. 

_Now all we have to do…. is keep it that way._ He probably shouldn’t talk about that either, that he really doesn’t mind having a little blood on his hands, or the fact that it makes him feel even closer to Kakarot. He stammers and hesitates as he tries to figure out what he can talk about. 

His moments of weakness might be happening less and less often, but they still have so many triggers. Maybe he could start there: with his lingering fears of abandonment, the worry that Kakarot will eventually get bored of him, the suffocation of commitment, maybe the quiet loneliness of isolation despite Kakarot’s constant presence, perhaps even his own haunting past and lack of control, or the most devastating of all, the still occasional inability to find satisfaction no matter what they did. 

The list is seemingly endless. Even though he has been doing well. Even though, despite everything, he is, “...Happy,” he murmurs quietly to himself.

The counselor leans forward a little. “I’m sorry?”

Vegeta looks up at her, then around the room, his eyes resting for a moment longer on a particularly attractive blond than on the others. “I- uh.” _Kakarot would look good blond. Better than him-_ This stranger didn’t even _compare._ No one in this room measured up to Kakarot. His brows furrow. _Why did I want to do this again?_

“Vegeta?” the counselor prods carefully.

Needing the validation of others is a weakness, a sign that he is failing. _I am not failing. I’m not failing!_ The only validation he needs is Kakarot’s, and he already has that. He stands up suddenly. He runs his fingers through his hair. "I shouldn't- … don’t need to be here."

The counselor’s brows bend in concern and she opens her mouth to protest as several other members exchange glances, but no one stops him from quickly turning heel and walking out. 

He is so worked up over his constantly churning internal turmoil that he isn’t focused on what’s right in front of him and runs right into what feels like a stone pillar. He looks up. “K-Kakarot?” He bites back a relieved smile. The sensation of comfort he now gets from familiarity is still relatively new and he doesn’t always know how to cope with it except-

“Come here!” Vegeta grips his collar and yanks him down an alleyway and through a backdoor to a building that looked empty enough. He shoves Kakarot into a maintenance closet just in case. Vegeta is on his knees and has Kakarot’s cock in his mouth faster than he can get a word out and this- _This is so much better than fucking meetings-_

“V-Vegeta!” Goku chokes out in surprise as he throws his head back. 

Vegeta rushes with one hand to undo his buckle and free himself. He doesn’t bother holding back moans of relief as he wraps his hand around his own painfully hard shaft.

“Ah- ah, it’s a good thing I was here-” Goku pants out between Vegeta’s deep, desperate movements. 

Vegeta pauses and pulls off with a frown. It is strange, isn’t it? Vegeta didn’t think to question why he was here. He was here and that’s what mattered in that moment. “You followed me.”

Goku stutters over the loss. He didn’t expect to be halfway there so soon. “Y-yes.”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to do that anymore.” Vegeta resumes stroking slowly with his hand. “I thought you trusted me.”

“I do. Ah- I do trust ya. I just, mm- I missed ya is all. I didn’t wanna be away from ya.”

Vegeta squeezes a little harder.

“And- Uhn- and I had a feelin’ you weren’t ready for that yet- so, ah- I wanted to be there for ya when you-”

“You’re wrong.” He closes his eyes, satisfied by the truth, and runs his tongue along the sensitive underside. “That’s not why I left.”

“Ah, ha-ah~ then- then why?”

“Because,” he smirks and breathes hotly against Goku’s thigh before gently biting into it. “What’s the point? You cured me.”

“How many times do I gotta tell ya.” He laughs softly. It is so funny, and endearing to him that Vegeta would think that while he is here, on his knees, like this, after running out of a meeting he couldn’t even get all the way through. It lets him know that they still have so far to go despite the good progress they’ve made, and that Vegeta still needs him. “It ain’t jus’ somethin’ ya cure.” There is a moment of hesitation in Vegeta’s sloppy elation. “But- but don’t worry,” Goku tries to reassure, “I’m always gonna be there for ya when yer not doin’ well. Just like I was today.”

Vegeta hums as he teases his mouth along Goku’s warm skin. He begins to say something, but Goku can’t understand what he says as he uses his open mouth to also take in Goku’s dick. 

  
  
  


”W-what?”

Vegeta never clarifies and Goku doesn’t press; instead, he bites his lip as he gently encourages him to go deeper. He lets the subject drop because he has learned that there are perks to addictions that are under control. His eyes flutter closed and his head tilts back as Vegeta continues what he started.

They finish quickly, not wanting to spend too long in a place they shouldn’t be, and Vegeta wipes his mouth as he stands. He straightens Goku’s shirt for him before adjusting his own and buckling his belt. They leave and no one is none the wiser.

As they walk out, Goku leads them toward where he parked. They pass a few of the members of the group that has just let out. Vegeta hardly notices. He doesn’t even see the blond that tries, and fails, to catch his gaze. Vegeta is more interested in Kakarot’s peculiar smile, his sudden heightened agitation.

“What?”

Kakarot pulls Vegeta close to him and chuckles softly into his neck, “Nothin’.” 

Vegeta looks back at the man Kakarot had just shot daggers at and he gets the sudden uneasy feeling that they need to start stockpiling firewood again. _We just finished cleaning up that mess!_ Maybe that was something he could have talked about. The frustration that no matter how far you’ve come or what you suffer from, addictions don’t just get _better._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw, we did it! I hope this has been as fun a trip for you as it has for me and that ya'll enjoyed the egregious liberties I took with the characters to make it happen, because I sure as hell did. Thank you so much for your wildly awesome comments and kudos <3 ^^ Also a super special thanks to Iuvenes who beta'd this garbage and corrected my blundering errors time and time again. <3
> 
> Side Note: A few of you are probably looking forward to me picking back up How to Break Necks... I'm sorry to say that doesn't look like it's going to happen right now. I promise I'm as disappointed about that as you are. I will be taking it down to be completely reworked at some point, but for now, it's being left up so it can continue to disappoint more people.
> 
> UNTIL THEN, I will be posting a new, different G/V AU crime drama/love story. SOON. And I will actually COMPLETE it because I have FiNaLlY learned how to outline and plan stories! (As it turns out, an 'outline' is *not* three and a half chapters, five extraneous lines of dialogue, two uncontextualized smut scenes, four well-developed subplots I don't end up using, and me hoping the story will find resolution along the way. Who knew?)


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